


Sugar on Your Lips. Or Something Like That

by fatedforce



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: CEO Jihyo, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Famous Singer? Jeongyeon, figuratively not literally, just 50000 words of jeonghyo dancing around each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:35:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 53,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27303493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatedforce/pseuds/fatedforce
Summary: Jeongyeon doesn't expect to make a friend out of the girl crawling a teasing hand past the seam of her skirt. But she supposes that's what happens when you're contractually obliged to be in love.
Relationships: Park Jisoo | Jihyo/Yoo Jeongyeon
Comments: 42
Kudos: 206





	Sugar on Your Lips. Or Something Like That

**Author's Note:**

> This is completely unedited so apologies if there are any weird sentence structures or grammar issues. I'll edit this properly when I have time. 
> 
> Anyway enjoy!

Jeongyeon really should’ve thought this through. 

“Are you like, famous or something?” But the girl murmuring into her ear is too pretty not to admire and too cute not to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Something like that.” Jeongyeon doesn’t want it to matter. 

She hums. “I don’t like famous people.” The short haired girl is looking at her with a teasing glint in her eye and Jeongyeon doesn’t want to admit that she’s blushing under the gaze of this girl she met 55 minutes ago; but she is. 

“But you’d make an exception for me, right?” Jeongyeon smirks, hopes that it has the girl swooning. Instead, she’s rolling her eyes and Jeongyeon can’t remember the last time she met someone who has her heart racing like this stranger does. 

“Depends. Can I catch a name? Maybe I’d actually recognise you then.” 

Jeongyeon leans in to her so that she can hear and the mystery girl props a hand on her shoulder. The music is too loud and even if the neon strobe lights are blinding them, she doesn’t really fancy moving away from this girl anytime soon. 

Jeongyeon doesn’t really want the girl to recognise her. People treat her differently once they know exactly who they’re talking to, but she thinks that maybe it’s the only way to win her over. “Jeongyeon. Yoo Jeongyeon.”

The girl nods. “I still have no idea who you are but I’m going to blame that on me having a little too much to drink. I’m Jihyo.” 

She can finally put a name to a face and Jeongyeon can’t help breaking out into a smile. 

“Remind me, what exactly have we been sitting here talking about for an hour without even knowing each other’s names?” 

Jihyo giggles, wraps a hand around her arm and leans forward with laughter. 

“Something about whether we think the bermuda triangle is an actual threat to society or not?” And the words sound so ridiculous as they leave Jihyo’s mouth that the both of them are keeling over with laughter again. 

Jihyo sighs, plants her head sloppily on her shoulder. “Can you please tell your bodyguard to stop staring at me like I’m the bane of the universe? I promise I won’t kill you or anything.” 

Jeongyeon glances up, sees Momo in her work suit staring at the two of them with suspicious eyes and makes a movement with her free hand to leave them alone. 

Momo rolls her eyes, shakes her head and moves to check the surrounding area instead. Momo may technically be on duty tonight but Jeongyeon very specifically remembers telling her to take the night off, to have some fun with them. Jeongyeon supposes Momo will always look out for her whether she's doing her job or not. 

“Don’t mind her. She’s just worried is all.” 

“Why? Do you get into trouble often?” Jihyo raises her eyebrows playfully.

“Something like that.” Jeongyeon repeats herself again even if she knows Jihyo isn’t really falling for the whole mysterious act. 

“Why were you here alone when I found you anyway? Did you not come here with friends or?” Jeongyeon watches as Jihyo directs a curious glance up at her. 

“My friends have a habit of running off when they’ve had too much to drink. Would you believe me if I said I’m usually the one running after them trying to get them to drink something that’s non-alcoholic?” Jeongyeon lets a lopsided smile grace her face and Jihyo’s expression softens. 

“Actually that seems a lot like you.” 

Jeongyeon gives her a sceptical look “We haven’t known each other _that long_.” They’ve known each other an hour. 

Jeongyeon can feel Jihyo’s eyes on her, thinks she can feel her gaze traipse down her face and this stranger is all too dangerous for her own good. 

For a second, she thinks that maybe they have known each other _that_ long. And she’s wondering how it can feel like she’s known this girl a lifetime when she doesn’t know a single thing about her apart from her name and that she _doesn’t_ think the Bermuda Triangle is an existential threat to society. 

Jeongyeon knows she can’t go anywhere without at least a little attention, and she can feel people staring now. They’re sitting too close. Jihyo’s hand is caressing her bare thigh and she’s now realising that maybe her skirt is too short. But then Jihyo is looking at her with a glint in her eye that Jeongyeon wants to figure out so badly.

“I think I’m a pretty good judge of character though.” Jihyo’s voice is as quiet as can be in the middle of a bustling party and Jeongyeon suddenly wants to know everything about her. 

She takes her phone out of her pocket, tries to be as smooth about it as possible as she unlocks it and holds the device out for Jihyo to take. 

“Your number.” 

Jihyo’s startled expression morphs into one of amusement. “You think you can get my number just like that huh?”

“I… can’t have it?” Jeongyeon is taken aback and Jihyo laughs at her reaction. Her face burns and she’s glad it’s dark enough in here to mask her blush. 

“I’m only messing with you. Here, you can have my number, but on one condition.” Jihyo takes the phone from her hands and punches her info into her contact list. “Make sure I actually remember you in the morning.” 

Jihyo smirks as she hands the phone back and Jeongyeon takes it from her with a small smile, impressed. 

“Okay.” 

“... Okay?”

“Yeah. I can make sure you remember me.” Jeongyeon states as if it’s a matter of fact. 

Jihyo raises her eyebrows in challenge and Jeongyeon nods at her; takes a look at her that’s entirely too long and the furthest thing from just, friendly, and then she’s subconsciously licking her lips (she hasn’t had anything to drink since Jihyo sat down beside her) and she watches as Jihyo follows the action. 

“So you’re pretty good at making people remember you then?” Jihyo teases. 

Jeongyeon shrugs. 

Jihyo tilts her head as if she’s trying to figure her out. “Can I ask what you do?” 

“Music.” Jeongyeon doesn’t fancy giving much away. 

“I guess you’re not a massive fan of talking too much about yourself huh?” 

“Something like that.” A hint of amusement bubbles in her throat as she repeats herself yet again but even if this conversation is far from serious, Jihyo is looking at her too intensely for Jeongyeon not to turn away. 

“Odd for a celebrity.” Jeongyeon turns back to look at her again and there’s a mischievous smile on Jihyo’s face that she can’t place. “Endearing though. I like that. I’m sure you’re worth talking all day about.” 

Jeongyeon has never really known exactly how to take compliments so she simply bows her head in embarrassment. “I wouldn’t say that.” 

Jeongyeon offers the girl a shy smile and Jihyo glows back at her, like she’s in awe of her.

“I guess I just trained hard. This career is something I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember so…” Jeongyeon explains, flinging her hands everywhere awkwardly. Jihyo takes a hand in hers, as if to calm her and nods in understanding. 

Jeongyeon feels like she’s burning under her touch and she isn’t sure whether it’s the alcohol or this girl beside her that Jeongyeon is sure she won’t be able to forget.

“Well we haven’t known each other that long but, I’m proud of you.” Jeongyeon questions whether she’s sat next to her guardian angel or something because she’s saying all the words Jeongyeon has wanted to hear for years and suddenly she isn’t sure if the control the industry has over her life is worth it. 

The thought crosses her mind - that she wants to do something outrageous, just to piss her management off; just so they get the idea that she won’t be controlled anymore.

But then Jihyo tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and all that consumes her mind: is Jihyo. “And what about you? What do you do?” 

“Nothing as interesting as you. I wanted to be a singer growing up too but, my career has always been planned out for me: to take over my dad’s company.” There’s an immeasurable distance encompassing Jihyo’s voice. 

Jeongyeon’s eyebrows raise in surprise. “Have I ever heard of it?” 

“Maybe. Ever eaten at a Park Co. Restaurant?” 

“No way? I eat at the one down the road from my place all the time.” Jeongyeon can hear her own voice rise a little in excitement and Jihyo smiles at her so brightly at the realisation. 

“Well there you go! I’m not CEO or anything yet though so don’t expect discounts.” 

Jeongyeon laughs at the non-threatening finger Jihyo is pointing at her and everything feels so at ease. She tries not to think too much about the possibility that she might know Jihyo long enough to even jokingly ask for a discount.

Then she spots people staring still, knows she’s been caught and that her name and picture will be plastered across countless articles on the internet tomorrow.

“Hey, wanna get out of here?” Jeongyeon whispers into her ear. She lets Jihyo curl a hand around her wrist to steady herself and watches as she lets go as quick as it’s there once she realises what she’s doing.

“Why? Is this party too much of a bore for a celebrity like you?” Jihyo’s voice is suddenly so much quieter and there’s a teasing lilt to it that rings in her ears. Jihyo smirks at her again. 

“No… I mean I didn’t want to be here in the first place. My friends kind of dragged me here and then they ditched me so it’s not exactly the most thrilling experience. Until I met you I guess.” Jeongyeon shrugs and Jihyo is _still_ smirking at her. 

“Are you sure it’s not because it’s just not flashy enough for you?” 

Jeongyeon tilts her head in question and Jihyo crosses her legs, raising her eyebrows in challenge. Her hand still crawls up Jeongyeon’s thigh and she’s really starting to find it difficult to concentrate.

“The music isn’t to my taste to be honest. But really, I won’t see my friends for the rest of the night now so I might as well get away from this noise before I have to drag them home.” They’re entirely too close now; she can feel Jihyo’s breath on her neck. 

“So… Would your music be any better?” Jihyo husks in her ear and Jeongyeon hates that she shivers slightly. 

“Oh Jeongyeon! You’ve met Jihyo!” They part instantly and Sana appears quite literally out of thin air in front of them with smudged mascara and hair a mess. 

“You… Know her?” Jeongyeon can’t help glancing between the two girls in surprise and now Jihyo is chuckling beside her. 

“Um yeah? She’s the friend I was talking about? The one hosting the party. You know the really pretty girl I was telling you about that I said was your type?” Sana attempts to whisper the last part but she’s entirely too drunk, shifting uncontrollably from foot to foot and her voice is more of a strained shout. 

Shock runs up Jeongyeon’s spine and she almost wants to roll off the nearest cliff now that she’s realised that she’s been insulting this girls party the entire time. And also now that Sana has made it oh so clear to Jihyo that she apparently has a type and that it’s Jihyo all over. 

“What?” It’s simply instinctual but Sana doesn’t pick up on the cue and instead repeats herself with a slur to her voice. 

“I said, she’s the host! And exactly your type!” Then she’s giggling and directing her attention back at Jihyo. “This dress is so pretty, where did you get it?” 

Jihyo spares her a teasing glance and even if she’s nodding at whatever Sana is ranting about, Jihyo continues to eye her up with a playful gaze. 

She so desperately wants the ground to just swallow her up but her skin is ablaze with Jihyo’s hand still lingering on her thigh. 

And even as Sana is shouting over the music about a shirt she got that she thinks Jihyo might like, Jihyo is pushing a touch further up her leg, bordering past her short skirt and Jeongyeon thinks this girl is too brave for her own good; not that she minds.

But she can’t stop thinking about how she’s been insulting this girl’s party for the past five minutes and her hand reaches for Jihyo’s fingers digging into her skin. She takes a hold of it, gently warning it away and Jihyo turns to look at her again with a jolt this time. 

She stares and Jeongyeon can’t bring herself to look away.

Sana doesn’t seem to notice, still rambling on about a specific dress she wants and moving on to shout at Jeongyeon about how she lost Chaeyoung in the crowd an hour ago and is now scared that the younger girl has found herself in the nearest tattoo parlour shop again. 

But then: “Um… Am I interrupting something?” Sana flashes them a teasing smirk and playfully gestures at the clamp Jeongyeon has on Jihyo’s hand centimetres away from the seam of her skirt. 

Jihyo shares a look that is all too laid back and Jeongyeon knows she’s going to have to be the one to give a flustered answer. “... No?”

Sana scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Sure thing Jeong. That was extremely convincing.” She giggles drunkenly. “I’ll let you get back to whatever the hell that is then. I’ll see you around Jihyo?” 

“Wait Sana I-” And then she’s waltzing back into the crowd and Jeongyeon is left to answer to the smirking girl beside her. 

There’s a beat of suffocating silence between them, even in the middle of a pulsing room. 

“So, what would you rate my party hosting skills then?” Jihyo is leaning into her now slightly again, just so she doesn’t have to literally shout over the music. This time she’s husking a teasing question in her ear that finds Jeongyeon leaning into her too.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realise. I swear the music is just not to my taste and I-” Jeongyeon is rambling, her hands now flying everywhere.

“I’m only messing with you, Jeongyeon.” Jihyo offers a soft smile this time and it’s so different from the girl that was daring to tease a hand under her skirt a mere minute ago. 

“No honestly, I’m just not feeling it tonight. It has nothing to do with the party-”

“I know. I figured you weren’t in much of a party mood when I found you sitting in the corner of the room by yourself an hour ago you know.” Jihyo’s hand finds a home for itself back on her thigh, but this time she’s drawing comforting shapes and strokes onto her skin to calm her down. 

“Plus.” Jihyo whispers into her ear again, “I wasn’t having a great time either - until I bumped into you…”

Jeongyeon nods slowly, the hairs on her neck sticking up a little as Jihyo’s breath fans against her skin. “So… I know you’re supposed to be the party host but, do you still fancy getting out of here?” 

“Oh absolutely.” 

Jeongyeon flashes her a devilish smile and stands up, interlacing their fingers together. Jihyo looks back up at her with surprise and Jeongyeon just doesn’t want her to think that she’s a stumbling stuttering mess all the time. 

Jeongyeon files through the crowd and grasps Jihyo’s hand a little tighter just so she won’t lose her in the midst of people. 

She turns to look back at her, and throws an arm around her shoulder instead to pull her into her chest, just so she can make sure she isn’t pushed and shoved away from her hold. 

Jeongyeon can feel fingers digging into her waist and finally Momo appears to guide them outside. 

It feels like she can breathe again with the cold air and Jihyo is suddenly looking up at her with a wild smile. Her hands are still around her midsection and Jeongyeon doesn’t want to move her.

Then people are approaching them with phones and there are flashes from cameras that Jeongyeon can’t pinpoint. 

“Run!” Jihyo’s voice careens into her field of hearing and Jeongyeon doesn’t even think before taking Jihyo’s hand in hers and following this girl she’s known for less than a day down the street. 

“Where are we going?!” Jeongyeon shouts and she’s out of breath as they sprint past tens of party goers, barely clipping countless shoulders. 

“Away from here!” Jihyo looks back and Jeongyeon thinks it’s crazy how this is the most free she’s felt in years. 

They slow down eventually on a quieter street where the people passing don’t bother to look at them. She takes a second to catch her breath, laughs maniacally as Jihyo squeals when they slow down next to a bug and shoos it away for her. 

“What are you scared of a little bug for?” Jeongyeon can’t help the crack in her voice as she begins to laugh at Jihyo’s panicked state. 

“It looks big when it’s right in front of your face and you’re about to suck it into your lungs trying to catch your breath!” Jihyo breaks out into a laugh - trying to defend herself. 

Jeongyeon hums humorously, leans against the nearby wall and slides down to sit on the ground with her back against the building. Jihyo does the same, and their legs knock against each other as she leans down. 

“I think I’ll probably remember you in the morning.” Jihyo’s voice is saturated with amusement and Jeongyeon doesn’t have to look at her to know she’s smirking again. 

“You knew you’d remember me in the morning. You gave me your number before I could even agree to your condition.” Jeongyeon chuckles, finally looks at Jihyo beside her with an unwavering glance. 

“It would be kinda hard to forget someone like you Jeongyeon. Your argument for investigating the threat that the Bermuda Triangle poses to society was very convincing, I must say.” Her voice gets stolen by the wind and Jeongyeon can’t help but reach out to neaten her hair again. 

Their arms brush against each other and Jeongyeon lets her dance a touch across her thigh. Jihyo seems to like doing this and Jeongyeon doesn’t understand why this girl feels so familiar when they’ve never met before. 

“Are you good at keeping secrets?” Jihyo jumps slightly as her voice shatters the silence. Jeongyeon doesn’t like speaking much about herself but the alcohol makes it a whole lot easier. 

“As long as the secret isn’t about where you’ve hidden a dead body.” Jihyo teases.

Jeongyeon chuckles, breathes and leans her head back against the wall. A sad smile reaches her face as she looks back at Jihyo and it’s almost revitalising - Jihyo doesn’t know who the hell she is and Jeongyeon feels like she could tell her everything no one else knows. 

“So can I tell you a secret then?” Jeongyeon feels her words slur uncomfortably in her mouth as she turns her head back forward to look at the moths fluttering underneath the dingy streetlamp opposite them.

“You can tell me anything.” 

The road in front of her spins. “I’ve never been in love. But I write all my songs about it. Isn’t it weird? I sing all my songs about something I’ve never felt.” 

“Never?” Jihyo seems genuinely surprised and Jeongyeon shakes her head nonchalantly. 

“When you’re young and dumb, you think anyone who tells you you’re worth loving is the one. That’s never the case though really.” Jeongyeon isn't sure where this suddenly very honest and emotional version of herself sprouts from, because by the time she wakes up tomorrow, Jeongyeon knows she'll regret running her mouth like this.

“So you’ve dated or?” 

Jeongyeon hums. “Yeah.” 

“Just never felt it?”

Jeongyeon nods at Jihyo’s words. 

“I don’t think it’s weird. It’s something we all want, right? Doesn’t mean you can’t imagine what it feels like. You must be a good writer.” Jihyo’s voice is light in her ear and she suddenly wants to tell this stranger everything. 

Jeongyeon hums in response - can feel the girl’s eyes on her. 

Jihyo rests a head on her shoulder and whispers into the breeze. “Why is that a secret?” 

“Because I kinda have a reputation for it.” She shrugs her shoulders and feels the weight of Jihyo’s head lift with them. It’s never really bothered her too much that she’s had countless PR relationships before she’s even felt the feeling. But now it angers her. Her skin itches with frustration and she thinks that maybe Jihyo can sense it, because she can feel her eyes on her again. 

“So... Jeongyeon the heartbreaker huh? How cliché.” The silence stretches on between them, but it’s comfortable. 

Jeongyeon scoffs amusedly, “yeah well… that’s what I have everyone thinking apparently.”

She listens as Jihyo thinks. And then: “You just need someone who knows you.” 

Jeongyeon watches as Jihyo glides a touch back up her arm and down it again, drawing circles and inscribing a promise of forever that she won’t recognise yet. 

Then, Jihyo wraps a hand around her wrist and they’re looking at each other for entirely too long; faces mere centimetres apart. 

Jeongyeon thinks Jihyo is too good for her world, knows that she shouldn’t drag her into it; but there’s no one around and Jihyo is looking at her like that, and then she’s looking at her lips and Jeongyeon thinks it would be a crime not to kiss her now. 

Their noses touch fleetingly and Jihyo nudges her head upwards, as if to encourage her further. So Jeongyeon kisses her. 

It’s rushed and she can feel Jihyo digging desperate fingers into her skin and Jeongyeon wraps an arm around the small of her back, pulling her closer. They kiss until Jeongyeon thinks her lungs might give out and it’s all so hungry and Jihyo is kissing her back with so much force that her back knocks against the wall. Then Jihyo is biting her lip and Jeongyeon can’t help the gasp that leaves her mouth. 

Her other hand claws at the ground as she steadies herself and Jihyo is sitting up taller to kiss her deeper, legs pressing into her own and eventually moving to straddle Jeongyeon's right thigh.

“Will I get to see you again?” Jeongyeon murmurs against Jihyo’s lips because she just needs to know. 

“Uh huh.”

“I want to see you again.” Jihyo swallows her concerns in another kiss. Jeongyeon gets the cue and swallows Jihyo’s whimpers too. 

Her heart is beating out of her chest and it scares Jeongyeon to think it’s beating for the girl she has known for approximately 95 minutes. 

+

“You are in so much shit Jeongyeon.” Sana’s voice pierces through the phone and Jeongyeon could really do with an extra two hours of sleep, an aspirin and some water but her best friend clearly thinks otherwise. 

“What?” Her voice is enrapt in sleep. 

“Have you seriously not checked your phone at all this morning?” 

“Well I’m answering your call aren’t I?” Jeongyeon doesn’t mean to get all sarcastic on her but her head is pulsing and there’s an incessant ringing in her ears from the music the night before that refuses to go away. 

“So would you care to explain the countless pictures circulating the internet of you and Jihyo _kissing_?” Sana’s voice is sweet but Jeongyeon knows very well that it means the exact opposite.

“What?” Her heart is in her throat and this really isn’t what Jeongyeon had planned to wake up to this morning. But then she’s taking a look at the clock and figures this wasn’t how she had planned to wake up this afternoon, because it’s nearly 2pm and she really should be grateful that today is one of her days off. 

“Yeah that’s what I thought. Momo called me last night saying you had run off and I knew exactly what kind of news I was gonna end up waking up to this morning.” There’s a beat of silence as Sana collects her thoughts. “I swear I didn’t get the chance to introduce you two so I have no idea how you even met.” Sana speaks as if she's talking more to herself and its very clear that she doesn’t remember a single thing from the night before.

“Shit. Is it just one article or like is there-”

“It’s everywhere Jeongyeon. Your name has been trending number one for hours and there’s articles everywhere I click.” 

Jeongyeon rubs a frustrated hand against her temples, tries to subdue the anxiety settling in her chest and tries for the love of god to just, breathe. 

“Okay, I’m getting up.” Everything spins as she moves her legs from out of the covers and she thinks she might black out as soon as she stands. 

“Jeong, I’m gonna come over. I can practically hear you collapsing from your hangover through the phone.” 

“Very funny.” 

“I’m serious. Although I can’t guarantee that I’ll get there before Dahyun. It’s safe to say that your manager is less than pleased with you.” 

Jeongyeon groans and moves through the living room towards the kitchen to make herself something, anything that will get rid of this headache. 

“Oh that’s great. So I can expect her to be knocking on my door with my third strike warning notice in hand any second now can I?” Sarcasm drips from her lips and she doesn’t know how Sana puts up with her really. 

She sighs. “Maybe try to get in contact with Jihyo because she’s going to be waking up to one hell of a mess too.” And Sana hangs up. 

It’s a miracle Jeongyeon even remembers half the events of the night prior honestly. She usually has a horrible memory when she has a few drinks in her but she also supposes that it’s hard to forget someone like Jihyo. 

Her finger hovers over the girl’s contact. ‘Park Jihyo’. And really she has no idea what to even say to her. But then she’s clicking on the call icon without another thought anyway and the dial tone echoes painfully loud throughout her apartment. 

It takes 3 rings before she picks up. “Who is this?” 

Jeongyeon stops for a second, thinks that maybe she has the wrong number because this sounds nothing like the girl who was whispering sweet nothings into her ear last night. But Jeongyeon knows not to just give out her name and number like this so she has to make sure it’s her. 

“Jihyo? Is that you?” 

The line is silent for a second. “This is Jihyo’s number, yes.” 

“Am I speaking to Jihyo now?” 

“No. I’m a friend of hers. Who is this?” 

“This is Yoo Jeongyeon. Can you pass on a message for me?” Then the line goes silent for a lot longer than a second. “Hello? You still there?” 

“So this is Jeongyeon then? As in _the_ Yoo Jeongyeon?” 

“Yes.” She doesn’t have time for this. 

“Jihyo is asleep right now and it’s been a weird few hours so I don’t wanna wake her up. What message do you want me to pass on to her?” Guilt riddles inside her. 

“Can you just tell her to call me back when she can. Tell her I’m sorry too.” Jeongyeon is almost grateful she’s not actually speaking to Jihyo right now because she thinks she might have had a breakdown over the phone if she was. 

“Sure, I can do that for you.” There’s a cold edge to the girl’s voice that makes her wince. “As long as you sort this _shitstorm_ out.” 

And then the line goes dead and Jeongyeon is left to stare at her blank phone screen. 

So Jeongyeon spends the next hour making whatever concoction of drinks she can to subdue this headache, ignoring the countless texts streaming through her phone and waiting for Dahyun to burst through the door. Because what exactly can one girl do to shut down such a media frenzy?

Eventually, she figures there’s not much point in ignoring the reality of it all and she ends up scrolling through article after article about the ever infamous Jeongyeon and her next fling. 

Her heart lodges in her throat at the sight of the pictures, clearly taken from inside the cafe opposite where they were sitting the night prior. Jeongyeon screws her eyes shut, hates that she’s been so reckless and naive; to think no one was around or that no one would recognise her ashy silver hair. 

She hates that Jihyo’s face isn’t exactly hidden either and she knows exactly what the girl meant on the other side of Jihyo’s line when she said it’s been a weird few hours. Dahyun eventually barges through her front door and she knows she’s about to have a weird few hours too.

“You promised me you’d stop being so reckless.” Dahyun doesn’t bother concealing her frustration and moves to sit at her kitchen island with notes upon notes and ignoring call upon phone call.

“I know, I’m sorry. It’s just… I got caught up last night. I got distracted and I think a part of me wanted to get back at everything for some reason.” 

Dahyun offers her a delicate glance, squeezing her shoulder comfortingly. “Maybe this is good.” 

“What?” 

“We can use this to your advantage. You said yourself that you want more control over your music for your next album right? Maybe we can use this - show your maturity and growth. Show everyone that you're more than this rogue singer with a new fling every month that the company makes you out to be. Write songs you really want.” Dahyun has a hand on her chin as she thinks to herself. 

“I’ve met the girl once.” 

“So meet her again.” Dahyun shrugs as if its the easiest decision in the world. 

Jeongyeon is spluttering and stuttering and now Dahyun is mocking her with a laugh erupting from her chest. Jeongyeon sighs exacerbated. “I’m not dragging her further into my mess.” 

“We’ll set up a meeting. She doesn’t have to do anything she’s not happy with. We’ll just set up a meeting, Jeongyeon. That’s all.” Dahyun speaks to her like she’ll break if she speaks too loud and she hates it. 

“Whatever.” 

“Give me her number.” 

Jeongyeon scribbles down the collection of numbers that she’s been staring at for the past three hours and lets Dahyun leave with a tired smile. 

“The company will have to release a statement tonight, so be ready in the next few hours for a meeting okay?” Jeongyeon nods and watches her walk out the door. 

The thought of meeting Jihyo again, sober this time, is almost driving her crazy and she’s scared to think that Jihyo will hate her now that everything has erupted like this. 

And a few hours later, when the sun is settling pink and blue hues across the sky and she’s climbing into her car with a hood over her head, she tries to stop herself from thinking about how Jihyo never bothered to call her back. 

The company building doesn’t offer much solace, not when every employee spares her secret glances - probably thinking about how she’s got herself into another scandal that the company has to clean up. 

Jeongyeon pulls her hood down, now makeup-less and tired, and swings the door open. She’s greeted by the sight of countless company executives sitting around the conference table in sensible attire. 

And then she sees _her_ sitting so out of place.

Jihyo doesn’t look up to meet her glance, even when Jeongyeon makes a noisy fuss as she walks in and takes a seat opposite her. The silence eats her up.

“You know, you do this to yourself Jeongyeon.” Jeongyeon whips her head up to the cold voice at the head of the table. “So if you could bring yourself to sign the paper in front of you and maybe do as you’re told for _once_ , we can get to talking about this agreement.” 

“What?” Jeongyeon hadn’t expected Jihyo to agree to it. The unknown daughter of one of the most influential businessmen in the country suddenly being thrown into the spotlight? In the midst of a dating scandal no less? Jeongyeon doesn’t understand. 

“This works in Miss Park’s favour too. Any publicity is good publicity after all and Park Co. seems to agree. Now we’re just waiting for you to sign the agreement, Jeongyeon.” 

Jeongyeon glances up and Jihyo finally meets her eyes. She looks different from the girl she met last night and Jeongyeon is jolted with anxiety. There’s a moment of realisation that she’s not the only one who feels so controlled in her job; Jihyo has to endure this too - similarly for the good of her career apparently. 

There’s no smirk this time. There’s no teasing glint in her eye. And there’s no comforting touches or understanding smiles. 

A knot lodges in her throat and Jeongyeon is scared to think that maybe she’s been duped. But this is Jihyo. And eventually she sends her a soft nod across the table as if to let her know that she’ll be okay. 

This could work for her. And apparently this could work for the both of them. 

Jeongyeon sighs, signs whatever sheet of paper is placed in front of her and watches as the people around the table begin talking about the logistics of it all. 

Jihyo doesn’t bother to spare her another glance either and the room suddenly feels so cold. The tension across the table is almost suffocating and all Jeongyeon can hear is the tail end of the discussion - something about a “6 month long agreement” and she tunes out the rest. 

Eventually Jeongyeon gives up on getting Jihyo’s attention and makes it a point to be the first to loudly leave as suited men and women discuss her uncontrollable reality and Dahyun sighs exacerbated before her. 

She abruptly pushes her chair back under the table, doesn’t bother to watch for Jihyo’s reaction and strides out the door in a noisy rush.

She takes her time leaving the building; strolls down the stairs with a sluggish step and leans exhausted against the wall as she waits for her ride in the car park. 

All she can hear is the rush of cars passing by and dulled conversations down the street and Jeongyeon wonders how she got here - feeling suffocated and misunderstood in a job she’s supposed to love. 

“I wasn’t lying you know.” Jeongyeon jumps at Jihyo’s voice.

“What?” Her voice cracks a little in surprise. 

“I wasn’t lying last night, when I said I don’t like famous people.” 

Jeongyeon scoffs, allows an amused smile even if she feels slightly caught out by it all. “Fair enough.”

She can tell Jihyo is messing with her by the way the corners of her mouth twitch upwards slightly.

Jihyo moves to stand next to her, shoves her hands in her pockets and sighs. Her arm grazes against hers and Jeongyeon almost flinches at the contact. “And it turns out that drunk me has the worst memory because I actually do have a few of your songs downloaded.”

Jeongyeon chuckles and glances quickly at the girl beside her because she’s just as gorgeous as she remembers her being. 

“Which ones?” 

“I’ll have you know that they were saved to my playlist by my friend ages ago.” Jihyo pulls her phone out, flicks through her downloaded songs and tilts the screen so that Jeongyeon can see. She wonders whether this friend was the one on the end of the phone this morning when she had tried to call Jihyo.

She leans in, silver hair falling in front of Jihyo’s face. 

“Oh, you like my slower songs then?” Jeongyeon smirks at the girl beside her who simply rolls her eyes. 

“Something like that.” Jihyo amusedly imitates Jeongyeon’s words from the previous night, closes the app and pockets her phone. Jeongyeon pretends her heart doesn’t pick up at the realisation that Jihyo does in fact remember their conversation. Or at least some of it.

There’s a beat of silence as the breeze rushes past them. Jeongyeon wants to ask her which song is her favourite. 

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Jeongyeon opts for a different question and speaks a little quieter as if it’s a delicate subject. 

“It’s business Jeongyeon. It works out well for your situation and it works out well for my situation too.”

“But… You didn’t really _choose_ to agree to this?” 

“If I want to inherit the company I need to show that I’m willing to do what it takes to help. My dad wouldn’t exactly be happy if I turned down the opportunity for free promo either.” 

Jihyo’s voice is stilted and reserved and Jeongyeon digests the words for a second. Of course. It’s just business. That’s all her life ever really is anyway. The words roll in the pit of her stomach and she hates that her heart drops a little. 

“We’ll be seeing a lot more of each other I suppose.” Jeongyeon had planned to apologise but now she wants nothing more than to run away. So she returns the stiltedness.

“Looks like it, Jeongyeon.” 

Jeongyeon feels a pressure settle on her chest at the realisation that Jihyo seems to quite like saying her name. Her name rolls off Jihyo’s tongue like it’s the easiest, most delicate thing. And it also drips from her lips like it’s a forbidden prayer and Jeongyeon thinks it might just drive her crazy.

“So where do we go from here?” Jihyo takes a few steps to stand in front of her as she voices the question.

“Well, we’re bound by contract to pretend we’re in love. So... that’s what we’ll do. We’ll pretend that we’re in love.” Jeongyeon shoves her hands in her pockets, takes a proper look at Jihyo too. 

Jihyo doesn’t flinch away at the eye contact this time. No, this time Jihyo looks between Jeongyeon’s eyes for far too long and then drags a gaze down her face, neck and white shirt that’s dancing a little in the breeze. 

Jeongyeon fiddles with her discarded hoodie and observes the girl in front of her as she shifts a hand through her hair subconsciously. Jihyo seems to be struck out of her daze by the action. Jeongyeon thinks she sees the events of last night, desperate hands carding through hair and heart kissed whimpers, flash in Jihyo’s eyes and then she’s speaking. “Do you think it’ll be hard? To pretend to love me?” 

“No.” 

Jihyo’s eyes widen a little in surprise at Jeongyeon’s rapid response, unleashes a nervous chuckle; or a scoff. It’s such a lightning fast flustered reaction that Jeongyeon can’t tell. “But you don’t even know me.”

“But we’ll be getting to know each other very well soon.” Jeongyeon lets the words roll slowly out of her mouth - watches as Jihyo pulls her bottom lip between her teeth in contemplation. 

“You’re a singer. A model. I’m sure you’re a great actress too - won’t take much effort to pretend, right?”

Jeongyeon shakes her head. “I’ve never really been into acting like that.” 

She doesn’t respond to Jeongyeon, simply watches her and Jihyo’s gaze feels like an incessant itch that won’t leave her skin.

“They’re going to make a statement tonight.” Jeongyeon looks away distractedly into the distance just to relieve some of the intensity in the air. 

“Uh huh.”

“Will you call me? If it’s too overwhelming. Maybe I could offer some kind of solace.” Jeongyeon is starting to think that maybe her suggestion is silly. Why would Jihyo call her for comfort when she could call a friend, someone she’s known longer than 24 hours? “Sorry that was stupid.”

Jihyo tilts her head with a small smile. “Sure. I’d like to make a friend out of this; a friend out of you, Jeongyeon.” 

Jeongyeon chokes a little on the tension. “Oh! Uh- Me too.” 

A friend. 

“So I’ll see you soon probably?” 

“Yeah.” Jeongyeon nods unsurely. And she doesn’t really know how to say goodbye to her barely friend-fake girlfriend so she opts for a quick nod. “Goodnight Jihyo.”

Jihyo returns the nod; offers her a small smile.

She doesn’t bother looking back at Jihyo as she walks past her; instead she gets into the car without a word and thinks about how no matter the outcome of this agreement, her next album will have the ghost of Jihyo entangled between every single word and meaning. 

Jeongyeon turns off all her notifications as soon as she gets home. She doesn’t bother looking at the news and she doesn’t bother comforting herself with her usual bowl of popcorn and light bit of reading. This time she goes to bed and tries to catch up on the sleep she missed the previous night. 

Anxiety scratches at her throat though. Even if she’s gotten herself into countless scandals before and even if she’s used to seeing her name everywhere, there’s something different about the situation this time. Jeongyeon thinks that it’s because this time, she actually cares about the person who has gotten themselves tangled up in her mess, even if she doesn’t really know her. 

But maybe she’s delusional with sleep, because how can you really truly care about someone when you’ve known them a few hours. So she screws her eyes shut and tries not to imagine a reality where she digs herself a hole of hurt and deception. 

And she doesn’t expect Jihyo to call her really. But Jeongyeon does receive the call. 

She can barely make out the shadows cluttering her room, never mind the words on her phone screen as it rings in her ear. Sleep smothers her head so she picks it up without glancing at the name. 

“Hello?” Her voice sounds a couple octaves lower in her own ears as she tries to wriggle the tiredness out of her words but the person on the other end of the line can probably tell that she’s been sleeping like a rock anyway.

“Jeongyeon? It’s Jihyo.” Jeongyeon sits up slightly with a jolt.

“Oh hi. Are you okay?”

“Well. Coping would be the better word.”

And once Jeongyeon takes her phone away from her ear for a second, watches as notification after notification floods in, she realises exactly why Jihyo is calling her. 

“Oh shit.”

“Sorry is this a bad time? I can tell my call woke you up.”

“No! No. I just realised that they released the statement. Sorry, I haven’t checked my phone.” For a second Jeongyeon thinks that maybe it sounds a little douchey - because how could she sleep through an entire announcement to the world that they’re dating when it’s the furthest thing from the truth? How could she sleep through something that’s probably kept Jihyo lying awake for hours with a heavy heart? 

“No worries. I don’t think I need to tell you for you to know that the news is kinda everywhere. But you’re used to the attention so I guess it’s not that big of a deal.”

Jeongyeon squints as she glances at the blinding ‘2:05AM’ on the top of her screen. “Have you slept yet?”

“No. My phone is kinda going crazy right now and I have a bit of answering to do considering this is the first my friends are hearing of it… I guess I have to figure that problem out.” Jihyo chuckles stiltedly. 

Jeongyeon hums. “Figure that out in the morning. I know it’s easier said than done but, try and get some sleep yeah?”

The question lands in the quiet between them for a moment. 

“Would it be weird if I asked you to stay on the phone until I do? Fall asleep I mean.” Jihyo’s voice is suddenly quiet and Jeongyeon hates that she’s put her through this.

“No. I can stay on the phone.” Jeongyeon moves back under the covers. 

There’s a silence beating through the line. 

Then, “Is it strange if I tell you that it feels like we’ve met before?” Jihyo’s words are quiet, like she’s afraid to wake Jeongyeon up even more. 

Jeongyeon allows an airy chuckle. “Is it strange if I tell you that I feel the same? Maybe we knew each other in a past life or something.” She smirks in amusement, knows Jihyo can probably tell she’s smirking even if she can’t see her and bites her lip as she anticipates her response. 

She suddenly feels wide awake now and Jeongyeon doesn’t mind too much that Jihyo has her feeling so alive in the dead of night and under sleepy eyes, even when she’s not in the room. 

“Maybe.” The quiet between their words is comfortable. “Do you believe in all that? Destiny and fate? Or do you think it’s a load of bs?” 

Jeongyeon takes a second to think. “I don’t know really. It’s hard to believe anything like that when people so readily leave me rather than come into my life.” 

She listens as Jihyo takes a sharp intake of breath on the other line. “That makes us want to hold on harder to the people who do stay though. And maybe that’s the important lesson of it all. Don’t you think?” 

She weirdly hopes that Jihyo is one of the ones who stays. Maybe they’re both delirious with sleep. 

“Maybe.” Jeongyeon hates that their conversations have been founded on maybes.

“What were you dreaming about? Before I woke you up. Anything special?” Jihyo moves on to something lighter. 

“Um well-” 

“Or are you one of those people that never really has dreams?” 

Jeongyeon chuckles tiredly. “It was a bit of a nightmare actually so I’m glad you woke me up.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yeah it was one of those dreams where you’re running away but you can’t run fast enough. Do you know what I mean?” 

Jihyo hums in understanding. “What were you running from?” 

In all honesty Jeongyeon can’t remember. 

And Jeongyeon doesn’t recall watching two whole hours pass by before Jihyo finally falls asleep, but here she is, glancing at the bright 4:12AM on her alarm clock and chuckling as her rambling is met with silence. 

She wonders whether it was her rambling on about her pets or her discussion about her favourite cities that put Jihyo to sleep. 

She forgets to hang up before her eyes droop and when she wakes up, she finds her phone surviving on 4% battery life and Jihyo’s name plastered across her phone screen still with a call time of 8 hours.

She doesn’t hear anything from Jihyo for the rest of the day and she thinks that maybe she deserves it. She’s dragged Jihyo into such a mess and now her name is plastered across every stitch of the internet. Even if Jihyo was joking about hating 'famous people' before, there must be some truth to it now that one has meddled so much with her life. 

She tries not to think about how easy it is with Jihyo - basically a stranger. But she hates how she won’t have an excuse to see her for a while.

+

Jeongyeon doesn’t want to be the first to reach out. She figures that Jihyo needs her space from everything, especially from the girl who’s made such an explosion in her life. So a week goes by without much of a word except a general text: 

[Jeongyeon]: ‘ _u ok_?’

[Park Jihyo]: ‘ _Yeah. You_?’ 

[Jeongyeon]: ‘ _yea think we’re scheduled to attend some kind of event soon right_ ?’

And Jeongyeon thinks that a conversation over text won’t do much to settle her nerves. But then Jihyo does message her again, one more time, and Jeongyeon hates to admit that her heart jumps out of her throat at the notification; but it does. 

“Is that Jihyo?” Sana asks with the sweetest, most non-innocent voice and scoops another bit of ice cream out of the tub with her spoon. 

Jeongyeon rolls her eyes and pushes Sana’s shoulder teasingly because she hasn’t shut up about how she thinks Jeongyeon has found her soulmate in Jihyo and Jeongyeon has spent the whole week trying to convince Chaeyoung that she’s speaking a load of rubbish and that they barely know each other.

“Why does it matter?” She shrugs her shoulders as nonchalantly as possible and ignores the snorts coming from the other side of the sofa as Chaeyoung and Sana erupt into childish giggles again. 

“So it _is_ her. Thought as much by the way you’ve been smiling at your phone for 10 minutes straight.” 

“Could say the same for you whenever Momo texts you.” Jeongyeon rolls her eyes.

“Speaking of Momo. She wants me to make you promise that you won’t run away from her again like you did at the party last week. She is your bodyguard for a reason you know.” Sana occupies herself with the ice cream as she speaks.

“It happened _once_.” 

“Maybe Jihyo is a bad influence on you.” Chaeyoung snipes from beside Sana with a teasing smile. 

Jeongyeon sighs, gives the pair a deadpan stare to shut them up and returns back to her phone. Sana scoots a little closer. “What did she say anyway?” 

“She wants to know if I’m free this evening. Something about having dinner with her roommates.” 

Chaeyoung snorts. “What is this? Meet the parents?”

Jeongyeon types back a response, deletes it and rephrases it about 15 times before sending a plain ‘ _sure i should be free then_.’ She watches the three dots dance on the screen and then Jihyo replies with a simple address and time. She adds on a ‘Don’t be too late’ which makes Jeongyeon chuckle a little even if it’s supposed to be serious. 

An hour later, Jeongyeon finds herself stressing about what to wear and she feels silly because Sana pinches her cheeks and cooes at her for supposedly wanting to impress Jihyo to which she vehemently disagrees. 

So here she is, standing outside Jihyo’s apartment door wearing a leather jacket and jeans that Chaeyoung claimed was “very you”. She knocks twice and tries not to appear too on edge when a girl she doesn’t recognise answers the door. 

“Hey, you’re on time.” The girl lets her in and offers to take the wine bottle from her hand that Jeongyeon had searched high and low for in the store down the road. 

“It’s nice to meet you…” Jeongyeon raises her voice a little at the end in question. 

“Tzuyu. And it’s good to finally meet you too. I guess you can figure that we’ve heard a lot about you.” Maybe Jihyo has been thinking about her then. “It was kinda crazy seeing Jihyo all over social media like that.” 

And then Jeongyeon remembers that of course, there’s a thing called the internet and naturally, they would’ve heard a lot about her if her name is all over the damn thing. 

Jeongyeon nods awkwardly and lets Tzuyu lead her further through the apartment where she hears a very familiar voice. Jeongyeon asks her what she does, just to make small talk, and on their short journey from the front door to the kitchen, they discover that they both volunteer at the same animal shelter. 

Jeongyeon tries to contain her excitement as she discusses with Tzuyu the intricacies of animal care and the names of their own pets, but then she hears someone clear their throat and finds Jihyo watching them with a fond smile from across the kitchen island. 

She looks so pretty drowning in an oversized hoodie and hair slightly wavy. 

“Hey.”

“Hey.” 

And maybe they’re looking at each other for a little too long because someone appears beside her with a cackle and Jeongyeon hadn’t even realised she was there. 

“Are you two just gonna keep staring at each other like that or what?” The slightly shorter girl holds out a hand for Jeongyeon to shake, so she takes it. “Im Nayeon.” Jeongyeon immediately recognises the voice. 

“We’ve talked before.” 

“Over the phone. Sorry if I came across as rude by the way. Jihyo wanted me to apologise.” Nayeon smiles and Jihyo rolls her eyes. 

Jeongyeon chuckles and waves a nonchalant hand as if to discard the apology. 

Jihyo doesn’t say much to her for the rest of the evening; or at least not as much as she had said to her at that party last week. Jeongyeon puts it down to the fact that they’re not completely smashed like they were then, and maybe it would be worth considering their two hour conversation over the phone in the middle of the night last week that was entirely too comfortable and natural for a pair of strangers. She isn't sure how to approach.

But Jeongyeon pretends that she doesn’t feel Jihyo’s gaze on her half the time and instead listens to whatever college stories Nayeon and Tzuyu have to splurt out about her. 

She giggles at Jihyo’s embarrassment, sends her soft smiles when Jihyo’s cheeks are still a blazing red even if they’ve moved on to another conversation topic and lets Jihyo know that she has her full attention whenever she is talking by training her eyes on her from across the table. 

Jeongyeon kind of likes the way Jihyo sneaks her a little glance whenever she can feel her looking. It’s all so shy and delicate. 

Then, for a while it’s just Jeongyeon asking Jihyo questions about a particular story and it almost feels like it’s just the two of them at the table. Jeongyeon almost forgets the presence of Jihyo’s best friends literally sitting beside them. 

“You’re close with Sana and Chaeyoung right?” Nayeon interrupts their discussion about what colour Jihyo’s dorm walls were in college. 

Jeongyeon turns quickly away from Jihyo as if she’s been burnt. And it almost feels like she has because she’s just realised that Jihyo has been listening to her with a bite of her lip and doting eyes that jolt her a little. “Yeah.” 

“They have good music. Think you can set up our dear Tzuyu here on a date of some sorts with Chaeyoung?” Nayeon questions with a playful smile and Jeongyeon doesn’t mind that she’s managed to get comfortable enough in the space of three hours to roll her eyes jokingly at the girl. 

Tzuyu drops her head in her hands to which Nayeon responds with a cackle and then Jeongyeon is reminded. She’s been meaning to figure out exactly how Jihyo and Sana knew each other.

“So how do you know Sana? She won’t tell me anything except for the fact that you’ve known each other for a few years.” Jeongyeon tries to make the question seem as casual as possible but she’s been dying to know all week and this is the only chance she’ll get to know because Sana weirdly won’t budge. 

“Oh we just met through a mutual friend.” 

“A mutual friend?” 

Jihyo looks up quickly. “Yeah someone I went to college with. She works in the music industry now too which is how she met Sana I’m guessing.” 

Jeongyeon racks her brain for names of this possible mutual friend but then Nayeon is pointing a fork at her. “So does Jihyo get free tickets to your next tour?” 

And the confusion is wiped from her thoughts as she chuckles. Nayeon seems to have taken a liking to her, or at least she thinks she does because they’ve been sniping sarcastic jokes at each other all evening and the way Jihyo has been sneaking them confused, stilted stares hasn’t gone over her head. 

“Only if she admits to liking my music.” Jeongyeon smirks. 

“I’ve already said that I have some of your songs downloaded!” A giggle erupts from Tzuyu beside her as Jihyo defends herself to no avail. 

“Which song is your favourite then?” Jeongyeon finally has the chance to ask her.

Jihyo sends her a teasing glare, then matches her smirk. “ _‘Dress’_.” Jeongyeon’s cheeks burn a little. Not exactly her most innocent song.

“Oh I like that song!” Nayeon doesn’t seem to notice her embarrassment and Jeongyeon is almost grateful for her interruptions. Jeongyeon allows a shy smile and bows her head a little because she hasn’t taken lessons or anything of the sort on how to accept compliments since last week. Jihyo’s smirk morphs into a soft smile and it feels like this is a recurring pattern between them. Smirks and soft smiles. 

“I’m sure I can get you all tickets next time I tour.” 

“See Jihyo, this agreement was totally worth it.” Nayeon points a finger into Jihyo’s chest.

“Can you tell Nayeon is a little bit of a fan of your music?” Tzuyu murmurs beside her but they can all hear and Nayeon reaches across the countertop to smack Tzuyu’s arm. 

“I am not! Okay maybe a little, but you’re treading on a fine line Yoo. One single wrong move and I will not be accepting any invitations to see you in concert.” Nayeon points a finger at her but Jeongyeon doesn’t wince like she did when Nayeon was being cold to her over the phone last week. 

“I won’t be doing anything to hurt Jihyo.” Jeongyeon lets her voice soften even if she’s dealing with a very sarcastic Nayeon narrowing suspicious eyes at her. 

“You have to promise.” And Nayeon suddenly looks genuinely concerned for Jihyo, like she knows something they don’t; like she’s already watching the situation blow up in slow motion before them. 

“What is up with you Nay? It’s all pretend and it’s not even for that long-” Jihyo interrupts them with a confused frown on her face, flustered hands tucking hair behind her ears in an attempt to occupy herself. 

“I promise.” Jeongyeon interrupts Jihyo instead. And Jeongyeon doesn’t make promises she doesn’t intend on keeping. 

Then Jihyo is looking at her with slightly wider eyes, like she knows that they haven’t known each other long enough but maybe she trusts her with this one. 

Nayeon nods, satisfied, and moves to clear up their plates with a reassuring smile and silent thank yous Jeongyeon knows she doesn’t intend on voicing. When she makes a move to get out of her seat to help, Tzuyu shoos her away gently and gets up to join Nayeon. Then it’s just her and Jihyo alone with glasses of wine in hand and a charged silence between them. 

“They’re nice. Funny.” Jeongyeon takes a sip of her drink as she makes eye contact with the girl across from her. 

“Hm?” Jihyo looks like she’s been shaken out of a daze. 

“Your friends.” 

“Oh! Yeah, I don’t know what I’d do without them to be honest.” Jihyo’s words are drowned out slightly by the clattering of plates and glasses in the sink. 

“It’s good that you have them to rely on.” Jihyo nods in agreement and Jeongyeon doesn’t know what else to say. But Jeongyeon thinks that despite the initial awkwardness of it all, the evening has given her a sense of normalcy that she didn’t know she needed. 

“We should do this again some time.” Jeongyeon suggests.

“Really?” 

“Yeah. I’ve had a really good time this evening.” And she thinks that if she wasn’t a household name and had gone to college like her parents had wanted her to, she might have made good friends out of people like Nayeon and Tzuyu. 

The tension that’s made a home for itself on Jihyo’s face dissipates and suddenly she’s glowing at her with an uncontrollable smile that Jihyo has to bite her lip in order to suppress. It’s the cutest sight and Jeongyeon never likes to admit that she’s one for cliches, but it quite literally feels like there’s fireworks going off in her chest and it doesn’t hurt. Instead, it’s the most maddening feeling and Jeongyeon doesn’t mind it. 

Jeongyeon wants to bring up the kiss; because they haven’t mentioned it once and maybe ignoring it will make things worse between them. But when Jihyo is looking at her like that, smile tugging uncontrollably at her cheeks and a pink glow to her skin, Jeongyeon doesn’t want to break it all. 

“They wanted to make sure you weren’t a complete asshole in person so I think it’s safe to say you’ve passed the test.”  
Jeongyeon laughs heartily because even if she’s only known Nayeon and Tzuyu for approximately three and a half hours, it seems exactly like something they’d do.

Jihyo can’t seem to keep her eyes to herself and Jeongyeon doesn’t know whether it’s the new leather jacket draped over her shoulders or the fact that she had to unbutton her sheer white shirt a little because it was too hot and now her shirt has shifted down a little. 

She doesn’t mind Jihyo looking - wants her to keep her eyes on her. Jeongyeon takes a second to move her hand carefully over her collarbones just to test her theory. She observes as Jihyo follows her hand and confirms that it is in fact the unbuttoned shirt. 

And then Jihyo is looking back up at her like she’s been caught red handed. 

Jeongyeon swallows thickly because she almost knows for a fact that they both have their drunken kiss from last week playing in their heads and she can see it in the way Jihyo tugs at the collar of her hoodie to give herself some breathing room. 

“Is that a tattoo?” Nayeon strolls back into the room with Tzuyu trailing behind her. 

Jeongyeon looks up with wide questioning eyes.

“There.” Nayeon points a casual finger, motioning to bare skin on her wrist, no longer disguised by her jacket. 

“Ah yeah.” Jeongyeon scratches her neck awkwardly. 

“I didn’t realise you were allowed to get tattoos.” Tzuyu questions as she takes the seat next to her again. 

“We’re not. But what exactly are my management gonna do about it right?” She chuckles nervously. 

“How rebellious.” Nayeon snorts. 

“I like it.” Jihyo leans her head on her hands, stares at her, admires her; and Jeongyeon really tries to make it less obvious that she’s flustered by it but Nayeon is suddenly suppressing a chuckle and she knows she’s not exactly being subtle. 

“Can I..?” Jihyo leaves out a hand with her palm upwards, as if to encourage her to move her arm into her grasp. 

“Sure.” 

Jihyo traces a scratching finger over the numbers etched into her skin. She doesn’t ask what it means and Jeongyeon is scared for a second that maybe Jihyo can read minds and has been fully aware this whole time that her heart has been beating out of her chest everytime she takes a look at her. 

“Do you have anymore?” Jihyo murmurs with a lick of her lips. 

Jeongyeon wonders how Jihyo went from stealing anxious glances at her to retracing the ghostly touches of last week on to her skin. 

“Yeah I have a few. Maybe I’ll let you see them sometime.” 

Jihyo glances back up at her face and it sounds like a promise of tomorrow that Jeongyeon isn’t sure they have. The industry is unpredictable and she knows that she can’t ask more from Jihyo when she barely has a grasp on her own life. 

Jeongyeon estimates that it takes approximately 20 minutes of conversation more before her phone starts ringing and Jeongyeon knows that it’s her cue to leave when she reads Dahyun’s name on her screen. 

“I should get going.” 

“Already?” Jihyo’s doesn’t exactly sound surprised but maybe she’s just sad to see her leave. 

“Yeah sorry. My manager’s calling me. I can never have a peaceful night.” Jeongyeon jokes but Jihyo only gives her a solemn nod. She bids Nayeon and Tzuyu goodbye, gives in and exchanges phone numbers and then lets Jihyo lead her out of the apartment. 

“So I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Jihyo leans against the front door before Jeongyeon can leave. 

“Yep.” 

Jihyo nods and sighs as she leans her head against the door. And Jeongyeon thinks that maybe the look they exchange is enough of a goodbye as it is and descends the stairs, out of Jihyo’s sight. 

+

“Well it’s a nice car, that’s for sure. I don’t think I want to know exactly how much this cost you.” Jihyo runs a hand down the back of Jeongyeon’s leather seat just to admire it, and glances around the interior like she’s a tourist walking the streets of Seoul for the first time. 

Jeongyeon shrugs her shoulders because she’s not sure she wants to tell Jihyo that little detail either. “I’ve had it for a while. Probably doesn’t help my case to know that the heating system is broken.”

Jihyo sighs and turns back around to set her body facing forward again, out the front windscreen. 

“Might want to get that fixed then. But it won’t exactly be hard to wait around in a car like this anyway suppose.” 

“It’s for 30 minutes tops, Jihyo. We just need to let them take a few pictures of us out together and then we can go.” 

“I know. It just feels a bit weird waiting for people with cameras to notice us just so they can take pictures of us. What if I’m pulling a weird face in one of them?” Jeongyeon can tell Jihyo is talking to herself more than anyone else so she lets her ramble. 

“Uh huh.” 

“Are these really supposed to be the killer photos that convince the public we’re actually dating? Us sitting in your 6 figure car in the middle of nowhere when any other normal couple would be sitting in the comfort of their own homes?” 

“Apparently so.” 

“Maybe the life of a celebrity isn’t as exhilarating and scandalous as people make it out to be huh?” 

Jihyo looks at her quickly and Jeongyeon can’t help rolling her eyes at the comment. She’ll admit that maybe this isn’t as thrilling as running away from a bustling party with a stranger she’s known for an hour. But now she’s sitting alone in a quiet car with said stranger and maybe they can still make something of this. 

“So what shall we do to make this a little more exciting then?” Jeongyeon glides her hands around the still steering wheel in front of her just to occupy herself. 

“Ever gone on a late night drive before?” 

“What? Just to anywhere?” Jeongyeon finally turns around to actually look at Jihyo and she finds Jihyo already looking back at her. 

“Yeah. Go wherever the road takes us. Getaway from everything for a while.” There’s a glint in Jihyo’s eyes again that Jeongyeon recognises from that fateful party. 

Jeongyeon starts up the car and Jihyo’s hand finds hers on the gear stick, shock instincts. “We’ve barely been here 10 minutes” Jihyo voices incredulously, like she’s in disbelief that Jeongyeon would just drive away from the agreement they’ve signed. 

Jeongyeon turns away from Jihyo just to nod at the road ahead of them. “There’s been a photographer hiding away on the side of the road for the past five minutes. I’m sure our pictures will be everywhere in the next hour.” 

She clicks on the indicator and tries to ignore the fact that Jihyo’s fingers are still lingering a touch on her hand even as she changes gears. 

It’s almost like Jihyo doesn’t even realise herself that her hand is still on Jeongyeon’s because 15 minutes later, as the car speeds onto the highway, Jeongyeon changes gears again for the hundredth time and Jihyo suddenly jumps away like she’s been burnt. 

Jeongyeon can feel her cheeks reddening a little, because she easily could’ve said something, made a little joke about Jihyo wanting to hold her hand because maybe she gets travel sickness; but she never did. 

“Do you think that maybe you’re going a little too fast?” Jihyo’s hands are now sitting firmly in her lap and Jeongyeon can see from the corner of her eyes as Jihyo watches her drive. 

“I’m doing the speed limit.” Jeongyeon hadn’t thought she was going that fast. 

“You’re doing 15 over the speed limit actually.” Jihyo nods her head towards the blinding road sign that rushes past the window. There’s a sudden noise that rings through the car and Jeongyeon can’t place it. 

“And you haven’t even got your seatbelt on?! How have you lived this long?” Jihyo sounds furious with her and Jeongyeon thinks it’s genuinely ridiculous how her heart flutters at the thought of Jihyo caring for her or being concerned for her safety. 

Because of course she cares whether she has her seatbelt on at 80 mph. Jihyo probably stressed out about whether her teddy bear had a seatbelt on when she was a kid, that’s just the way she is. 

Jeongyeon slows down a little because even if she has a habit of pushing too hard on the accelerator, maybe speeding while Jihyo is reaching for her seatbelt isn’t the best idea.

Jeongyeon manoeuvres her hands around the steering wheel so that Jihyo can pull the cable across her body and plug it in with a resounding click. 

“You have to look after yourself, Jeongyeon.” Jihyo murmurs under her breath and it sounds too soft. Jeongyeon feels way too flustered for her own good. 

Sarcasm seems like the fit response. “Would you like to drive instead?”

“I actually would take you up on that offer if I was insured on your car.” Jihyo crosses her arms now as if to reiterate the point home that she thinks Jeongyeon is a reckless driver. 

“Jihyo the ever law abiding citizen huh?” Jeongyeon can’t help looking quickly to her side just to gage her reaction. 

“Maybe if you kept your eyes on the road instead of on me, I wouldn’t be scared of you crashing the damn car. I understand I can distract you sometimes but let’s think about health and safety yeah?” She can practically hear the smirk on Jihyo’s face without even having to take another look at her and Jeongyeon thinks that the car going 80 mph down the road is suddenly a great excuse not to acknowledge Jihyo’s teasing eyes. 

“Maybe you should spend more time choosing some music instead of critiquing my driving..?” 

Jihyo scoffs and reaches to press the bluetooth button on the dashboard. Then she’s flicking through her phone and putting it away just as quickly. 

A guitar sounds through the speakers. 

“... Is that my song?” A laugh bubbles in her chest and Jeongyeon suddenly thinks everything is hilarious - from the look of embarrassment on Jihyo’s face and the flustered way she reaches for her phone to choose another song to the stubborn action of crossing her arms and looking out the window. 

“Let’s pretend that never happened.” 

“What happened to only listening to like, five of my songs?” She lets out a ragged breath because maybe she’s chuckling a little too much. Or maybe she’s a little flustered by the thought of Jihyo actually listening to the stuff she’s written. 

“Well _sorry_ for branching out a little and checking out a few more of your songs. I thought it would be a little weird if I didn’t listen to my _girlfriend’s_ music.” Jihyo huffs beside her and Jeongyeon slows down a little more because she wants to take another look at the girl in the passenger seat without getting a lecture about speeding. 

“So you’ve done your research huh?” Jeongyeon lets the words lilt a little in amusement, just to lighten Jihyo’s embarrassment. 

“Maybe. Maybe I know you pretty well now.” It’s smug and it’s oh so Jihyo and Jeongyeon’s heart is beating too hard in her chest again. The internet is a cesspool of information Jeongyeon isn’t sure she wants Jihyo to know. Her whole life is plastered across it and perhaps Jihyo does know her pretty well. 

“Oh yeah?” It’s a challenge and a part of her wouldn’t mind Jihyo winning it. 

“Exhibit A - you pulling the car into this dingy diner is very predictable.” She can feel Jihyo’s eyes on her as she spins the steering wheel left into the car park; a lonely diner in front of them. 

“Predictable?” 

Jihyo has to reach over to jolt the steering wheel a little further right because Jeongyeon is looking at her instead of the road and she nearly clips the car with the curb. 

She’s close now, body half-way over the gearbox and the hand that was on the steering wheel falls into Jeongyeon’s lap, grasping at her thigh just to steady herself. 

Her fingers dig into her jeans and Jeongyeon uses her other hand to steady Jihyo as well; firmly placing a touch on her waist so that the short haired girl can pull herself back into her seat without impaling herself with the gear stick. 

She huffs as she moves back, glares at her and points to the empty spot that’s right in front of the diner entrance. 

“Are you trying to kill us?” Jeongyeon doesn’t pay much mind to Jihyo’s complaints as the car comes to a stop. 

“What part of all this is predictable?” Jeongyeon just wants to know and Jihyo laughs at the incredulous look on her face. Even if she is trying to sound as disbelieving as possible, the smile tugging at her lips must be an obvious pointer to Jihyo that she’s not half serious. 

Her heart feels so light, with the windows down, pink clouds painting the sky and Jihyo’s hearty laugh ringing in her ears. 

“It just seems like somewhere your poetic little head would gravitate to.” Jihyo’s voice is infused with tired giggles and then it’s quiet. 

“I’d hardly say I’m poetic.” Jeongyeon scoffs and unbuckles her seatbelt with a soft smile. 

“You’re very good with your words. I’d say that’s poetic.” Jihyo’s voice sounds like it’s beating against the car windows but it’s probably got something to do with the fact that they’re in the middle of nowhere, not a single running car in sight and in the middle of the night no less. 

“You think I’m good with my words?” Heat rushes to her cheeks because now Jeongyeon knows for sure that Jihyo has actually been paying attention to her lyrics and maybe the person Jeongyeon has been writing to all along was this girl beside her with a playful tinge to her smile and pretty eyes. 

Jihyo nods, almost shy.

A desperate need to make the conversation lighter overcomes her because maybe she is just a little poetic and maybe that’s why she gets her heart hurt a lot more often than she lets on. 

“So could I persuade you to buy me a milkshake and a doughnut inside? Since I’m so good with my words?” She tilts her head and watches as Jihyo rolls her eyes again. 

“Give me a little persuasive speech to explain why I should buy you anything and I’ll think about it.” 

Jeongyeon hums. “Because you’re a rich ceo’s daughter?” 

“Okay so you’re buying your own milkshake.” Jihyo opens the car door with a snort that makes Jeongyeon want to tease her again. 

She grabs her arm and Jihyo turns back around startled. It’s all instinct. And Jeongyeon couldn’t care less for the milkshakes or the doughnuts, but maybe telling Jihyo that she’d owe her one sounds a lot like a promise of tomorrow that she really wants. 

“How about if I promise to buy you whatever milkshake you want whenever we come back here?” 

“Are you saying that you intend to drag me here again?” There it is once more. The glint in Jihyo’s eyes and teasing smirk. 

“What if I said that I intend to take you to a lot of places?” And it’s so vague that Jeongyeon doesn’t even know what she means by it herself but she does know that she wants to show Jihyo a world that’s a lot more exciting than the confines of her office walls. 

She thinks that for a second, she sees Jihyo glance down to her lips. But she blinks and Jihyo is still looking between her eyes. 

“See? Poetic.” Jihyo’s smile is not teasing. It’s not playful. It hasn’t got the mischievous tilt to it that it usually does. 

Instead, it’s so soft, so delicate, that Jeongyeon feels like the breeze around them stills for a moment; and suddenly everything has stopped. 

But the breeze does pick up again, and a strand of hair falls in front of her face and now she can only see half of Jihyo’s tender smile. 

Jihyo reaches out, one leg outside of the car and the other inside, and tucks the strand behind Jeongyeon’s ear again. “Come on. I’ll get you that milkshake.”Jihyo places two feet onto the gravel, closing the car door behind her.

Jeongyeon smiles to herself, locks the car and follows Jihyo inside this retro-esque diner that she’s never heard of. 

“What flavour do you want?” 

“Hm?” 

Jihyo stands by the table as Jeongyeon takes a seat in the booth with a view of the car. “Do you like strawberry? Chocolate? Don’t tell me you like banana flavoured milkshakes…” A look of disgust overcomes her and Jeongyeon chuckles. 

“Chocolate, please.” 

Jihyo’s hand grips at the leather of Jeongyeon’s seat and she can’t tell if it’s subconscious or not but she tucks Jihyo’s belt back into the forgotten belt hoop just to return the closeness. 

Jihyo glances down, and offers her a shy smile before walking away to order. 

Jeongyeon likes this: the whole running away thing; just to get away from everything for a while. It’s not like she could do something like this with Sana or Chaeyoung considering they all have schedules that drone on into the late night and early morning most of the time. 

Even if it is a little sketchy, just two girls sitting in the middle of an empty diner with no other service or building in the vicinity, this is the most thrilling thing Jeongyeon has done in months. 

“Well this all looks like an explosion of sugar but I don’t mind too much.” Jihyo’s teasing voice returns from behind her and then she’s placing two milkshakes and two sugar doughnuts onto the table in front of them. 

Jihyo takes a seat opposite her, sipping on her drink already. They sit there like that for a while, silent, sipping on their milkshakes and taking in the flickering neon lights that decorate the place and attempts at 50’s American decorations that Jeongyeon will admit are quite cute. 

“What would you rate this place then Jeongyeon?” Jihyo takes another sip and looks up at her with questioning eyes. Just how comfortable the silence was between them startles Jeongyeon more than Jihyo’s sudden question.

“Well the milkshake isn’t bad. And the company is alright.” Jeongyeon smirks because it’s always Jihyo smirking and now she wants to show her otherwise.

Jihyo hums with a playful smile and watches her pick up a doughnut from the plate. 

It’s always a little awkward - eating when you know people are looking at you, but Jeongyeon bites into it because she’s craving something sugary and she’s used to being watched. 

She hums. “S’good.” Sugar coats her lips and she fully intends on licking the remnants off but Jihyo seems to beat her to it, reaching out a hand and wiping the clumps of sugar away from her lips with her thumb. 

Jeongyeon stops, watches Jihyo dance a touch across her bottom lip once more and then sit back into her seat like it’s nothing; except for the pink blush on her cheeks. 

But then she’s smirking again and Jeongyeon, for once, wants to show the girl that she can be more than just a flustered mess. 

“Are you _flirting_ with me?” It’s maybe too bold of a question for two (barely) friends to be contemplating in the middle of the night. But then Jeongyeon thinks that Jihyo hasn’t really said anything explicitly flirty and maybe she’s just being stupid because all Jihyo was doing was wiping her mouth clean of sugar for gods sake.

“I- Am I what?” Jihyo’s questions with an increasingly red tinge to her cheeks. 

“Nothing. Nothing, sorry.” She chuckles nervously because seriously, what the fuck has possessed her? Now she gets to add this to the list of stupid things she’s said that she can reminisce about at night and- 

“So what if I am?” Jihyo’s hand wraps a little too tightly around her milkshake and Jeongyeon has to glance down a couple times so that she gets the idea. 

Jeongyeon is stumped. This was not the answer she was expecting and now she doesn’t really know what to say. 

“Is everything okay over here?” The waitress appears beside them out of thin air and Jeongyeon manages to suppress the reflex to jump. 

"Yes thank you.” She doesn’t mean to be short but her thoughts are a mess and Jihyo offers a polite extra word of appreciation anyway. 

“Well I hate to break it to you two ladies but we’re not a 24 hour diner so we’ll be closing soon.” The waitress’ voice grates against the quiet and she nods stiltedly, waits for her to leave them to it. 

The doughnut sits abandoned on her plate now and Jeongyeon suddenly thinks that the menu plastered on the wall is so interesting. I mean, wow. Two burgers for the price of one on Thursday nights? Maybe if she pretends she can’t feel Jihyo’s eyes boring into her head, she can examine the prices a little more. 

For next time. 

“Strawberry is better than chocolate when it comes to milkshakes anyway.” Jeongyeon jumps her attention back to the girl opposite her. 

“What?” There’s a slight shake to Jeongyeon’s voice that almost makes her wince. 

“Want to try?” Jihyo motions her milkshake forward with a voice less daring than it was 20 seconds ago.

“I prefer chocolate.” 

“Well I figured considering that’s what you ordered. Maybe this will change your mind though.” She shifts it across the table and nods towards the drink. “It’s so nice, I honestly think it’ll be better than the chocolate.” 

“You wanna bet?” Jeongyeon picks up the drink with a cautious smile.

“Bet.” 

Jeongyeon wants to prove that smug grin on her face otherwise. 

But she’s right. Strawberry milkshakes are just better and maybe she takes a few extra sips before Jihyo gasps scandalously at her and snatches the drink away. 

“Get your own!” Now there’s an aghast smile on her face and Jeongyeon knows they’re about 0.3 seconds away from bursting out into fits of laughter that will have the waitress rolling her eyes at them from across the room. 

“Am I gonna have to give you a lesson on how to share?” A chuckle erupts in Jeongyeon’s chest and she almost doesn’t finish the sentence. 

“So I was right? It is better than chocolate?” 

“Maybe.” 

“If only those photographers could catch pictures of us now, sharing a milkshake.” Jihyo playfully shakes her head with a sigh and then reaches over to take Jeongyeon’s chocolate milkshake. 

“They’d have a field day with those photos.” 

Jihyo takes a sip of the chocolate, makes a vaguely satisfied face and then speaks a little louder because the electric fan plugged in a few tables down is now making a clacking noise - “I can imagine the headlines. ‘ _Yoo Jeongyeon on first public date with new fling Park Jihyo_ '.” 

Jihyo’s voice is as dramatic as ever, drawing a dramatic hand through the air and Jeongyeon winces slightly at the volume of it. She snorts for extra effect and Jeongyeon rolls her eyes, taking her milkshake back before Jihyo finishes the entire thing. 

“This doesn’t look anything like a date.” 

“What part of this doesn’t look like a date to you?” It’s the deadpan stare that has Jeongyeon fidgeting because Jihyo is posing a very good question. What part of this _doesn’t_ look like a date?

Jeongyeon opens her mouth to answer but then the lone waitress is locking the cash register and making a racket around the place; probably trying to make it obvious that it’s closing time. 

The lights flicker off one by one and they’re plunged into a dim light that has Jihyo laughing softly opposite her. 

Jeongyeon gets up, abandons the half empty milkshakes on the table and holds a hand out for Jihyo to take in case it’s a little too dark. It’s not. But just in case. 

Jihyo shouts a thank you before they exit and Jeongyeon lets go of the hold because maybe this does look a lot like a date. Which it definitely isn’t. 

“So was this a date?” Jihyo smiles cheekily at her over the top of the car before she opens the door. Jihyo is obviously joking. She likes to mess with her; likes to see her a blushing wreck and that’s all. 

“No, this was not a date.” Jeongyeon suppresses the urge to smile and puts the keys into ignition before Jihyo has even closed the door.

“You’re too pretty not to flirt with, you know.” Jeongyeon doesn’t know how she’s supposed to navigate reversing out of the car park with Jihyo’s admission stinging her ears. 

And then she knows that no matter how much she tries to convince Jihyo otherwise, she’s always going to be a flustered wreck of red cheeks and stuttering touches. So here she is, with a hand round the back of Jihyo’s seat trying to reverse and Jihyo laughing her head off beside her. 

She hears Jihyo mutter a “cute” under her breath and she pretends she doesn’t hear it.

“I’ll drop you home.” It’s quiet now and Jeongyeon almost feels like she’s speaking too loud. 

“Already? We barely even made it out of the city.” It’s a wonder Jihyo doesn’t notice her own yawns and drooping eyes as she pouts at Jeongyeon. It’s obvious that she’s been losing sleep and Jeongyeon almost hates herself for it. 

“Another time.” Jeongyeon thinks it’s too dangerous to be making promises like this. She’s starting to lose track of how many she’s made. 

“Another time?” Jihyo is a whole lot softer when she’s half asleep. Jeongyeon thinks that maybe she’ll make one more promise to herself - to do everything in her power to protect the girl gazing dreamily back up at her with a sleepy smile. 

Jihyo lays her head against the backrest, turns it so that she’s still looking up at Jeongyeon and pulls her legs up to her chest. 

It’s all so endearing and Jeongyeon knows she’s so royally fucked. Because it would cost hundreds to replace the leather on her car seats but she really doesn’t mind all too much that Jihyo’s mud encrusted shoes are digging into the chair underneath her. 

“I’ll take you wherever you want… Or as you’d say, wherever the road takes us.” 

Jihyo hums at the suggestion and Jeongyeon has to tear her gaze away from her because she’s pulling the car onto the highway and maybe it’d be a good idea to take Jihyo’s road safety advice. 

“God I could listen to you talk all day.” There’s a low, reverberating tired crack to Jihyo’s voice that has Jeongyeon gripping the steering wheel a little tighter.

She’s delirious with sleep; must be. But Jeongyeon chuckles anyway and lets the comment saunter around her equally delirious mind. She has no idea what Jihyo really means by that and she’s almost too scared to ask. 

“Get some sleep Jihyo.” There’s only so much peaceful rest you can get in a speedy 50 minute car journey, but she’s suddenly scared that her heart might combust at the sight of Jihyo blinking slowly at her, trying to resist sleep.

“It’s too cold in here to sleep.” Jihyo’s whines remind her that now she has a very good reason to finally get this car’s heating system fixed. 

“Take my sweatshirt. It’s on the back seat.” 

Jihyo reaches back and Jeongyeon really should have both hands on the steering wheel at this speed but she thanks the invention of cruise control and rests a free hand on Jihyo’s back so that she doesn’t stumble all over the car. 

Jihyo huffs, pulls the sweatshirt over her head and finally rests her head back. 

“Looks good on you.” It’s meant to be a teasing comment but with the way Jihyo glances back up at her again with unwavering eyes, she isn’t sure whether the comment came out as humorously as she had intended. 

Jeongyeon drives a little slower because Jihyo is fast asleep in a matter of minutes and she doesn’t really want to shake her awake. It takes an hour to finally park up outside Jihyo’s apartment complex. She wonders whether Tzuyu and Nayeon are inside watching her drag home their best friend at such a ridiculous hour. 

“Jihyo. We’re home.” She shakes her shoulder and Jihyo sits forward with a start. 

“I fell asleep?” 

“Yep. Being in my presence clearly exhausted you.” She allows a playful smile because Jihyo looks so adorable right now even if her half asleep self is looking at her like she’s alien.

She doesn’t reply and Jeongyeon reaches over her to open the car door for her. She can feel Jihyo squirm a little underneath her at the sudden close proximity. Maybe half asleep Jihyo isn’t as steely as she’d ought to be. 

Jihyo looks at her with confused eyes, like she’s trying to figure her out and maybe it has something to do with the fact that tonight has been so easy. 

It feels like they could actually be friends. Good friends. 

“Thanks for the doughnut and milkshake.” Jeongyeon can feel the ghost of Jihyo’s touch on her lips, tingle and dissipate. She licks her lips, suddenly dry at the thought and Jihyo watches. 

“You owe me.” It’s teasing again, but Jihyo’s voice tapers off at the end and Jeongyeon isn’t sure whether she owes her another milkshake and doughnut or something else entirely. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” 

There’s a beat of silence. 

“Goodnight Jeongyeon.” Jihyo doesn’t look back as she steps out and closes the door behind her. Maybe it’s all a little too comfortable watching her walk away from the car with her stolen sweatshirt still on. 

+

“You’re making this a bit of a habit aren’t you?” Jeongyeon tucks the phone between her ear and shoulder as the chore of wiping down the dining table occupies her hands.

“Making what a habit?” 

“Calling me at 2 in the morning.”

“I’ve called you at 2 in the morning a total of 4 times.” She can practically hear Jihyo rolling her eyes through the phone. 

“Oh so you’re keeping count are you?” Jeongyeon chuckles and moves to hold her phone with her free hand now that she’s tidied everything away. 

“Are you trying to tell me you don’t recall the 4 times I’ve called you in the middle of the night to talk about absolutely nothing?” A bubble erupts from Jihyo’s end and Jeongyeon joins in. 

“Of course I remember. How could I forget you crying over every single episode of that drama you still persist on watching?”

“You know I only talk to you about it because you’re damn sister acts in it!” Jihyo’s voice pierces through the phone and Jeongyeon has to remove it from her ear a little with the sheer volume of it. 

Jeongyeon allows for a breathy laugh. For a second she worries that Jihyo will say she sounds like a dying seal again but all she hears on the other end is soft chuckles and a tired sigh. 

“You’re still getting me that autograph by the way.” Jihyo jests. 

Jeongyeon falls back into the couch with a content smile and phone still tucked next to her ear. 

“So you’ll take my sister’s autograph but not mine?”

“I don’t need your autograph.” Jihyo’s voice drips wistfully down the connection and Jeongyeon knows that this is another one of her attempts to ever so ceremoniously wind her up. 

“And why not? Don’t tell me you’re shy, oh you should have asked, I promise it’s not a bother!” Jeongyeon allows for a mischievous cackle and hopes Jihyo has a lot to say about whatever episode she wants to discuss today because for some reason, it’s Jeongyeon that’s made a habit out of keeping her on the phone for most of the night; even if the realisation only runs up her spine now. 

“You wish. I’d take Nayeon’s autograph over yours any day and that’s saying a lot.”

“But Nayeon would take my autograph over yours and that’s the funniest part of it all.”

“Well you say that but Nayeon feels a little strange listening to you sing about falling in love now that she’s watched you eat pizza like a starved rat.” 

Jeongyeon sends a dramatic sigh through the phone and listens as Jihyo cackles in response. 

“I do not eat pizza like a starved rat.” 

“You kinda do.” Jihyo’s voice crackles a little over the connection but the amusement in her tone seeps down the line in a way that drowns Jeongyeon’s heart in something warm. Jeongyeon thinks it’s something akin to endearment.

“I do not.” 

“Ok fine. A cute starved rat.”

“Next time you’re paying for pizzas.” Jeongyeon amusedly cuts off the girl.

“Next time I won't be ordering any garlic bread.”

“Okay, maybe if you start giving your daily drama review already, I’ll rethink that judgement.”

And Jihyo seems to forget all about the threats. Jeongyeon lets herself smile softly because Jihyo can't see her now. “Okay so can we just talk about how much of a cliffhanger they left us on?”

Jeongyeon finds it strange; that she’s managed to meet this random girl by chance one night and suddenly they’re here, sitting on the phone to each other at 2 in the morning. If she’s being really honest with herself, she’d admit that it’s because she hasn’t let anybody else know her the way Sana and Chaeyoung know her. 

And if she’s being even more honest with herself, she’d admit that it was too easy to let Jihyo in. 

“Go ahead.” 

“Do you not have anything to say about how despicable it is that they leave us hanging like that after every episode?”

“Oh trust me I have a lot to say but I’d rather listen to you.” 

She’d admit that it terrifies her. 

+

“Where are we going?” 

Jeongyeon turns around as Jihyo voices a question behind her and the journey through the company building doesn’t usually feel this long but maybe it’s the excruciating anxiety running through her bones at the thought of Jihyo actually watching her work. 

“Recording studio.” 

“When did you say the new album will be out?” Jihyo’s voice is distracted and even though Jeongyeon doesn’t spare her a glance, she can tell that the girl is looking on wonderous at all the walls and awards cabinets decorating the hallway. 

“Few weeks.” It’s actually being released in precisely 2 months but she could gush on all day about which are her favourite records so far and the thought of showing Jihyo her scribbled down lyrics and thoughts haunts her a little. 

They pass a few staff who greet them and Jeongyeon hates how everyone thinks she’s oblivious to their wide eyes when they spot Jihyo trailing behind her. Is it so difficult to imagine her committed? 

“Can I ask why you’re here?” Jeongyeon thinks that maybe now would be an acceptable time to turn around slightly and actually make eye contact. 

The small smile on Jihyo’s lips is slightly unsettling and if it wasn’t for the fact that they’re supposed to look like something a lot more than just strangers, Jeongyeon wouldn’t be standing so close to her. 

“Figured you could do with a snack break.” She holds up a bag of doughnuts and milkshakes and Jeongyeon thinks that it’s absolutely silly that she’s avoided making eye contact with Jihyo to the point that she hadn’t even noticed this. 

“Oh.” She comes to halt in the middle of the corridor and Jihyo turns to face her with an innocent smile. “You didn’t have to do that.” 

“It’s no big deal. Sana texted me… Something about you training all morning and I’ve been meaning to return this to you anyway.” Jihyo holds out Jeongyeon’s red sweatshirt with her other hand, matching the colour on her cheeks. 

“Thank you.” And her shoes are suddenly so interesting because even if she can feel Jihyo’s eyes burning into her head, now she’s thinking about maybe swapping these white laces out for black ones. 

Or maybe about how she should take Jihyo out on another outing just so she can lend her that sweatshirt again. 

“So is this the room?” Jihyo points behind her to a recording studio with a placard pinned onto the front of it, Jeongyeon’s name underlined in red. 

“Oh yeah. Sorry, let me take that from you.” Jeongyeon reaches out to take the milkshakes from her and desperately ignores the way Jihyo’s touch burns against her hand when their fingers ever so slightly gash against each other. 

“So this is the set up huh?” It feels foreign having someone in the recording studio other than herself and the company producer. But she doesn’t mind and a stilling sense of calm sweeps over her. 

“Yup. This is where the magic happens.” The milkshakes and doughnuts are discarded on the coffee table in the centre of the room and it’s almost instinct for Jeongyeon to awkwardly stick her hands in her pockets. It’s almost like letting someone into her head and even if the thought makes her feel a little queasy, Jihyo feels like a breath of fresh air in a room so suffocating. 

Jihyo runs her hand carefully across all the buttons and switches. 

“I’ll pay you back for the food. What’s your-” 

“No. No, it’s okay. It’s on me. My treat.” Jihyo whips back around to face her with a delicate smile, like she’s cautious of crossing the line with her into uncharted friendly territory.

Jeongyeon nods and walks over to the sofa placed on the edge of the room. She looks at Jihyo with an expectant glance, as if to invite her over and Jihyo shyly sits next to her. Their legs knock against each other and Jeongyeon has no idea how she’s supposed to concentrate with her mind a mess like this. 

Sometimes, when they’re awkwardly offering each other pleasantries and half smiles that speak nothing but uncertainties, Jeongyeon wonders how this is the same girl that rambles on the phone to her for hours about how awkward the kissing scenes are in dramas - about how she could do it a hundred times better and jokingly offers Jeongyeon a chance to prove it. 

Jeongyeon thinks it’s because the reality of it all is a little too real when they’re standing together inside the very building that has them legally compelled to be a lot more than those uncertainties and unsure smiles. 

And it’s that smirk, that drains all those questions away. That smirk that Jeongyeon can’t help staring at. She teasingly rolls her eyes. “What?” 

“Nothing.” Jihyo isn’t a very good actor despite her prior claims. 

“Yeah that’s not very convincing.” Jeongyeon snorts and leans a little more into the sofa, relaxing under Jihyo’s playful gaze. 

Jihyo draws a glance around the room, and then back to her. “You just look very professional here, in the studio I mean. It suits you.” 

“Me working... suits me?” Jeongyeon raises her eyebrows surprised. 

“You just look… cool.” A sheepish smile overcomes Jihyo and Jeongyeon watches on, almost in awe at the rare sight. 

“I look cool? Have you eaten something spoilt on your way here?” The incredulity seeps through the raise in her voice and Jihyo immediately moving to hit her shoulder lightens her heart a little.

“I will not attempt to compliment you again.” Jihyo crosses her arms, offers Jeongyeon a side eye that has her laugh echoing across the room and then falling flat against the sound proof walls. 

“That was your attempt at a compliment?” Jeongyeon lets out another incredulous chuckle and then leans in a little closer when Jihyo pouts ever so slightly. Jeongyeon lets her laughs level out. “I appreciate it Jihyo. Although I look cool most of the time.” 

“Okay I don’t know about that now…”

“Well you didn’t have many complaints wearing my very stylish red sweatshirt.” 

Jihyo stares at her for a second and Jeongyeon worries she’s said something wrong. 

And then: “I think that sweatshirt looked better on me though.” Mischief drips from her lips and Jeongyeon can’t help but stare. 

“You think?” 

“ _You_ seemed to think so.” Jihyo’s smirk returns and suddenly it feels all too homely. Like she was waiting for it to return because it’s the one constant that feels normal between them. 

“What?” 

“In the car - when you were dropping me home. You said it looked good on me. Do you not remember?” The younger girl tilts her head in question. 

“I remember. I’m surprised you recall that though considering how tired you were.”

“How could I forget a compliment from critically acclaimed fashion model Yoo Jeongyeon?”

“Shut up.” Jeongyeon tries to cover up her blush by letting her hair fall a little on her face and now it’s Jihyo’s turn to laugh. 

Jihyo lets her have her embarrassed moment and then leans down to the bag below their feet. “Anyway, I wasn’t sure whether I completely won you over with my strawberry milkshake last time so I got you chocolate.” Jihyo hands her the drink with a chuckle. 

“Maybe you did win me over a little.” Jeongyeon lets out an embarrassed laugh because she’s taking the milkshake in a rush anyway and comically rolling her eyes when she takes her first slurp. 

“Really?” There’s a lopsided smile on Jihyo’s face that makes the place feel comfy and they fall back into routine again. It happens so fast, it’s almost like they never left that diner. 

“Did I not win you over with the chocolate milkshake then?” 

“It was good I must say. But I’ll always be a strawberry milkshake enthusiast I think.” 

Jeongyeon takes a bite out of one of the doughnuts and she can feel the sugar reside on her lips. For a second, her heart jumps because she thinks she feels Jihyo’s hand flicker over her face. But Jihyo doesn’t move and Jeongyeon licks her lips instead so that she can speak again. “Yeah?” 

Jihyo hums, watches the action with a distracted gaze that makes Jeongyeon almost wish there was a little more sugar on the doughnut - just so Jihyo would have no choice but to reach out again.

“I know what I like.” The words fall hoarse out of Jihyo’s throat and Jeongyeon doesn’t have to glance at the clock to know that they’re looking at each other for far too long. 

And if there are a million different feelings Jeongyeon hasn’t felt yet, it feels like she’s almost there - mountains of unwritten lyrics and unthought emotions rupturing at the seams of the sofa underneath them.

“Yeah?” Jeongyeon is dazed, struggles to get anything else out but that one syllable. Because even if all Jihyo feels like is a friendly force pulling her back together, all she knows how to respond is to stare.

“Yeah.” Jihyo takes a sip of her milkshake and the action reminds Jeongyeon that they’re not real. None of this is real.

“So maybe you’ll be a good judge of music. Want to hear some of my new stuff?” Jeongyeon gets up. Fast. And moves to the leather desk chair in front of the board of switches and buttons. 

It seems to shock Jihyo out of her stupor. “Me?” 

“Yeah. Exclusive listening just for you. How does that sound? The perks of dating me huh?” The intro of one of her new tracks begins to play and the deep bass drowns out the incredulous laugh she can see bubbling in Jihyo’s chest. 

“Fake dating.” Jihyo reminds her with that same glint in her eye. 

“Just listen to the song Jihyo.” She rolls her eyes, shouts over the music and Jihyo is staring at her with the same wild smile she gave her when they ran away from that party. 

This song is one of her faster ones, and even if Jihyo’s taste gravitates towards her slower tunes, the room bares witness to her bobbing head, tapping foot and shaken realisation that Jeongyeon has a talent that amazes her so vigorously all Jihyo can do is stare too. 

Jeongyeon watches the motions flash through Jihyo’s face and then: “Get up.”

“What?”

“I didn’t get the chance to ask you to dance at that party. So this is me asking now.” Jihyo stands over her with a hand out for her to take. All she’s asking her to do is dance, but the held out hand suddenly feels like an official invitation to do this together - to get through this agreement as something a little more than acquaintances; friends maybe. Jeongyeon supposes thats what they already are if they're calling each other at ungodly hours most nights. 

She takes it. It’s all so maddening; the way Jihyo giggles and pulls her hand to drag her further into the middle of the room. 

Jeongyeon is only 23 but she’s felt this age since she was 18, constantly the subject of millions of prying eyes that know nothing about her; that think they know her. And yet Jihyo’s eyes on her feel warm - welcomed even; and she feels like a soul that Jeongyeon has known a lifetime. 

It’s dizzying. The music is so loud and even if the room is supposed to be soundproof, she’s sure whoever is walking around outside will hear the blistering beat and echoes of their dazed chuckles. 

Jihyo is everywhere, hands delicately and carefully crawling up her arms. 

It’s so ridiculous. It’s just the two of them dancing and it looks _so_ ridiculous but Jeongyeon couldn’t care less; not when she’s twirling Jihyo around and she can hear her laughing even over the blearing music. 

She wants to be the one to make her laugh a million times over. 

Jihyo backs up into Jeongyeon’s chest, and she must be able to feel her raging heart. They’re both completely sober and laughing like idiots alone in this room and Jeongyeon lets Jihyo reach back to tug on her shirt, then lean back further to say something into her ear. Jeongyeon instinctually lets her hands fall to the girls waist. 

“I like it.” 

Maybe it’s the overwhelming bass blasting from the speakers or the look of utter confusion on her face but Jihyo laughs and moves back again, speaking even closer to her ear. “The song.” Jihyo urges. “I love it.” 

Jeongyeon’s efforts to conceal her shy smile don’t really work and it’s made all the more unbearable by the realisation that Sana is standing by the door with a playful smile and eyes that say she’s witnessed the whole thing. 

“How are my favourite couple doing today?” 

They fall away from each other. 

“What do you want, Sana?” Jeongyeon deadpans because she knows very well that Sana is up to no good. 

“Oh nothing. Just wanted to check if Jihyo made it here in one piece. She was adamant on coming to see you.” Sana leans against the door with a giggle. 

Jihyo snorts and Jeongyeon takes the conversation as her cue to turn the music off all together. “You were busy so I said I’d make my own way up to meet her. I don’t know if I’d call that adamant.”

Jeongyeon doesn’t understand why the comment stings a little. 

She can feel two pairs of eyes on her as she flicks at the switches in front of her and now she just wants to be left alone again. She has work to do and maybe Jihyo gave her a few minutes of rest bite, but she’s technically on the job now and there are countless deadlines coming up. 

Reality comes crashing down on her so tremendously that it almost winds her. In fact, it does; her next breath comes out a little laboured, shaky. And it must be noticeable because she brings a hand up to her chest and cradles the base of her neck absentmindedly. She doesn’t have time for this. 

“Thanks for the food Jihyo.” She doesn’t bother glancing up at the pair and it’s almost as if the atmosphere has physically shattered around them. 

“You want me to go?” There’s an unbearably sad tinge to her voice that makes Jeongyeon glance up again. 

Jeongyeon doesn’t want her to go but having Jihyo here feels too much now - like she’s strolling around the inside of her head and admiring the broken pieces of her and Jeongyeon is scared that Jihyo will realise she’s not worth putting back together. 

It’s almost like Jihyo can see right through her because she’s looking at her with soft eyes that pinch at her heartstrings a little too hard and Jeongyeon doesn’t need saving. Jeongyeon doesn’t want anyone to look at her and realise that she’s broken by a job she’s supposed to love and she doesn’t want anyone to try and sew her old self back into one piece. 

Jeongyeon thinks it’s exhilarating, being able to have control over something that has the potential to kill you, like when she’s driving 80 mph down the highway. But Jihyo makes her feel so out of control. So much so that she can almost see herself careening towards a pool of hurt already. 

She doesn’t answer and Sana strolls further into the room instead to ease the tension. “We’re having dinner at Jeongyeon’s place tonight. Why don’t you join us?” Sana knows her well, can read her like a book and knows whats good for her. So Jeongyeon lets her bring up the suggestion without complaint.

Jihyo glances away to look at Sana (who is glaring cautiously at Jeongyeon) and nods slowly. Sana has always been the calming voice between them, the one to mediate the sudden tensions and bring her back down to earth. She trusts Sana to do just that now.

“Oh, are you sure?” Jihyo looks up at her again and she can’t exactly say no now. 

“Of course. Why don’t you bring Nayeon and Tzuyu too?” It pains Jeongyeon too much to say no to Jihyo. And it’s unnerving to think that she’s been feeling this way a lot recently. 

“Sounds like a plan.” 

“I’ll text you my address.” Jeongyeon nods with a tight smile. Jihyo observes her carefully and Jeongyeon almost shrinks in on herself.

There’s a moment of awkward silence and then Jihyo nods a goodbye, turning around with a pat of her pockets to check that her phone is still there and leaving the door behind her. “Put that song in the album, Jeongyeon” Jihyo speaks through the crack in the door with delicate eyes and then disappears. 

Jeongyeon lets out a breath, turns around to the desk in front of her and opens her notebook out to the list of potential songs she has written down. She draws a tick and hopes the company thinks as highly of the song as Jihyo does. It’s not likely but she hopes anyway. 

“Are you alright?” Sana teaters behind her with a careful comforting hand on her shoulder. 

“I’m fine.” 

“I’m sorry for just barging in here. I think I’ve made a habit of just walking into whatever room you’re in without warning and I should’ve known Jihyo was in here.” 

“It’s okay, I don’t mind. What does it matter that Jihyo was in here anyway?” She flips the comment behind her nonchalantly, continues writing in her notebook and Sana removes the hand from her shoulder. 

“Was I reading the situation wrong?” Sana questions incredulously, as if she didn’t just walk into Jeongyeon twirling the girl around and Jihyo whispering into her ear. 

Jeongyeon finally stands up straight, her back to Sana and drops the pen. “What situation?” 

“It’s okay, you know. If you like her.” The room is so quiet now compared to 5 minutes ago and Sana’s voice rings a little too loudly in her ears. 

Jeongyeon turns around and Sana is too close, she’s afraid her best friend will be able to read the truth on her face. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Jeong… I just want to see you happy. It’s totally okay if-” 

“I don’t. We’re barely even friends.” 

Sana snorts. “Well you’re also the furthest thing from strangers judging by that little dancing session. What is this, year 11 prom?” 

The joke plummets in the shattered air between them and almost cracks open the unspoken truths. “Can we just drop it?” 

Another silence. 

Another apology teeters on the tip of Sana's tongue, Jeongyeon can tell. “You deserve it you know. Someone to come home to. Someone to share these little moments with. Someone to write songs for. You deserve all of it and the world along with it.” Sana’s eyes are so immensely sad and Jeongyeon just wants to cry; because she doesn’t think she deserves that. Any of it. 

A sigh leaves her mouth and jumps around the room and really she’s exhausted. She’s overworked and admits that maybe she so desperately just needs someone to hug the pieces of herself back together; someone to tell her that everything is okay. It’s something she knows she’s been denying herself, because does she deserve it? She doesn’t want the pity, doesn’t think she deserves that even if she wanted it and Jihyo looks at her like she wants to hug her a lot of the time. Jeongyeon doesn’t know if that’s a good thing.

Sana takes the rest of the day off just to sit in the studio with her and Jeongyeon knows it’s because Sana can read her so well; knows that being alone is the last thing she needs. 

Sana lays across the sofa, bare feet against the wall and phone in hand and Jeongyeon sits at the desk with headphones glued to her head. Jeongyeon wishes she had let Jihyo stay, just so she could have shown her the rest of her songs - ask her which one of these is her favourite. 

But she let her head get the best of her and now she’s got a lot of admitting to do with herself. 

+

“How did you not get caught?” Nayeon cackles from across the table and the deep red on Jeongyeon’s cheeks almost feels like it might set the table ablaze. 

“Pure luck. Jeongyeon doesn’t have a single discreet bone in her body.” Chaeyoung comments from beside her and of course they’re all relishing in her misery. 

Sana snorts and points a fork at Chaeyoung. “It didn’t take much skill or luck to climb through the dorm windows, I wouldn’t even give Jeongyeon _that_ much credit.” 

Jihyo seems to be listening intently to their embarrassing trainee stories because she’s been smiling affectionately at all of them for the past 15 minutes without a word and it’s a wonder she hasn’t joined in with the public humiliation. 

“I was going to say that I wouldn’t have pinned Jeongyeon as the rebellious type but then I remembered the whole fake dating fiasco we have going on here.” Tzuyu chuckles with knowing eyes.

The table erupts into soft laughs and at least now Jeongyeon isn’t the only one blushing. 

“Well I guess it’s a good thing Jeongyeon isn’t discreet in this situation- Makes the whole dating thing more believable.” Dahyun takes a bite out of her food and then looks up to assess the reaction to her comment. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jeongyeon feels out of the loop and the knowing smiles everyone seems to share makes the feeling all the more overwhelming. 

“Nothing.” Dahyun is quick to quip but Momo certainly feels like rubbing it all in a little more. 

“Oh yeah they were all over each other at that party.” 

Jihyo squeals a little in surprise at the statement and then bursts into incredulous laughter - completely different to how Jeongyeon feels compelled to react.

“Last time I checked, you get paid to be my bodyguard. Maybe try to protect my reputation while you’re at it?” Jeongyeon laughs and tries to make light of the situation because even though she knows her friends mean no harm, it alarms her to think that it’s not just Jihyo who bares witness to her flustered antics. 

They haven’t mentioned the party that they met at once since this whole thing began and she thinks that mentioning it now will tear open a reality that could blow this agreement to pieces. So she gets up, offers to take everyone’s plates to the kitchen with a light chuckle and ignores Sana’s questioning eyes. She doesn’t even bother to spare Jihyo a glance either because the table is still laughing mildly at Momo’s comment and she knows Jihyo will bare a look that’s all too much to deal with. 

“You okay?” She almost drops the plates in the dishwasher and suddenly Jihyo is beside her with a plate in hand anyway. 

“Yeah. Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” They pass the dishes between the sink to the dishwasher in silence. 

“No reason.” The quiet eats at Jihyo’s words and Jeongyeon finally closes up the rmachine, turns to her with an expectant look. “You have a nice place here by the way.” 

“Thanks. I designed it all with my sister.” Jeongyeon really had no hand in the design aspect, but she’ll take her credit for it in the form of her choice of artwork and furniture. 

“The view of the city from the front road is amazing. The perks of living on an inclined street right?” Jeongyeon quickly glances at Jihyo’s hand wrapped tightly around the kitchen countertop edge; knuckles white. 

Jeongyeon hums in agreement with a slight smile. “Can I show you something?” 

Jihyo nods and Jeongyeon leads her towards her bedroom. She knows Jihyo is glancing at all the pictures scattered across her shelves but Jeongyeon is at least thankful that she cleaned up before everyone arrived. 

“What exactly have you brought me to your bedroom for?” Jihyo quirks her eyebrows playfully and the room suddenly feels like it reveals too much; like Jihyo is stepping into an explosion of her life in the form of framed pictures, concert tickets and mementos stuck to her walls and instruments perched in the free spaces. 

Jeongyeon rolls her eyes before turning towards the windows. She opens them out wide. “Now. This is a view.” 

Outside the window, the city opens up before them and Jihyo gapes at the sight. 

“You get to go to sleep to this view every night?” 

“When I’m not in the recording studio, yeah.” 

Jeongyeon lifts a leg up and climbs through the window onto the roof. Once she’s sure she’s not going to slip down the tiles to her death, she holds out a hand for Jihyo to take. 

Jihyo’s grasp is tight and she doesn’t let go even when she has managed to climb through and sit down. They both chuckle as they struggle to situate themselves comfortably. Jeongyeon leans back, hands behind her and Jihyo. 

“I think I’d consider you a friend now.” Jihyo looks ahead as she speaks and Jeongyeon is thankful for a break in her constant unwavering gaze. 

“A friend?” 

“Well, you wouldn’t go on midnight roadtrips with a stranger. Or share your music with someone you dislike. Or spend time on a rooftop with someone you find boring. Am I right?” 

And Jihyo is right. She wouldn’t go on a midnight drive with a stranger or share music with her enemy or sit impossibly close like this with someone who doesn’t set her mind ablaze. 

“Right.” Jeongyeon wants to say more but it always feels like her brain is holding her back from what her heart really wants to say. It’s always been this way. Maybe that’s why she finds it so easy to write her thoughts into songs instead. 

Jihyo turns to look at her and Jeongyeon shuts her parted mouth because she has no idea what she wants to say and she’s scared that maybe something will slip out that she doesn’t intend on airing. But Jihyo waits patiently, as if she can hear her thinking. 

“I consider you a friend too.” It’s not much. But it’s an admission that Jihyo holds a place in her life now that can’t just be written over and maybe that’s why the words feel bulky and dry in her mouth. 

Jihyo smiles and turns back to look out onto the jungle of lights and noise. “Do you remember the conversation we had the first night we met?” 

Jeongyeon can’t forget but she doesn’t really want to admit that. “Which conversation?” 

“The conversation we had before… you know.” She’s referring to the kiss and they both know it. 

“When I told you that I’ve never properly been in love with someone?” 

Jihyo’s eyes widen a little as if she’s stunned that Jeongyeon can actually remember. And maybe it’s because they’ve both convinced themselves that the other doesn’t think much about what happened that night. 

“That one.” Jihyo nods.

“What about it?” 

“Nothing. I just wanted to see if you remembered.” 

“Why?” Jeongyeon feels like she’s turning into a parrot or something because she’s not managing to get many workable words out of her mouth and she’s starting to worry that maybe Jihyo is annoyed by it - by the fact that she constantly has to guide Jeongyeon’s mouth to form the words she actually wants to say. Jeongyeon hates it; hates that she can never for the life of her get the words out of her mouth and maybe this will always be her downfall. It has been in the past and maybe it’ll drive Jihyo away too; like it has done with everyone else. 

“I just find it hard to believe that someone with a heart like yours hasn’t…” Jihyo trails off as if thinking that maybe this conversation isn’t fit for two people that have only just adopted the ‘friend’ label. 

“A heart like mine?” 

Jihyo sighs softly and shifts a little closer to her. Jeongyeon looks back down as their arms now graze against each other. “Sorry. It’s nothing.” 

Jeongyeon shifts even closer so now their shoulders are knocking against each other. “Jihyo. I’m listening.” 

Jihyo visibly swallows and Jeongyeon is starting to think that the few glasses of wine they’ve all shared is starting to take its toll. 

“I told you that you were poetic. Remember?” Jeongyeon nods. “But it’s so obvious through your words and your music that you feel so much... all the time.” Jihyo’s voice is a mere whisper at the end and Jeongyeon thinks that if it’s that obvious, then the whole country can probably hear her tired heart too anyway. 

There’s a knot in Jeongyeon's chest that travels up into her throat. She hums. “Maybe that’s the case. But that’s not necessarily a good thing.” The admission draws both of their gazes to the space between them rather than the gorgeous light show of a city in front of them. 

“I think it’s a beautiful thing.” Jihyo states breathlessly. Jeongyeon lets the words roll around her head. 

“Not when the world isn’t a very kind place. And the world isn’t. A kind place, I mean.” 

“No, it’s not.” Jihyo’s eyes remain on her like her life depends on it and it’s probably because she has her all figured out. “But you deserve someone who makes the world a softer place for you anyway.” 

“I don’t deserve that.” Jeongyeon turns to look ahead of her, gaze darting between the skyscrapers and then to Jihyo's shoes edging closer to hers.

“You do.” Jihyo sounds so sure of herself and Jeongyeon is stunned for a second, and then all she can think to do is laugh. 

“I don’t.” The words fall out of her mouth coldly. “But I appreciate the sentiment anyway.” The smile on her lips is painful and she’s scared Jihyo will recognise it. 

They sit like that for a while, wrapt in a silence that neither of them seems to mind. Ambulance or police or fire engine sirens, Jeongyeon isn’t sure which one, whistle through the air and they both take a second to pinpoint the flashing lights on a particular street across the river. 

Jeongyeon watches the red and blue light swerve between the streets hidden by the skyscrapers ahead of them and pretends she doesn’t feel Jihyo staring at her again.

“I don’t think you realise how easy it is to love you.” Jihyo’s voice is nothing but a strained murmur and the comment shocks Jeongyeon so vigorously that she spins her head back to the short haired girl next to her with wide eyes. 

“What?” 

“I don’t know how you don’t notice. Sana dotes on you like she knows you inside out and Chaeyoung very clearly looks up to you like you could do no wrong.” Jihyo looks incredulously at her, almost disbelieving that she could be so oblivious and yet there's a delicate, tender smile on her face that Jeongyeon can’t stop staring at.

“I’ve known them since I was 12. We’re best friends, of course they care about me.” 

“I see it on everyone else’s faces too. Momo and Dahyun act like they’d walk in front of a train for you. And Nayeon and Tzuyu don’t tend to get close to many people and yet they act like they’ve known you their whole life.” Jihyo is looking at her so intensely, it claws at her heart. Then Jihyo whispers, “it’s so easy with you.” 

Jeongyeon so desperately wants to ask if Jihyo recognises it on her own face too when she looks in the mirror but it’s too much all at once. 

They’re close now and this all feels too familiar; like they’re sitting with their backs against a dingy building, street lamps disturbed by fluttering moths and party infused makeup glittering in the moonlight. 

Jihyo’s breath fans against her face and her eyes dip to her lips. Jeongyeon questions whether they’re still the strangers that just ran away from a raging party or if they really are sitting on the rooftop of her house with steady beating hearts and quiet admissions of friendship.

She wants to hear it again. Jeongyeon wants for Jihyo to tell her how easy it is to love her all over again. But it comes out as a “Why?” 

“Why what?” 

“Why do you want anything to do with me? Why do you care about me at all? I dragged you into this massive mess and…” 

“It’s hard not to care about you Jeongyeon.” 

The wind rings in her ears and Jihyo is so gorgeous like this; looking up at her with glistening eyes and moonlit skin and parted lips. 

Jihyo reaches up and she’s about to run a thumb over her bottom lip, even without the sugar there; but a voice rings through the open window behind them. “Can you two lovebirds come in. We’re playing cluedo!” It’s Tzuyu with a leg inside Jeongyeon’s room and a teasing smile on her face; And Jihyo retracts the hand like lightning. 

Jeongyeon promises Jihyo that she’ll show her this view another time and Jihyo responds with an “I’d like that.” It’s another assurance to add to the list of promises she’s made over the last few weeks that will ultimately keep her up at night. 

Jihyo maintains an unshakable grasp on her shoulder as she helps her back in through the window and they both ignore the chasing eyes and mischievous smiles when they finally sit down in the circle on the floor. 

“What were you two doing out there? We’ve played two rounds of go fish waiting for you.” Dahyun distributes the cards and sets up the board. Tzuyu and Momo argue about who gets to be Mr. Plum. 

“Nothing.” Jeongyeon is quick to answer and Sana nudges her shoulder from beside her teasingly.

Jihyo spends the game sending everyone (especially Jeongyeon) suspicious eyes, cluedo board and notes of potential suspects scattered across the floor. 

And when Nayeon accuses Chaeyoung of peaking at her cards, Jeongyeon mouths to Jihyo from across the circle that it’s _Scarlet in the ballroom with the dagger_. 

+

Jeongyeon likes this weather, even if Sana is a very adamant summer enthusiast. She likes falling asleep to the sound of rain and wind knocking on her bedroom window. She likes lighting a few candles around the place just to get that autumn feel. She likes early dark nights that give her a little more inspiration in the studio. 

But tonight is particularly bad and she’ll admit that maybe at times like this, when it’s been raining for the fifth day straight, she misses wandering down the river on an impromptu hike with Chaeyoung as the younger girl talks about whatever life lesson she’s seemingly learnt that day. 

It’s 10pm when she hears the first clap of thunder and gives Sana a call to check up on her. 

“I’m fine Jeong, thanks for calling. Thank god I’m staying over at Momo’s tonight or you might have received a desperate call from me begging you to come over.”

“Well you wouldn’t have to beg but tell Momo I say thanks for taking you off my hands.”

“Hey. I’m not that much of a chore.”

“Well…”

Jeongyeon can practically _hear_ sana roll her eyes.“Very funny.”

Three knocks pound through the apartment, so loud that Jeongyeon lets out a yelp and drops the phone on to the hard wooden floorboards. She watches the screen crack as it slides across the floor with a painful screech. 

The knocking comes again and Jeongyeon moves to take a knife from the kitchen drawer before picking up the phone from the ground and examining the chipped glass that falls into her palm. 

“Jeong? You okay? What’s that noise?”

Jeongyeon puts the phone back to her ear, with a few more centimeters of distance so that the cracked glass doesn’t manage to cut her. “There’s knocking at my door. That’s all.”

“Shall I call Dahyun? You have your security alarms tripped right?”

“Yeah, it’s okay. I’m just gonna check it out.” 

“Be careful. Actually, stay on the phone with me until you do.”

Jeongyeon hums a ‘sure’ and moves towards the front door, knife hidden behind her back. Just in case. 

She stops a few steps from the door, and taps into the security system on the wall. She trips the alarms, because she lied when Sana had asked a few seconds ago and Sana is usually always right. 

“Who’s there?” Her voice sounds a loss less threatening than she intends but when she gets no response, she finally checks the camera footage from the screen on her wall. 

Jihyo stands there, soaked through and shivering and looking a thousand times smaller than she usually does. 

Jeongyeon drops the knife onto the side table by the door and unlocks, opens the door and turns off the security alarms all in one movement. 

“Jihyo?” 

Jihyo looks up wide eyed, like she hadn’t expected Jeongyeon to be standing there despite standing outside of her front door. 

“Hi.” 

Jeongyeon is stumped. She moves the phone carefully back up to her ear. “Sana, it’s okay, just Jihyo. I’ll call you back.” 

Sana sighs in relief and then sends a sing-songy “Okayyy” through the phone that has Jeongyeon hanging up a split second later. 

“Come in.” Jeongyeon wraps a hand around Jihyo's arm, wet fabric drenching her skin. Jihyo lets her drag her inside the house, water pooling at her shoes. 

“God, I’m sorry I’m making a mess.”

“It’s fine. We need to get you out of these clothes.” Jeongyeon subconsciously tips her tongue along her lips in contemplation and moves to push Jihyo’s coat off her shoulders. 

“You need to buy me dinner first if you plan on getting me out of my clothes that easily.” Jihyo smirks. There it is. The comment makes Jeongyeon choke. 

“Sorry. I’m being a bit of a pain.” The smirk on Jihyo’s face is replaced by a sheepish smile and pink cheeks. 

Jeongyeon shakes her head in dispute. She doesn’t admit to Jihyo’s face that she’d never possibly think of her as a burden or anything of the sort. She won’t admit to Jihyo’s face that she’d shift mountains for her if she asked. 

“I’m just worried about you falling into _hypothermia_ in this state. Stay there, I’ll get you a change of clothes.” 

Jihyo nods quickly and Jeongyeon rushes off to her room. She chooses her favourite jogging bottoms, because they’re freshly washed and incredibly comfy and in the state Jihyo is in, maybe she needs something that feels a little like home. 

“Here. Dry joggers, shirt, socks. All that.” 

Jihyo takes the clothes from her carefully. “Thank you.” 

“The bathroom is down the hall and to the right. First door there with a weird crack in the middle of it. I blame that on Dahyun daring Momo to run full speed down the corridor one time.” Jeongyeon nods awkwardly. 

Jihyo chuckles, gazes down the hall and then directs a grateful glance back up at her. “I’m pretty sure I remember that from the last time I was here. Got it.” 

Jeongyeon anxiously fixes the cushions on her sofa while she waits for Jihyo to return. She so desperately wonders what in the world has dragged Jihyo uptown, through 2 gated communities and finally up the monstrous hill that leads up to her house, at this time in the night.

Judging by her swollen eyes, Jeongyeon doesn’t think she’s hiked up here just to _hang out_ and she calculates quietly exactly how she should approach a suddenly non-smirking Jihyo. 

“Hey.” Jeongyeon jumps at the voice, turning around to see Jihyo holding a ball of wet clothes. 

“Let me wash and dry those for you.” Jeongyeon gets up in a rush, gently taking the clothes from Jihyo and throwing them in the washing machine. She clicks on whatever buttons her dad told her to when she first moved in here, and watches from the corner of her eye as Jihyo looks around the room; like she’s never been here before.

“I didn’t notice that before.” 

Jeongyeon waits for the washing machine to start humming, and then rounds the kitchen island to approach Jihyo’s delicate figure in the middle of the living room. 

“Notice what?” 

Jihyo glances at her, traipses a very unsubtle gaze down her face and then turns back to the painting on the wall in front of them.

“The painting. Was it here when we came here for dinner before?” The younger girl moves closer to examine it. 

“I don’t think so. Chaeyoung had it delivered maybe two weeks ago?”

“Chaeyoung?”

“Yeah she painted it. She’s setting up an exhibit actually. You’re more than welcome to come.”

Jihyo whips around to her with raised eyebrows and chocolate eyes that speak a delicate kind of hurt that Jeongyeon thinks she can maybe try to lighten a little with a soft touch. Jeongyeon traipses a gentle hand down Jihyo’s arm, now clothed in a dry, soft shirt.

“Really?” Jihyo looks down briefly at Jeongyeon’s lingering touch. 

“Chaeyoung would love for you to come. The more the merrier actually, bring Nayeon and Tzuyu too if they’re free.”

“What’s the exhibit for? Any particular reason?” Jihyo steps back, closer to her. 

“It’s to raise funds for the animal shelter.” Jeongyeon lets a proud smile grace her face. 

“Oh is that why she gave you the painting? I’d love to buy a painting off her actually.” Jihyo nods, leaning even closer.

“The painting was a gift for my upcoming album. But I donated something anyway. I'm sure Chaeyoung would love for you to buy one of her pieces.” 

Jihyo steps even closer to her, back crashing into her front lightly. “It’s beautiful.”

“Chae has a way with a paint brush.” Jeongyeon agrees. 

A clap of thunder rolls through the house, lightning setting alight to their shadows on the floor. Jihyo jumps, hand instinctively reaching around her arm. Jeongyeon chuckles. “Just a little thunder Ji.” 

The nickname falls from her mouth without her even noticing. 

“Ji?” Jihyo’s head teeters up to look at her. Jeongyeon only realises now that Jihyo is standing against her, rather than simply in front of her, and she worries Jihyo might achieve nothing but a crick in her neck looking up at her like that.

“What?” 

“You called me Ji.” 

Jeongyeon’s heart trips over itself. “Did I?” 

“Yeah.” Jihyo’s words feel lonely, spoken out into a suddenly quiet room. 

“Sorry. It just slipped out. I’ll make sure to call y-”

“No. I like it. Call me Ji. All my close friends call me Ji.” There’s a glint in her eyes now. That same glint that drives her crazy; that same glint that spells nothing but a maddening kind of danger and a thousand soft smiles that usually follow. _All her close friends call her Ji_.

Jeongyeon tries not to think too much about the implication that Jihyo maybe considers her a close friend. But she supposes she wouldn’t exactly be on the phone most nights at some ungodly hour ranting about absolutely nothing with someone she doesn't feel somewhat close to by now. Someone who knows her well. 

“My close friends call me Jeong.” 

“Yeah?” Jihyo tilts her head, as if to encourage her. 

“Call me Jeong.” 

“Okay.” Jihyo smiles, softly. Jeongyeon called it. Soft smiles and teasing smirks.

Another clap of thunder rings through, as if calling an end to the charged silence between them. Jeongyeon makes a little distance between them again, and Jihyo’s hand falls from her arm limply. 

“Fancy a movie?” The suggestion pops into her head and falls out of her mouth in the same instance.

“Sure.” 

“Make yourself comfy on the sofa. I have my favourite chocolate saved in the cupboard.” Jeongyeon smirks this time and she watches Jihyo take in the sight. 

Jeongyeon allows for an inch or two of distance between them when she eventually sits back down beside the girl on the sofa. They sit in relative silence for most of the movie, some kind of psychological thriller Jihyo had found on the trending page. 

The close proximity with Jihyo for some reason always has her on edge, like she’s scared Jihyo will hear her raging heart even when she doesn’t know the meaning of it herself. Jeongyeon thinks she’ll have to send herself to a chiropractor after this if the pain in her lower back has anything to do with it. 

Jihyo, ever observant, sits a little closer until eventually, she’s leaning into Jeongyeon fully with her head on her shoulder.

“Why are you sitting like you have a snake wriggling up your back?” Jihyo teases. 

“I’m sitting normally.” 

“Yeah right.” 

Jeongyeon gives in and slides down a little, planting her legs on the coffee table in front of them. Jihyo falls along with her, hands now wrapped around her left arm again. 

Jihyo uses her other hand to draw a touch up and down her arm. Jeongyeon feels like it’s burning through her skin; like Jihyo is leaving an indelible mark on her arm that’ll be a pain to cover up if it ever came to that.

It lingers. Dissipates. Lingers. Dissipates. And Jeongyeon can feel her breathing levelling out at the feeling. She can feel her body grow heavy, relax further into Jihyo so that Jihyo’s whole body is pressed against her side. It’s almost like she can feel all of Jihyo; the curves and dips of her figure. 

Jihyo’s head raises a little from her shoulder and Jeongyeon can feel her breath hit her neck.

“Are you not going to ask me why I’m here?” Jihyo whispers into her ear and the sensation draws Jeongyeon’s head instinctively further towards the girl breathing against her skin. Jeongyeon’s head nudges in reflex against Jihyo’s. She puts it down to her delirious state of mind. But the way the younger girl teeters her head up so that Jeongyeon is now pressing her nose into Jihyo’s neck, isn’t exactly convincing herself of that. 

She’s wide awake now; mind working a thousand miles a second. 

“Do you want me to?” She feels Jihyo’s breath get stuck in her throat as she whispers against the girl’s neck. 

“I don’t know. Aren’t you curious?” 

“Of course I’m curious. But I won’t ask if you don’t want me to.” Jeongyeon moves her head back so that she can take Jihyo’s expression in; eyelids hooded and lips parted.

“Ask me.” Jihyo’s voice cracks a little and then: “Is it weird? That I want to tell you everything? That I want you to know all the parts of me not many people get to see?” 

Jeongyeon tries not to let the surprise paint her face. But the admission sends a blush up her neck and she knows Jihyo has noticed. 

“No. I want to know everything about you.”

“Everything?” Jihyo licks her lips as she voices the question. Jeongyeon watches. 

“Why are you here?” Jeongyeon observes Jihyo nod at the question, drag her hand down to Jeongyeon’s wrist to wrap five digits carefully around tattooed skin. 

“It’s stupid really.” Jihyo shakes her head. 

“Nothing you say could possibly be stupid Ji.” 

A smile tugs on the corners of Jihyo’s mouth at the nickname. “My parents have never really let me do anything I wanted to do. It’s always been about the company. Never about me. And I hate them for it even though they’ve made this grand and gorgeous life for me. Selfish right?” 

Jihyo looks at her with a frown etched into her expression like she expects Jeongyeon to throw her out right there and then. 

“No. Not selfish.” 

The surprise on Jihyo’s face confuses Jeongyeon. How could she ever possibly think that doing something for herself is selfish? 

“No?”

“It’s not selfish to go after the things that you want. It’s your life, not theirs.”

Jihyo nods, like she’s just heard life assuring advice. “My parents don’t think very highly of you. It’s a shame for them that I’m finally going after what I actually want in life then. Hmm?” 

Jeongyeon isn’t sure she understands exactly why Jihyo is here. She guesses an argument of some kind with her parents had her running through the streets with her address pushed into google maps. But even so, Jeongyeon just wants Jihyo to say the words she really means. 

Jihyo stares. And then dips her head back down, laying it across Jeongyeon’s chest with tired breaths. Jeongyeon doesn’t push the matter anymore than that.  
Later that night, when Jeongyeon shows Jihyo to the guest bedroom, Jihyo shifts her habit of wrapping an arm around hers, to interlinking their fingers together in an all too delicate hand hold. 

“Why don’t your parents like me?”

The question stops Jihyo in her tracks, duvet covers strewn awkwardly back and pillows piled atop each other.

The room is dark save for the hallway light streaming into the room that casts Jeongyeon’s shadow against the wall. 

“They’ve never met you, so I doubt they actually dislike you.” Jihyo places the pillows back into their respective positions on the bed, ready for a very deep sleep. 

“You said they don’t think very highly of me.”

Jihyo sighs and looks back up again with a hesitant gaze, like she’s about to say what she wanted to an hour ago on the sofa. “They think you’re a bad influence.”

The admission shocks Jeongyeon for some reason. Even though she half expected it. “A bad influence?”

Jihyo lets out a cold chuckle and proceeds to sit on the edge of the bed. “I know right? It makes me sound like a teenager who still can’t leave the house past 9.” Jihyo pauses. “They think I’ve changed since I’ve met you.”

Jeongyeon moves closer so that she’s standing in front of the seated girl, legs knocking against Jihyo’s knees. “Have you changed?” 

“I’m not sure. I guess I’ve just realised certain things. They desperately want me to agree to cutting you off completely once this PR stunt ends.” Jihyo looks away, stroking awkward touches along the crinkled duvet. 

But they’re friends...  
Jeongyeon’s heart drops.

“They want you to cut me off?” Jeongyeon is very aware of how small her voice sounds. 

Jihyo nods. “They even put a contract in front of me this evening - tried to get me to agree on paper so that I can’t back out. They say any distraction is a detriment to my commitment to the company. And apparently you’re a very big distraction.” She whispers the last bit as if to stop Jeongyeon from hearing it. But Jeongyeon catches every word and syllable anyway and she swears she can feel her heart physically lodge itself in her throat. 

Jeongyeon works the words down her stomach, digests them as best she can without feeling like she’s about to throw up. Jeongyeon doesn’t let many people know her truly, and the one time she does let someone in, she has to let go just as painfully. She wants to storm up to the Park residence and throw their stupid contract in their face.

“Oh.”

“Everything about my life is just one big contract to them. But I’ve had enough. So I told them no; which is why I’m here.” Jihyo looks back up and Jeongyeon watches the motions pass through her expression. She’s not exactly sure what they mean, the flashes of emotions that pass through her eyes. She’s not sure she’s ready to know either. 

Jeongyeon doesn’t know what to say. And it has a lot to do with the shaken realisation that Jihyo has essentially chosen her over her parents. 

“Are you okay?” It’s all Jeongyeon can muster and it feels like a silly question to ask now that it’s out in the open. Of course Jihyo isn’t okay. She’s choosing something for herself and her parents are currently back at their family home potentially rethinking Jihyo’s future. 

“Now that I’m here… I’m more than okay.” Jihyo offers a shaky smile. 

Jeongyeon stands there awkwardly for a second, debating whether to walk out and give Jihyo her space or step impossibly closer to give Jihyo the hug she looks like she so desperately needs.

She chooses the former. And Jihyo squeaks a little in surprise when she dips down to wrap tight arms around her tiny figure. There’s a second of stillness and then Jihyo brings her arms around Jeongyeon too, clawing broken hearted fingers into her skin and unleashing nervous breaths against Jeongyeon’s neck. 

“I’m proud of you no matter what you choose.” Jeongyeon whispers delicately into her ear. 

Jihyo fails to bite back a tattered sob at the words and Jeongyeon leans them back so that they’re embracing atop of the bed rather than breaking her back standing in front of the girl. 

Jihyo lets it happen - lets Jeongyeon fall gracefully on top of her, lets Jeongyeon train away the broken tears with a soft hand and lets Jeongyeon see her the way not many people get the chance too. Jihyo breaks in her arms. Jeongyeon assumes years of masked emotions rupture between her fingers as she tucks Jihyo’s hair behind her ears. She feels a sudden weight in her chest at the thought that Jihyo trusts her to hold her together like this. Jihyo trusts her to push the broken pieces back together. 

Jeongyeon whispers a repeated promise that everything will be okay and draws a comforting touch up and down her back. It draws Jihyo to sleep shortly after and she doesn’t stir even when Jeongyeon unwraps herself from the younger girl and pulls the sheets over her body. 

Jeongyeon doesn’t sleep. Her mind races with questions. She wonders why Jihyo’s first thought was to run here, rather than the homely apartment she shares with her two best friends. She wonders how long Jihyo has kept this in for. She wonders why Jihyo chose her, of all people. 

[ **Nayeon <3**] **She’s with you isn’t she**.

The phone screen blinds her and she has to squint to figure out why the hell there are multiple heart emojis plastered next to Nayeon’s name. A roll of her eyes ensues. 

[ **Jeongyeon** ] **yeah. she‘s been knocked out asleep for a good few hours**

[ **Nayeon <3**] **Good, she needs the rest. I’ll pick her up in a bit. Thx Jeong, I mean it.**

Nayeon’s text and the sudden bird song outside her windows has Jeongyeon falling out the bed in a rush. How has she managed to stay awake until the crack of dawn? The house is blanketed in winter morning darkness and a horrible chill that has her rushing to the thermostat to warm the place up. 

“Hey.” 

Jeongyeon jumps and lets out a yelp. The hidden voice chuckles. Jeongyeon turns on a lamp and there Jihyo is sitting at the kitchen island with bed swept hair and a glass of water. 

“I’ve been awake for a while. I hope you don’t mind, I helped myself to some water.” Jihyo sheepishly chuckles. “I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Oh I’ve been awake for a while don’t worry.” Jeongyeon brings up a stool to sit opposite Jihyo. 

“I’m sorry for just barging in here last night. My heads a mess and Nayeon and Tzuyu were working late and everything was just-” 

“It’s no problem. You don’t have to explain. We’ve all been there.” Jeongyeon allows a stilted smile. 

They don’t talk about the previous night. 

They don’t talk about the almost confessions and broken admissions. They don’t talk about the desperate embrace that rocked Jihyo to sleep. They don’t talk about it at all. 

Instead Jihyo asks about her album and Jeongyeon lets her. Jeongyeon lets Jihyo take a step back. Jihyo cracks a joking insult about her scooby doo pyjamas and Jeongyeon laughs. 

Nayeon cracks the same joke when she arrives parked up outside on the curb and Jeongyeon laughs again. Jihyo frowns. 

They forget about it. Jihyo takes another step back and they forget about it. Jeongyeon watches her leave.

+

“We’re so fucked.”

“Glad to know you have faith in us.” Jihyo snorts and returns to reapplying her lipstick. 

Jeongyeon takes another sip of wine, closes her eyes and pulls herself down to reality. It’s fine. It can’t be that hard to fake a date. 

“You know it’s not that big of a deal. All we have to do is be ourselves.” Jihyo whispers. 

“It has to look natural.”

“And you think we can’t do that?” Jeongyeon finally glances up to find Jihyo with raised eyebrows and an amused smirk. 

“It’s a lot more difficult to convince people of something that’s not true when it’s right there in front of everyone to see. Videos will surface and they’ll analyse every ounce of behaviour. Do you realise that?” Jeongyeon just needs to remind Jihyo.

Jihyo looks stumped, like she hadn’t expected Jeongyeon to argue back. “I know. Just don’t think about it too much and we’ll be fine. I promise.” 

It’ll be a little hard to not think about it, but Jeongyeon supposes she can pretend for Jihyo if she needs to.

The waitress returns with their food and she tries her best to ignore the anxiety gnawing at her insides. They look like two friends having a friendly dinner, not a couple. And the cameras lined up outside and countless passing onlookers lingering around to see what the commotion is, has her wanting to throw up. 

“Jeong. I need you to calm down.” The nickname sends something lurching in her chest.

“I _am_ calm.”

Jihyo sends her a look that says she can see right through her. She lays her hand out across the table, palm up for Jeongyeon to take. Jeongyeon stares at it, and then entangles their fingers together and breathes. “Just talk to me like you usually would. That’s all you need to do and I promise we’ll have everyone convinced.” 

The implications behind it all has Jeongyeon thinking on speed, thoughts racing by before she can really comprehend them. Jihyo thinks that if they act like they usually do, everyone will be convinced? Doesn’t sound entirely too convincing. 

“Talk to me about that animal shelter charity event you’re organising. Tzuyu has leaflets for it plastered all over the fridge.” Jihyo sports a soft smile. A classic. Her thumb strokes delicate circles on her hand and Jeongyeon welcomes it. 

It’s only when the waitress collects their finished plates and glasses that Jeongyeon realises they’ve been holding hands like that for the entirety of dinner and not once has she glanced anywhere but at Jihyo.

The realisation shocks her - physically so. She tugs her hand away in reflex and Jihyo’s face falls. Everything shatters. Too real. It felt too real and Jeongyeon feels too much. She wants to bring up that night. She wants to ask Jihyo if she meant it when she said she would choose her. Because it’s become a startling awareness within her that she’d choose Jihyo. She’d choose Jihyo over and over and over if she had to. 

It crashes into her with a breathless impact. Jihyo looks beautiful tonight and Jeongyeon wants to be able to tell her that everyday. Two hours of looking nowhere else but Jihyo’s focussed, endearing eyes and Jeongyeon realises that any song she writes from here on out will have Jihyo’s name inscribed in invisible ink between every stitch of lyrics. 

Jihyo’s gaze falls to her lap, and then searches the room. Jeongyeon watches her. She’s not a fan of fancy dinners like this. The crystal chandeliers, gold trimmed tablecloths and overly dressed customers around the room always make her feel queasy. But Jeongyeon hasn’t let that thought cross her mind once since she sat down opposite Jihyo. 

She can tell it’s not just her that feels out of place either. Ever since Jeongyeon dropped their hands approximately 3 minutes ago Jihyo has been fidgeting, trying desperately to fix the slight single crease on her shoulder while glancing nervously around the room. The countless indiscrete couples staring at them certainly does not help either. 

They had forgotten where they were but now reality comes crawling back in with a tremendous anxious scratch to it. Jeongyeon wants to get them out of here and take Jihyo somewhere that’s more them.

“Let’s get out of here.” Jeongyeon throws the napkin onto the table and gets up with an outstretched hand. 

“What?” Jihyo looks up startled. 

“I said, let’s get out of here.” Jeongyeon repeats herself; watches the words roll around Jihyo’s mind. 

“Okay.” 

Jihyo takes her hand, squeezes it reassuringly and then entangles their fingers together again - almost like they should’ve never let go for those 5 minutes at the end of dinner. 

“Wait. The cheque!” Jihyo tugs on her hand. 

“I paid for it before we got here.” Jeongyeon allows a smirk, angles a single finger to point at her forehead. “Mind of a master.”

“I think you mean, _mastermind_. And what do you mean you paid already? How is that even possible? That was expensive as well, we said we were gonna split the bill.” Jihyo’s voice raises a little like she forgets they’re standing in the middle of an all too large room filled with tables occupied by staring strangers in suits and extravagant dresses. 

Jeongyeon moves her finger to Jihyo’s lips, shushing her. Jihyo’s reaction is comic: wide eyes gleaming up at her. Jeongyeon suppresses the desperate need to let out a cackle. “It’s my treat. Now let’s get out of here, it’s a little too glitzy in here for my liking.” Jeongyeon turns before she can watch Jihyo’s face tug into a wide smile, and they rush out of the place. 

There aren’t as many cameras waiting outside as there were when they first got here. Jeongyeon supposes it probably has a lot to do with the fact that they were speaking for entirely too long and the only shots they’d be getting are pictures of them smiling at each other. 

Still, there are too many strangers around them for Jeongyeon to feel comfortable about it and as soon as they step outside, the commotion drags in so many passing onlookers that she worries they won’t be able to reach her car. 

“Excuse me.” Jeongyeon tries politely. Jihyo’s hand squeezes hers so tightly it almost feels like it’ll crack every bone beneath her skin. 

Their names rain down on them in the previously quiet street as the shouting commences. Jeongyeon turns around slightly, dragging them through the crowd still, notices Jihyo’s fear stricken face and decides she hates that look on her. 

Jeongyeon pulls away from Jihyo’s hand, notices the split second of panic in Jihyo’s eyes and then wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling the girl into her chest. Jihyo wraps arms around Jeongyeon’s midsection, fingers pressing into her waist. 

She looks down briefly and observes as Jihyo screws her eyes shut. “Count to 60 and we’ll be out of here.” Jihyo nudges her head into her chest in response. 

Maybe she had underestimated the situation when she told Momo to have a night off this evening despite her objections. Now she wishes she had asked the bodyguard to work a few hours tonight. 

An elbow crashes into her back and an argument erupts between two men with cameras ahead of them. “Shit.” Jeongyeon manoeuvres them around outstretched hands but can’t seem to dodge the incoming push that shoves Jihyo impossibly closer into her chest. 

A hand tugs on the back of Jihyo’s shirt and Jeongyeon moves faster than her legs will allow. “Move the fuck back from her.” The comment slips out of her mouth and wide eyes stare at them. Jihyo’s fingers squeeze into her skin once more. 

That’ll probably make a reporters day tonight. 

Her car is right in front of them but she has to tilt her head up to keep an eye on it as the crowd around them obscures her vision. 

“You move on fast Jeongyeon. How long will Park Jihyo last?” The stranger’s comment makes the both of them flinch. 

A few more steps. 

“Yoo Jeongyeon doesn’t like staying too long in one place does she?” The question, asked in the third person for some strange reason, causes Jeongyeon to instinctively wrap an arm tighter around Jihyo’s back, if that’s even possible, and send her other hand over her bare shoulder to cling to her skin like the girl is due to disappear between her fingers. 

Anxiety claws at her throat. Jeongyeon can’t remember the last time she was caught alone in a crowd like this - maybe a year or two after she first debuted. But Momo has managed to keep her safe since then, ensuring that she’s not touched despite the number of people surrounding her at any given time. And now she has no idea if she’s handling this situation right at all. 

Her breathing picks up and she knows so despite the crippling adrenaline rushing through her body because Jihyo looks up for the first time since they were swarmed. Jihyo’s gaze bores into her, her head just below Jeongyeon’s chin. Jeongyeon swallows, sets her jaw frustrated and lets out a shaky breath like she’s due to cry any second now. 

“Jeongyeon do you have anything to say to your ex? You didn’t seem too torn up about the breakup. Did you dump her?”

Hands grasp at her shoulder, tug at her shirt and Jeongyeon focuses on the one pair of hands on her back that she knows belong to the only person she wants touching her. 

The crowd breaks a little in front of them and she knows it’s because they’ve hit her car. Jeongyeon pushes past the people in front of her, causing a few to stumble ever so slightly and swings the passenger door open with so much might that she gets scared for a second that she’s managed to pull the metal off its hinges. 

Jeongyeon has to pull Jihyo’s hands physically from around her, squeezing them momentarily to reassure her before moving to gently push Jihyo into the passenger seat. It occurs in such a rush that she doesn’t have time to measure Jihyo’s expression.

Jeongyeon slams the door with a resounding beat and pushes past the strangers still surrounding her to make it to the driver’s seat. She makes it there with questions hurled at her, rummaging between her anxiety. 

Everything occurs in a blinding rush again, like the blood flooding her senses temporarily stills her. And then she’s pushed against the car door with a force that winds her. The sharp corners of the car dig into her back. Apologies flood the air and Jeongyeon knows the crowd has grown out of control. The man who had pushed her stares with sorry eyes and falls back between the countless people in front of her. 

Jeongyeon manages to turn around, her front pushed against the door. She can make out Jihyo’s figure staring up at her, eyes panicked. 

Pulling the door open takes longer than it should and when she falls into the seat, she pulls the door closed with shaky hands that Jihyo stares at. 

Flashes blind them and Jeongyeon really should take a second to calm herself before driving off but the panic surges through her before she can think. She needs to get Jihyo out of here. Hands grasp at the windows and Jeongyeon has never, in the entirety of her career, witnessed a scene so desperate. 

The car revs and the crowd finally parts as she pulls out of the parking space. She speeds off a little too fast, causing the crowd and countless innocent passerbyers to flinch. Jihyo flinches too and Jeongyeon knows she’s watching her carefully like saying anything will cause them to crash. 

They escape the scene in silence and even though they’re now multiple streets away from the carnage, Jeongyeon maintains a speed that is definitely breaking the speed limit. Jihyo doesn't say anything this time. It’s the sheer panic of it all, driving Jeongyeon away - the fight or flight instinct. Jeongyeon chose flight. She supposes she always does. 

They stop at a red light and Jeongyeon breathes, not realising she had been holding her breath ever since. A shaky hand pulls up the handbrake. It takes all of 30 seconds before Jeongyeon finally looks at Jihyo beside her. Already staring back, Jihyo tries a smile but it’s sad and worried and everything she hoped she wouldn’t see on Jihyo’s face tonight. 

“I’m sorry.” The voice doesn’t even sound like herself. 

“Why are you apologising?” Jihyo’s voice cracks. 

“I never meant to put you in that position. I should have asked Momo to stay.” Jeongyeon is scared that this will make Jihyo want to leave. Jeongyeon is terrified that now Jihyo will realise she’s not worth it. 

“It’s not your fault. At all. Momo deserved a night off and you didn’t expect this. It’s okay.” 

“It’s not okay though. You got hurt.” 

“I’m fine.” 

Jeongyeon closes her eyes and focuses on inhaling. Exhaling. Inhaling. Exhaling. 

“Jeongyeon.” Her eyes shoot open. Jihyo stares up at her with big eyes that are all too delicate to deal with right now. “You kept me safe. I’m _fine_.” 

Jeongyeon doesn’t believe her but she’ll pretend anyway. “I was going to take you to-” 

“Don’t worry about it. _We have as long as we want to do everything together_.” Jeongyeon feels the weight of Jihyo’s words lodge below her ribcage. _As long as we want. As long as we need_. “Lets just go _home_ tonight.” Jihyo whispers. 

Jihyo reaches to the screen in the centre of the control system and types in Jeongyeon’s house address into the navigation system. _Home_. Jeongyeon watches carefully as her fingers glide across the keypad and then as Jihyo presses enter with another soft smile. The lights turn green and Jeongyeon drives a little slower for the sake of Jihyo’s sanity.

The shake of her hands seizes now, like Jihyo’s words have remedied her panic. She so desperately wants to hug her, to show her that she chooses her. As if reading her mind, Jihyo reaches down to entangle their fingers together. 

It’s such a tender action that Jeongyeon’s heart swells. Jeongyeon squeezes the hold and moves further so that their entangled hands sit in Jihyo’s lap. Jeongyeon thinks it's the most difficult thing in the world driving when Jihyo keeps glancing at her every 5 seconds.

They pull up in Jeongyeon’s driveway in silence. They walk hand in hand into the house in silence. Jeongyeon drags Jihyo to the sofa in silence. Jihyo lets her do it all in silence. 

They sit with tired eyes, pushing close into each other’s sides. Jihyo’s hand escapes under her shirt, tracing the skin on her back. And then it stops suddenly and a sharp sting hits her. 

Jeongyeon winces and Jihyo pulls her hand back like she’s been burnt with wide eyes. 

“You’re here worrying about me being hurt even though I know that you’d never let anything happen to me... yet _you’re_ the one that's hurt.” Jihyo’s voice is as hard as stone, hits her like concrete. Jeongyeon watches her sheepishly and Jihyo’s frown turns into a horrible sad expression. 

“Take your shirt off.” Jihyo sits forward, throwing her phone onto the coffee table in front of them without a bother. Like she’s angry out of her mind that Jeongyeon is hurt even in the slightest. 

“What?” Jeongyeon can’t help but splutter, looking at Jihyo like she’s insane. Jihyo looks back up with fractured movements, like she’s reassessing the words that have just fallen out of her mouth. 

“At least pull the shirt up so I can look at it. You can’t let it go untreated.” Her voice is a hundred times smaller and Jeongyeon can’t help but stare. In fact, that’s all she can muster: a stare. 

“I couldn’t keep you safe like you did for me. So at least let me look after you now.” Jihyo’s words are fractured and ruptured and an explosion of heartache that Jeongyeon wants to heal.

“Jihyo, you don’t have-”

“Please? Let me care for you.” Jihyo’s hand traipses down her arm and falls to the hem of her shirt. Jeongyeon stares for a second again, nods slowly and lets her. Jeongyeon turns so that her side is pressed into the back of the sofa and Jihyo can lift the back of her shirt up. Jihyo’s lingering fingers trail up her back and stop at the criminal spot. They’re cold - she shivers and Jihyo one hundred percent notices because the younger girl drags a touch down her spine again.

They sit like that for so long that Jeongyeon loses track of time - Jihyo cleaning the wound with a cold wet cloth and applying antiseptic cream where it’s needed. It keeps Jeongyeon wide awake, breathing stilted and unfiltered.

Jeongyeon isn’t sure how long it takes for Jihyo to finally apply a bandage to the wound but even when they both know the job is done, they stay like that for a while longer. Jihyo rests her head on Jeongyeon’s back, just below her neck and Jeongyeon sighs contentedly as Jihyo draws circles along the exposed skin still. 

“I don’t know how you do it.” Jihyo tiredly husks into her ear. 

“Do what?” She’s breathless. 

“This whole public figure thing. I don’t know how you let strangers talk about you without wanting to correct them or lash out or cry.” 

Jeongyeon remembers that Jihyo’s father did a good job of keeping Jihyo out of the media. Jeongyeon remembers that it’s her fault now that Jihyo is the first search result that appears when her name is typed into any realm of the internet. Jeongyeon hates herself for it. 

“I told you not to read anything you see about us.” Jeongyeon can’t help the stony tone to her voice. She can’t help worrying. 

“I know it’s just... I don’t know if you realise this, but you’re kind of everywhere.” Jihyo removes her head from her shoulder to look at her. 

Jeongyeon tilts her head sideways and remains silent, pushing her to continue because she really doesn’t know what to say. She’s speechless a lot of the time around Jihyo. 

“Even when I go to work, you’re on billboards and I hear your music playing whenever I’m in a store or-” 

“Is that a bad thing?” Jeongyeon is scared to think that Jihyo is haunted by her presence more than anything. 

“No. It’s just hard not to think about you- worry about you.” 

“You worry about me?” 

“Of course I do. I hate that people who know nothing about you get to say all these things about who they think you are.” 

It suddenly tugs at Jeongyeon’s heart - how she has never really had the chance to show people who she really is and yet sometimes she feels like she’s become the version of _Yoo Jeongyeon_ that people want to believe. She wants Jihyo to see her. The real her. And she hopes that Jihyo hasn’t been talking to this version of herself she hates so much the whole time. 

“You don’t have to worry about me. This has been my life for years now, I don’t know any different.” Jeongyeon wonders if Jihyo thinks she knows her. 

“They don’t deserve you.” Jihyo’s voice cracks and it hits Jeongyeon that she’s genuinely upset about it all.

“Who deserves me then?” It sounds stupid on her tongue but maybe Jeongyeon just wants to hear the words from Jihyo herself. 

Jihyo stutters a little, like Jeongyeon has just asked her the million dollar question and maybe neither of them have the answer to it really. “I think… Someone who protects you, because you’re always too busy protecting everyone you love to look after yourself. Someone who listens to you, because when you’re not singing, you’re so quiet about your feelings sometimes.”

Jeongyeon closes her eyes as Jihyo whispers into the space between them; doesn’t move to interrupt her. 

“You deserve someone who makes love easy for you.” It’s an uncharacteristic whisper and maybe Jihyo thinks she might break her if she speaks too loudly. 

Jeongyeon opens her eyes to glance back at the girl and she suddenly feels a desperate need to say something too. She hates that Jihyo has been so hardened by the world around her.

Jeongyeon’s voice grates against her throat. “And I think you deserve someone who’s easy to love.” Jeongyeon’s not sure where it comes from - maybe the sudden unbearable growing feeling that she’s impossible to love. Jihyo sighs into her neck again and Jeongyeon finds herself hoping that one day, she’ll deserve Jihyo too.

Jeongyeon lets Jihyo crawl a lingering hand under the front of her sweatshirt; lets her lay a dancing, fluttering touch on her abdomen because she wants Jihyo to see her. She wants so badly to show Jihyo the parts of her that she’s exiled from her reality - the girl who just wants a hand to hold, underneath all the Versace glitz and Louis Vuitton glamour. 

Jihyo’s fingers trace the dips of her hips and settle on the core of her stomach. Jihyo draws a promise of tomorrow that she’s beginning to recognise. 

Jeongyeon turns around. She can’t take the explosion in her chest anymore - the need to pull Jihyo closer. 

Jihyo sits back and watches her settle in front of her with crossed legs. With outstretched hands, Jeongyeon moves Jihyo into her, who complies. She wraps her hands underneath Jihyo’s thighs to pull them over her lap and now she can feel Jihyo’s stolen breaths against her neck. 

They’re rarely ever this close.

Jihyo’s fingers dancing against her neck or along the small of her back are things that have become custom around them; things that have been established since the first night they met and Jihyo moved a teasing hand under her skirt into comforting strokes of understanding. 

But now Jihyo breathes against Jeongyeon’s throat and it feels like a suffocating breath of air. 

Her eyes begin to droop, and so she wraps an arm around Jihyo’s back, lays down into the sofa and brings the girl with her reclining body. Jihyo tangles their legs together, maintains her position with her head nestled into Jeongyeon’s neck. 

Jeongyeon tries so hard to ignore the way Jihyo’s lips graze against her skin but it almost feels like she’s doing it on purpose and it drives her crazy. The touch is so tender, it feels like it’s pulsing against her neck. The weight of Jihyo’s body pressing against hers grounds her a little; steadies her ragged breathing. 

Even if her heart is beating out of her chest, Jihyo presses a squeezing touch to her thigh and finally, presses soft, discreet lips to her neck. The touch is so fleeting, Jeongyeon will swear she can still feel the ghost of it tomorrow and the day after that.

“Don’t worry about me, Jihyo. Please.” The whisper comes out as a hoarse plea. _I’m not worth it_ , she almost says. _I’m not worth any of it_. 

She wakes up 11 hours later with Jihyo fast asleep on top of her, legs still entangled and discovers that Jihyo is three hours late to work. Jihyo calls in sick, spends the day tucked into Jeongyeon’s side watching marvel movies and later cooks dinner for the both of them in Jeongyeon’s kitchen. Neither of them mention the all too delicate conversation and entanglement of legs that prevailed the previous night. 

It ignites a suffocating kind of anxiety in her chest so she pretends that this is forever. 

They had today. And Jeongyeon pretends that they have tomorrow, the day after and the months into the future. 

+

Jeongyeon can’t really pinpoint exactly when it happened, maybe when Jihyo made the habit of calling her every night more of an unforgettable routine; Or when Jeongyeon gave her that red sweatshirt the second time she visited her in the studio, telling her to “keep it” - but she thinks that she can safely say now that they’re definitely friends. They’re definitely friends now with Jihyo’s legs strewn over her lap and submerged in an all too comfortable silence on their phones. 

It’s especially easy with Jihyo.

Maybe it was when Jeongyeon made it a habit to drive Jihyo to work every morning and Jihyo made it a habit to pick up a milkshake for her every friday because they wanted to be all sugared up for their usual movie night. 

(Jihyo picks up strawberry because Jeongyeon said that it reminds her of Jihyo and maybe it’s now her favourite too.)

Or maybe it was when Jeongyeon started sending Jihyo pictures of her pets and Jihyo started responding back with photos of her cats and now their chat is a constant barrage of cute animal videos and invitations to cat cafes that sit scheduled and booked in their calendars. 

Maybe it’s the way Jihyo makes her feel understood or maybe it’s the way she gives her a world to come home to that’s much kinder than her reality. 

Whatever it is, Jeongyeon thinks that this is okay. She’s content with the way things are between them. 

The thought plagues her mind: that they’re already halfway through this agreement where they’re contractually obliged to pretend to be in love, and Jihyo won’t feel the need to laze around her apartment anymore once it ends. 

Jeongyeon hates it. Because now her apartment suddenly feels so much like home when Jihyo is found rustling through her fridge, cocooned in a blanket on her sofa or watching her cook dinner from the kitchen island. 

And she knows that when Jihyo isn’t here; when she’s busy at work or when she eventually goes back home for the evening, the place feels so empty. 

Still, Jeongyeon sits on her roof most nights now and thanks the universe for lightening her heavy heart. Especially when Sana and Momo are fast asleep entangled on her sofa; when Chaeyoung, Dahyun and Tzuyu laugh maniacally under tired voices inside the fort they’ve built in her living room. And when Nayeon and Jihyo sit with her at the dining table into the late hours of the night discussing their thoughts on extraterrestrial life. 

“I really wish you never recommended that new show to me.” Jihyo huffs, still staring into her phone. 

Jeongyeon glances down. “Which one?” 

“The one where the main character and her love interest are basically dancing around each other for the whole season.”

“Isn’t that most dramas?” Jeongyeon quirks an amused smirk in her direction and Jihyo rolls her eyes at the sight. 

“You know which one I’m talking about. You were literally complaining to me about it yesterday.”

“It’s not _that_ bad.” 

“The kissing scenes are painful to watch.” Jihyo genuinely sounds stressed at the thought and Jeongyeon suppresses the urge to chuckle.

“I think those scenes are sweet.” 

Jihyo looks up quickly with an incredulous look on her face. “Now I know you’re talking a load of shit.”

Jeongyeon lets out a hearty laugh - misses the way Jihyo stares with soft eyes and an untamed smile on her face. 

“Care to tell me how you’d make it any better?” Jeongyeon lets out one last breathy chuckle and turns to watch Jihyo with a quirk of the corner of her mouth.

“I’d employ myself to play the main character.”

“You think you’d be up for that? All those kissing scenes in front of the entire camera crew and all the other actors?” Jeongyeon smirks again as a blush of red rolls up Jihyo’s neck.

“If the other actor was hot, yeah.” Jihyo shrugs as if it’s nothing. Jeongyeon watches her bite her lip in an attempt to suppress a grin and she thinks it’s the most endearing sight, her heart might collapse in on itself.

“Any suggestions for who you’d employ to play your love interest then?”

Jihyo looks around the room theatrically as if she’s genuinely thinking up a list of actors that could possibly be worthy of playing beside her. Her gaze lands on the only other girl on the sofa and Jeongyeon watches as Jihyo drags a very unsubtle glance over her neck, jaw, and freshly styled hair.

“No clue.” Jihyo’s tone is several octaves lower and Jeongyeon gets worried for a second that she’s coming down with a cold or something of the sort. Silence cloaks the room.

“Very brave of you to admit that you think you could act those kissing scenes out any better.” Jeongyeon reverts to teasing just to lighten the air a little because Jihyo suddenly looks a little pain stricken. 

“I think I’d be pretty good acting in those kissing scenes, thank you very much.” Jihyo throws her phone onto the space on the sofa between them and crosses her arms in a way Jeongyeon almost laughs at.

“Really now?” It’s a challenge Jeongyeon doesn’t expect Jihyo to rise to. 

“I think I’d be _very, very_ good at it.” Jihyo slows her words, emphasising each syllable like she’s trying to hammer the idea into Jeongyeon’s head. It works. Jeongyeon subconsciously licks her lips and tries so damn hard to ignore the way Jihyo’s gaze drops to observe the action briefly. She imagined that surely? A reflex? Must be.

Jihyo sits up, moving closer so that they’re a few inches apart. 

“So you’d be happy kissing some random coworker you barely know?” The question rushes out of her mouth unexpected. She really hadn’t meant to say that aloud. 

Jihyo’s eyes widen and then become hooded again as she takes in the blush that Jeongyeon absolutely knows is crawling up her neck. 

“I’m just saying I’d add a little drama to it, make it a little more… real.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Jihyo sits even closer, eyes boring into her. Jeongyeon suppresses the urge to move back. She lets Jihyo place a lingering hand on her thigh. She lets Jihyo claw fingers into her jeans. She lets Jihyo move another hand upwards, drawing a thumb across her bottom lip as if dancing away the ghost of sugar that was there when they barely knew each other. 

Jeongyeon has nothing to say. Her breath gets stuck in her throat. She can see the slight crinkles in Jihyo’s day-worn make up from here, the dust of pink eyeshadow that Jeongyeon told her was her favourite colour and Jihyo has opted to wear ever since. She can see the frantic darting of Jihyo’s eyes from here, her parted lips and hooded eyelids. 

“Want me to prove it to you?” Jihyo’s voice is hoarse and Jeongyeon can’t help leaning in. 

Their noses touch and Jeongyeon wants to reach out to pull Jihyo into her lap and- 

“How does every fucking shop run out of ice cream? It’s not that hot. _Shit_.” Nayeon practically shouts into the room. 

They jump apart, lightning charging the air between them. Breathless and wide eyed, they both return to sitting still beside each other - totally inconspicuous. 

“You know we might have actually found something if we went to that last store I suggested.”

“Sana, you know very well our luck had run out the moment we walked into the 15th shop and found nothing but empty freezers.” Tzuyu calls before closing the front door behind the crew. 

“To be fair, you’re not going to find a whole lot searching in shops near the school district.” Momo reasons and Jeongyeon realises that they’re about to walk into the living room and find the two of them sitting totally still, staring at the blank white wall ahead of them. 

And then there it is. A moment of silence so contrasting from the racquet of volume that entered the house a second ago. 

Jeongyeon turns her head slightly, catching their figures standing behind the sofa. 

“Well, what do we have here then?” Dahyun’s voice drips with the knowledge that the pair are practically joined at the hip almost everyday - something only her manager would specifically know - and the two of them sitting separated by multiple cushions now is enough to tip her off. 

“Not much. You?” Jeongyeon manages a solid reply. She thinks. 

“Just got back from searching practically the entire city for that ice cream you and Jihyo were so desperate for. Pair of conniving schemers.” Chaeyoung mutters the last part and walks away with an air to her that has Tzuyu snorting amusedly. 

“We found nothing by the way.” Sana comments sweetly, reading the awkward look on her face with a knowing smile. She sits on the edge of the back of the sofa, observes carefully as the pair nod stiltedly. 

“What a shame.” Jihyo offers in a bid to rid herself of Sana’s incessant gaze. It comes out bland and unconvincing and it must stir something in a sweat drenched and exhausted Nayeon because the older girl storms up to them and points a finger between the two. 

“You two were practically begging for ice cream an hour ago and now all you can muster is ‘ _what a shame_ ’.” Nayeon’s voice pitches weirdly in a way that has Jeongyeon thinking they left the cartoons on the TV on for a second. Jeongyeon realises quickly that this is another one of Jihyo and Nayeon’s bickering sessions and decides that maybe this is a great opportunity to escape-

“Not so fast Yoo. You were the one practically in Jihyo’s lap before we left, claiming you were ‘ _too tired to move_ ’. Jihyo’s not stroking your hair and cuddling you to sleep anymore now, is she?” It’s clear Nayeon has taken the opportunity to tease them and now Jeongyeon would very happily have her nice floorboards ripped up just so she could dig herself a hole and hide in it. 

“Uh- I”

Sana rips into fits of giggles. “Come on Nayeon. Leave them to it.” She raises eyebrows at the older girl and they both snort and cackle their way out of the room to join the others in the kitchen. Jeongyeon feels like she’s a four year old, severely out of the loop. 

Jihyo chuckles quickly and Jeongyeon turns to look at the red faced girl. Jihyo shakes her head, moves closer again so that they’re cheek to cheek. “I don’t think I’d be able to replace the actor in that show now that I think about it… Couldn’t go around kissing just anyone.”

The comment stuns Jeongyeon - the bravery of it all. But not as much as the gentle kiss Jihyo plants on her cheek. It lingers. Jeongyeon watches Jihyo waltz off to the kitchen without a second glance. She listens to the rounds of shouts and laughs that spill out of the room. 

Jihyo stares at her very unsubtly when she makes her way into the kitchen finally. Jeongyeon doesn’t admit that Jihyo’s admission sends crippling relief through her; not even to herself. 

+

“Should I be nervous?” Jihyo speaks without much of a glance at her. Instead she’s fixing her dress, neatening out her hair and checking her make-up in the mirror. 

“You’ll be fine. There’s no need to be nervous.” Jeongyeon speaks carefully and stops for a second just to admire the girl in front of her. It’s their first red carpet appearance and really there’s a million reasons to be nervous but Jihyo doesn’t have to know that. 

“Are you nervous?” Jihyo catches her looking and smirks as she turns around to take a proper look at the older girl. 

Jeongyeon’s words catch in her throat a little. “No.”

Jihyo nods and walks over towards her slowly. Then she’s all too close and Jihyo is everywhere and her hands are delicately brushing at the fine dust on her shoulders and she’s tugging at the lapels of her cropped pinstripe blazer to straighten them out. 

“You don’t have to pretend just for my sake.” Jihyo’s eyes flutter upwards as the words leave her mouth and suddenly Jeongyeon’s nerves dissipate from her fiddling fingers. 

Jeongyeon thinks that Jihyo has the prettiest eyes when she’s looking up at her like this, squinting only slightly as the evening sun bares down on them through the window. 

“Okay.” 

Jihyo smiles softly in response and brushes a stray hair behind Jeongyeon’s ear. She thinks she might just pass out if she keeps looking at her like this. (But then she’d miss the way her gaze falls to her lips so maybe passing out wouldn’t be the best idea.)

“You look pretty.” The words accidentally slip out and Jeongyeon’s cheeks burn at the realisation of what she’s just said, watches as Jihyo’s eyes widen a little. 

Jihyo takes a second to chuckle. “And you look gorgeous tonight.” The words reverberate in her chest and Jeongyeon wants to hear her say it again. 

It would honestly be great if there was workable air conditioning in here because now she’s all hot and flustered and Jihyo is so close that she finds herself holding her breath. Jeongyeon clears her throat and glances away from Jihyo to look down at her heels. If she looks any longer at Jihyo pushing her tongue contemplatively into the corner of her mouth, she might just do something she’d regret. Then her name is being called for across the room by one of the backstage managers and it’s time to face the music.

Jeongyeon offers a tender smile and interlaces their fingers together in a soft hold; leads them out towards the red carpet. “Stay close to me.” They ignore the countless stares directed their way as they move down the corridor. 

Jihyo squeezes her hand in response and the doors open. Their hair is blown slightly astray by the breeze. 

Jeongyeon takes a second to breathe - just to remember exactly who she is. And walks confidently with her ‘girlfriend’ in tow as they're blinded by flash after flash after flash. 

She quickly turns to her left, just to make sure Jihyo is okay and then wraps a strong hold around her waist to pull her closer. Jihyo chuckles a little at the force and leans into her hold comfortably, like she’s meant to be there. 

It’s only paralysingly terrifying how natural it feels and when Jihyo turns into her ear quickly, whispers a teasing “ _possessive_ much?” with a bite of her lip and a raise of her eyebrows, Jeongyeon can’t help but stare.

Jihyo turns back to the cameras with an innocent smile and she’s so beautiful like this: by her side. And she’s even more beautiful in the passenger seat of her car, sweatshirt sleeves pulled over her hands and gazing up at her with tired, ever so pretty, dreamy eyes. 

So Jeongyeon pretends there isn’t a dull ache developing in her heart. Instead, she subconsciously digs anxious fingers into Jihyo’s waist just to ground herself and smiles as she’s supposed to. And when Jihyo turns slightly to check up on her, Jeongyeon lets her place a hand underneath her blazer. She lets her stroke a delicate touch across the small of her back and she lets her root a little further into her heart. 

She can feel Jihyo’s heart pounding in her chest as she leans closer into her side and Jeongyeon suddenly hates that she’s been shoved so quickly into a reality of prying eyes. 

Jeongyeon wants to shield her from it all. The flashes are too much. She takes a breath to steady herself and pulls Jihyo impossibly closer. 

Jihyo makes a little noise in surprise and Jeongyeon can feel her eyes on her. She wants them to stay there, doesn’t want her gaze to find a home anywhere else. So she gives the cameras what they want, smiles like she’s supposed to.

Questions are being hurled at them and she can feel Jihyo getting fidgety. Jeongyeon doesn’t have time for it, she’s decided. So it’s the easiest thing in the world, to waltz off the red carpet; Jihyo in tow. 

“Good. That was convincing.” Dahyun whispers under her breath as soon as they’re back under the guise of the green room. 

Jihyo lets go of her hand once they’re alone and she doesn’t make an effort to speak for the remainder of the night. Instead, she sits in the corner of the room, phone in hand and Jeongyeon can’t quite seem to catch her attention from the hair and make up chair. 

It’s almost a miracle Jihyo even glances up once her name is called to the stage at the end of the night. 

“You said you weren’t much of an actress.” Jihyo doesn’t look up from her phone as she says this. 

“What do you mean?” Jeongyeon glances startled because this is the first attempt Jihyo has made at conversation in the last two hours and there’s a splintering edge to her voice that makes her heart drop out of her chest. 

“You were acting pretty good out there.” Now Jihyo stares back at her. And Jeongyeon almost wishes she wasn’t; not with the look she’s giving her. 

“On the red carpet?” 

Jihyo hums a yes, doesn’t say anything else and simply stares at her, waiting for a response. 

“I was only doing what came natural to me. What part about it was ‘good acting’?” Jeongyeon narrows her eyes in confusion and she doesn’t really know how to tell Jihyo that none of that was pretending.

“When we’re alone... you look like you’ve been struck by lightning whenever I get near you.” Jihyo’s voice wavers a little bit and it’s so ‘un-Jihyo’ that it’s startling. 

“There’s a reason I haven’t added ‘actress’ to my resume in all my years in the entertainment industry.”

Jihyo watches her carefully, as if any sign of a lie will spill out from her mouth onto the floor in front of them. 

“So what..? You really mean it when you touch me like that out there?” 

“Like what?” Jeongyeon swallows thickly.

“Like you want me to yourself.” Everything stills. 

Now what does she say? Tell her that it terrifies her to think that she’ll just be another person who leaves her in the end? Jeongyeon doesn’t know how to respond; so she looks on at Jihyo with wide eyes and stuttering noises. 

Jihyo stands up, places her phone on the table beside her and doesn’t bother straightening out her dress as she moves closer. Jihyo looks up at her with dark eyes, parted lips and fingers clawing at her hips. 

“Do you?” Jihyo’s breath fans against her neck as she speaks. Jeongyeon feels like she’s suffocating.

“What?” 

“Do you want me all to yourself?” 

Jeongyeon just wants to kiss her. Because she can’t find the words and she doesn’t think that the right words will even begin to explain how much Jeongyeon wants Jihyo all to herself. Then the silence stretches on for too long and Jeongyeon knows she’s missed her chance. 

“Would it be so bad? If you wanted me?” There’s a kind of vulnerability clawing at Jihyo’s words that she’s never heard before and the dull ache in her chest returns. 

Her throat is closing; won’t let her speak. But Jihyo’s hands drop from her hips and Jeongyeon is scared that she’ll leave for real this time. 

“No. It wouldn’t be bad.” The words sound so childish in her ears and Jeongyeon can’t for the life of her get out what she really wants to say. 

She reaches out to pull Jihyo closer to her but then Dahyun is cautiously entering the room, and when she hears her name being called out on stage, Jeongyeon knows there’s no option now. She drops Jihyo’s hands and walks out of the room in a rush because she can’t tell her to wait. 

Jeongyeon doesn’t see Jihyo until they’re both filing into the car at the end of the night. Flashes blind them through the windows and Jeongyeon is almost too overwhelmed to turn to Jihyo fully to ask if she’s okay. Instead, she runs a hand over Jihyo’s arm but all she gets in response is a deafening silence.

Neither speak a word and Jeongyeon knows it’s because the tide has shifted. And it’s so unsettling Jeongyeon feels like she might just break under the weight of it. 

“Goodnight Jihyo.” The words bubble out of her throat with a resounding crack as Jihyo steps out of the car. She can’t bring herself to say anything else and it’s the very thing, Jeongyeon thinks, that will be the end of her. 

Jihyo glances up surprised because it’s the most Jeongyeon has said to her since their stilted moment in the green room. 

Her face moves from surprised to confused to acceptance; acceptance of what, Jeongyeon is not sure. 

“Goodnight Jeongyeon.” 

The door slams behind her and Jeongyeon tells her driver to wait before pulling away, just so she can make sure Jihyo makes it to the apartment complex without being kidnapped or without having any other horrible situation Jeongyeon worries about happening to Jihyo, occurring. 

She disappears behind the glass of the building and the car pulls away, uptown towards her place. 

Jeongyeon doesn’t know if they’ll survive the change in the wind. 

+

“Is she okay?” Jeongyeon feels ridiculous but she supposes it would be worse if she didn’t care at all. 

“She’s okay. Just stressed with work. Why do you ask?” Nayeon shuffles around on the other end of the line. 

“She’s been acting a little distant is all.” 

There’s a pause and then Nayeon breathes down the phone a little. “Since when?” 

“Since last week. Since the red carpet appearance.” Since Jihyo asked her if she wanted her and Jeongyeon couldn’t give her a straight answer. 

Nayeon pauses again and Jeongyeon is beginning to wonder what in the world Nayeon has to think so long about. 

“Distant in what sense?” 

“I don’t know.” Jeongyeon suddenly feels so stupid. “She just feels distant.”

In reality, Jeongyeon wakes up in the morning to check her messages only to find stilted responses from Jihyo about whatever schedule they have coming up and a total of zero cat videos. The lack of midnight phone calls and impromptu visits stirs something in her chest that she can’t decipher.

“She just has a lot of deadlines coming up at work. There’s no need to worry Jeong.” This Nayeon is so different from the one who’s usually hitting her arm and cackling into her ear with laughter. 

“Okay. Sorry for-”

“Are you alright?” 

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m fine. I’m okay.” It feels like she’s trying to convince herself more than anyone else and it’s probably as clear as day. 

“... Be careful Jeongyeon.” 

Jeongyeon halts in her anxious stride, placing a grounding hand on her kitchen countertop. 

“What?” For a second Jeongyeon questions whether she’s placed a foot over the line. Has she done something wrong? The two of them might have made the strangest, strongest pair of friends in the last few weeks and months but there are still lines drawn; boundaries their friendship hasn’t tested yet.

Nayeon’s voice is too soft. Jeongyeon tightens her hold around the phone, as if Nayeon will disappear completely if it slips away. 

“I don’t want you to get hurt.” Nayeon whispers through the phone and it hits Jeongyeon like a truck that she’s not warning her in the same way she pointed a threatening finger at her the first time they met. Nayeon is warning her this time, not just because she’s scared for Jihyo, but because she’s scared for her too, and her heart aches so tremendously at the realisation. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“You do know. You do know what I’m talking about. And it’s okay Jeong. If you-”

“I should go.” 

“You don’t have to keep everything in, Jeongyeon. You know that right? You can talk to us.” There’s a slight shake to Nayeon’s voice, as if she’s terrified for her. And it sets a tidal wave of anxiety in motion in her chest. Jeongyeon trusts her friends with her life. But she’s always had a habit of keeping everything to herself. And old habits die hard.

“I know.” Jeongyeon returns the whisper. “I’ll speak to you later.” 

+

“So what? She hasn’t replied to your dumbass cat videos, maybe send her an actual sentence.” Chaeyoung shoves her hands in her pockets, cooly swerving between people as they navigate the city streets. 

“That’s not the point.” Jeongyeon fixes her mask a little more firmly on her face. 

“Okay so what happened then? She made a move on you and you were too dumb to take the hint? Is that not the usual?” Jeongyeon would be concerned for the level of Momo’s voice if it wasn’t for their oversized jackets and pulled down caps. 

“She did not make a move on me.” 

“Well with the way you described it, it sure sounds a lot like Jihyo making a move.” 

“I’ve told you before, she’s naturally flirty. It’s been like that since the day we met. She likes getting me all flustered.” Even in her own ears it doesn’t sound right but it’s the only viable explanation she can think of.

Sana snorts and pulls on their arms a little with the force of her laughter. “Jihyo is _not_ naturally flirty.” 

“Yeah we must be thinking of different people.” Chaeyoung joins in and Jeongyeon really thinks this is stupid because they’ve been friends for months now and Jihyo has not once explicitly stated that she wants to be anything more prior to recent events. 

“Just figure out who’s paying for the food because we are not spending 15 minutes getting the waitress to choose a random debit card from the middle of the table this time.” Jeongyeon sighs but she doesn’t mean it. Not really. If they do spend 15 minutes getting the waitress to choose whose paying then so be it. It’s always been like this.

“I vote that Jeongyeon pays as compensation for the emotional distress she puts us through whenever she mistakenly perceives Jihyo’s flirting as friendly banter.” Dahyun pushes in front of them and gives their reservation name to the waiter at the front desk.

“She does not flirt.”

“You just said she was naturally flirty so which is it?” Chaeyoung smirks from beside them and this is absolutely fantastic. Exactly the relaxing night she needed.

Jeongyeon sighs and it’s a loving sigh if anything. She throws an arm around the younger girl’s shoulders, ruffles her hair and they all make their way to the table. It’s an intimate place. Their favourite. The rest of the night consists of the entire table coming up with conspiracy theories behind Jihyo and Jeongyeon’s fake dating arrangement. Jeongyeon lets them and laughs when Sana suggests they should go on double dates with her and Momo. 

“Okay so… Who’s turn is it to pay?” Sana finally asks and collective sighs resound around the table; and then laughter. It’s become a running joke at this point, having to decide who pays and maybe the bickering is the most entertaining part of it all 

Dahyun holds her hand up, to ask for the cheque. “We are not asking the waitress to decide.” 

“Just do it randomly.”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“How chaotic of you.”

Chaeyoung reaches across Momo to take Sana’s reluctant card from her hand and throws it into the pile in the middle of the table. 

“Shall I decide who’s paying?” The voice comes from behind Jeongyeon but she doesn't have to turn around to know who it is. 

“Jihyo! What are you doing here?” Sana jumps up and engulfs Jihyo in her usual hugs.

A giggle bubbles from Jihyo’s mouth at Sana’s antics. “Company dinner.”

“Thought as much. You work too hard.” 

“Well thank god you’re here otherwise we’d be deciding who’s paying for the next hour.” Chaeyoung throws her own card into the middle of the table and everyone almost rejoices in agreement. 

Jeongyeon can’t bring herself to face her, even as Jihyo leans forward against the back of her chair. 

Nayeon probably told her that she called to check in on her and for some reason, the thought of Jihyo knowing that she cared enough to call her best friend instead of her, sets her a little on edge. 

“What’s at stake here? Is it a hefty bill?” She can practically hear the smirk on Jihyo’s lips. 

Jihyo’s fingers curl around the top of her chair and they edge into Jeongyeon’s back. 

“Let’s not discuss numbers here.” Momo turns around to Jihyo and Jeongyeon watches as her gaze dips down to Jihyo’s hands on the back of her chair. 

Jihyo’s hands travel up her back and settle on Jeongyeon’s shoulders. Jeongyeon suddenly wishes she was wearing her jacket because all she can feel are her fingers searing into her skin through her thin shirt and the blush on her cheeks is probably obvious. Jihyo’s breath fans against the back of her neck and maybe Jeongyeon should have let her hair down too. 

“The black card.” Jihyo murmurs and her voice reverberates in her ear. Jihyo knows it’s her card. From all the countless milkshakes they’ve bought, it’s a little too hard to miss. 

“Thank you for the food Jeongyeon! So generous of you.” Momo stands to collect the other cards and hands them back. 

Jihyo laughs and Jeongyeon thinks now would be the time to finally acknowledge her presence. She leans her head back and looks up at the girl who simply smiles softly back down at her. 

“You did that on purpose.” Jeongyeon doesn’t mean to be whiney about it but apparently she’s found herself pouting because Sana reaches over to pinch her cheeks and coo at her anyway. 

Jihyo’s hands fall from her shoulders down her front slightly. Jeongyeon leans into the touch. She lets Jihyo fiddle with the crease of her shirt and listens to the dips and rises of her voice as she tells the table about the hectic week she’s had. She figures now that Jihyo drives her insane.

“Are you on your way out?” Dahyun queries as Jeongyeon pays and tips the waitress. 

“Yeah. Just need to call a taxi.” Jihyo brushes a stressed hand down her face.

“By yourself?” Jeongyeon winces at the obvious unnecessary concern laced in her own voice. 

“Taxis are relatively safe around here Jeongyeon. It’s my drivers day off.” Jihyo’s lips lilt upwards a little bit, as if she finds her worries endearing. 

“I’ll come with you.” Jeongyeon gets up, takes her jacket from the back of her chair and throws it over her shoulders. 

“You don’t have to do that. I promise I’ll be okay.”

“I want to.” 

Jihyo smiles contemplatively, observing her. 

Momo coughs an interrupting laugh and then motions to the rest of the table. “We’ll see you later then?” 

Jeongyeon nods, bids the girls goodbye and leads Jihyo outside. 

“I’m sure I’d manage to get home safely by myself you know.” Jihyo stands close to her, arm grazing against her own. 

“Well I figured that I still owe you for that milkshake and doughnut.” Her heart pounds in her chest. Jihyo looks so beautiful tonight. Like she always does. But especially tonight, with the late night neon lights ghosting her face, tired smile and dreamy eyes, Jeongyeon just wants to wrap her up in her arms and forget the world. 

“I think we’ve bought each other enough milkshakes to kill us; enough at least to cancel out the whole ‘I owe you’ thing.” Jihyo chuckles. 

“I guess.” Jeongyeon lets Jihyo hook an arm around hers. Jihyo leans in to her a little further and Jeongyeon lets her do that too. 

She’s glad Jihyo is the one to initiate any kind of affection between them, because most of the time Jeongyeon is scared Jihyo will recognise the truth enrapt in her touches. She’s scared that if she leans a little too easily into the touch, Jihyo will be able to read the truth on her body, as if the evidence of her incessant pounding heart seeps through the stitches of her jacket. 

And maybe it does. Maybe it leaks out in the form of her unsure fingers, her inability to take her eyes off Jihyo. 

“Have you ever written a song for someone?” Jihyo’s random question catches her off guard a little. She’s almost scared to ask where the thought has come from.

The pedestrian street opens up before them onto a road and Jeongyeon spots a taxi waiting by the bus stop a few metres ahead of them. 

“Sure. I have.” 

“I suppose it’s like writing letters to people, right? Except they never know that it’s addressed to them.” Jihyo’s curious eyes feel like they’re piercing through her. 

“Something like that.” 

Jihyo smirks, repeats her with a whisper. “ _Something like that_.” 

Jeongyeon opens the back door of the taxi and lets Jihyo climb in first. It’s like they’re just picking up from where they left off, forgetting the week’s scarce text messages and unusual lack of phone calls. 

She wonders how a person can feel so much like home. 

Jeongyeon takes the seat by the window, and Jihyo eventually moves over to sit in the middle seat. 

“Nayeon told me you called her to check up on me.” Her words are smothered in the soft hum of the car. It was only a matter of time really before Jihyo brought it up. 

“Yeah. Just wanted to make sure you were doing okay.” 

“You could have called me.” Jeongyeon closes her eyes because the feeling of Jihyo’s gaze on her is too much. But even then, Jihyo is everywhere. 

“I know. I just didn’t want to disturb you.” 

“You could never disturb me Jeongyeon.” For a second Jeongyeon worries that the taxi driver is hearing too much. But what does he really care for them? He doesn’t. He’s just trying to do his job and the two girls in the back dancing around each other’s words and implied meanings are the least of his worries. 

“As long as you’re okay.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Jihyo looks caught out. 

“No reason.” Because Jihyo hasn’t talked to her properly since they got back in the car that night of the red carpet and Jeongyeon is a worry-er anyway. 

Jeongyeon looks outside the window and spots a Park Co. restaurant. Jihyo’s apartment is on the next street, she’s sure of it. They sit in silence for a while, watching the car speed down familiar streets through the rain spotted window.

“Remember the night we met, when Sana turned up in front of us?” Jihyo questions with a hand snaking around Jeongyeon’s arm again. Another sudden habit of Jihyo’s. One she definitely doesn’t mind. 

Jeongyeon wonders if the night they woke up entangled on her sofa has anything to do with the new leash of affection. 

“You remember that? I thought you’d be too drunk to remember anything.” Jeongyeon turns to finally face her and Jihyo eyes widen a little. 

“I remember everything from that night.” 

“You do?” Maybe convincing herself that Jihyo didn’t care to recall half the events of that night was not the way to go. 

Jihyo nods, confused. “Don’t you?”

“It would be hard to forget anything from that night really.” She’s said too much. Jihyo is looking at her too long. 

The car comes to a halt and Jihyo stutters forward, undoes her seatbelt with a jolt. 

“Do you remember what Sana said?” Jihyo’s hands cling to the door handle, like she’s desperate to hear what Jeongyeon has to say but prepares herself to escape in case of an answer she doesn’t want to hear. 

“Sana talks a lot.”

“She said that I was your type.” A ghost of a smirk graces Jihyo’s lips and then disappears as if she tries to suppress it. Jeongyeon wonders whether it’s a genuine smirk because in the next second, Jihyo is nervously biting her lip. 

“Oh…”

“Do you remember that?” Jihyo asks the question innocently. But it’s far from innocent. 

“Yes.” 

“Am I? Your type?”

The air charges a little, like it’s escaping from the little gap in the open window and Jeongyeon has to answer quickly or they’ll suffocate in the tension. 

Jeongyeon isn’t sure she really has a type. Sana talks a load of rubbish half the time but she’s also incredibly observant and maybe her best friend has noticed that she does, in fact, have a type. But Jeongyeon doesn’t really care for it. 

All she knows is that Jihyo is everything she wants and the realisation crashes into her chest with a breathless impact. 

Jeongyeon allows herself a second to admire Jihyo. To really admire her; the pinkish eyeshadow that’s smudged a little in the aftermath of a busy work day. Her hair that’s tucked cutely behind her ear. Jihyo’s favourite earrings glistening a little in the streetlamp light outside the car. The dips of her neck and collarbones. The slightly unbuttoned work shirt that dips a little too low now that she’s in the comfort of a car. The work skirt that stops above her knees. 

Jeongyeon admires the glow of her eyes, the tinge of a smirk on her lips that she’s come to love. Everything about her.

Jihyo’s eyes bore into her now, like she’s noticed the way Jeongyeon has been subconsciously looking her up and down. 

They glow, as if daring her to admit it; daring her to prove it.

And now Jihyo has her answer.

Jeongyeon leans forward because it’s the only thing her mind will let her do. Jihyo’s hand darts from the door handle to Jeongyeon’s shoulder, as if to steady herself. And the smirk is wiped from Jihyo’s face. 

They’re mere centimetres away now. 

“What about me?” Jeongyeon husks and she can feel Jihyo’s unsteady breath from underneath her. 

“What?” Jihyo’s voice cracks and Jeongyeon leans a little closer, just to test the waters.

“Am I your type?” 

Jeongyeon leans her hands against Jihyo’s waist, feels her shiver under her words and allows herself to smirk this time. 

Jihyo stares at her lips, watches intently as the corners of Jeongyeon’s mouth tug into a smug, tight-lipped smile. Jeongyeon moves to close the distance. 

“Can you two get a move on? I’m working all night.” The taxi driver pounds a fist against the back of the passenger seat and Jeongyeon can feel her cheeks burning red. They part quickly. 

How could they have forgotten that they were not the only ones in the car, a car that they do not own no less.

“Of course. Sorry.” Jihyo meekly replies and opens the door. Jihyo swivels in her seat, and opens her purse, flicking through notes and coins. 

Jeongyeon beats her to it, handing the driver a generous tip. 

“I had it, Jeongyeon.”

“Look at it as me paying you back for the infamous milkshake and doughnut.” It’s a joke. It’s been weeks since that visit to the diner and even then, they’ve bought each other enough sugar to owe each other their medical bills in 30 years more than anything else. 

Jihyo sighs softly, shaking her head and placing her purse back into her bag. “If you really want to pay back what you don’t owe me, you could come inside.”

Jihyo grants her a hopeful look, and there’s no way she could let her down. 

“Come inside?” 

“Yes Jeongyeon. Exit the vehicle, walk a block down the road and enter my apartment with the keys I have in my hand.”

“Alright alright.” Jeongyeon raises her hands in surrender as if too tired to be shot by Jihyo’s ever appreciated sarcasm again. 

Jeongyeon apologises to the taxi driver once more who's counting his generous tip in the front seat and walks around the car to meet Jihyo. 

“I feel like you’re just using the whole ‘I owe you’ thing as an excuse now.” Jihyo snorts and begins walking in the direction of her apartment. 

Jeongyeon skips a little in order to catch up. It’s just the two of them now. 

“As an excuse for what?” 

“I don’t know. To do stuff for me.” Jihyo wraps her jacket around herself and she looks a hundred times smaller; Jeongyeon just wants to pick her up and swirl her around.

“I don’t need an excuse to do stuff for you.”

“Exactly. You don’t. There’s nothing you could ever possibly owe me, Jeongyeon.”

Jeongyeon wants to ask if Jihyo is genuinely mad. But she glances down at Jihyo’s tired work clothes and sluggish steps and thinks better of it. 

“I do things for you because I want to.” The only sound save for their speaking now is the drone of the airplanes passing by. 

“Oh really? You do things because you want to?” 

“Yeah..?”

“So what exactly is it that you want Jeongyeon?” Jihyo twirls around, asks a question that takes the physical form of her hair crashing into her face. Exacerbated. Jeongyeon is not sure what for. 

“I… Want a lot of things. It doesn’t mean that I can have them.”

Jihyo stares into her soul and then whips back around and storms towards her apartment complex. Jeongyeon follows. And she follows Jihyo up 10 flights of stairs too because apparently the elevator is broken.

Jeongyeon heaves as they reach the top, places two hands on her knees and almost keels over.

“For a professionally trained dancer, I thought you’d have a little more stamina.” Jihyo’s trying to get a rise out of her. Jeongyeon can tell. 

“That’s ten flights of stairs, Ji.” Jeongyeon points an arm desperately at the hellish spiral of steps behind them and Jihyo snorts mockingly. 

“I’ll carry you up next time.” Jihyo shoves her keys into the door. 

“Really now? I’m multiple inches taller than you so I doubt that.” 

“Like you’d be any better at carrying me up.” Jihyo turns around with a raise of her eyebrows before unlocking the door. 

“Wanna bet?” 

Jihyo stops in her stride as she opens the front door inwards. “What? Are you gonna prove me wrong?” Jihyo dares her again. 

Jeongyeon steps forward. She has no idea what she’s doing; no idea what has possessed her. But Jihyo doesn’t move any further back and Jeongyeon takes that as a sign that she’s not exactly doing anything wrong. 

They’re standing impossibly close and Jeongyeon likes to think that if it wasn’t for the Nayeon shaped silhouette standing in the kitchen watching on with a smirk, she would have kissed her. 

If it wasn’t for the familiar looking stranger standing next to Nayeon, Jeongyeon would’ve spent the night. 

Instead, she steps back again. “I should really go. It’s getting late.” 

“What?” Jihyo’s face forms into a confused frown. “You just got here. It’ll take a while for another taxi to get here.” 

“Dahyun will have my driver parking up outside in five minutes tops.” 

Jihyo watches her for what feels like an eternity and the three pairs of eyes boring into her from inside the apartment paired with Jihyo’s narrowed gaze makes her skin crawl a little. Suddenly she does mind being watched. 

It’s out of character for her, Jeongyeon knows. Usually she’s the first one throwing herself down on their sofa ready to watch whatever drama Nayeon obsesses over. 

But the Mina shaped ghost standing in their living room is enough to have her running.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Jeongyeon needs to make it clear that it isn’t Jihyo’s fault. So she offers a soft smile, and a friendly squeeze of her shoulder.

“Okay.” 

Jihyo watches her disappear down the stairs again with concern etched onto her face. 

Jeongyeon figures the part that requires the least effort, is in fact, the descent. Or the falling. 

+

“If someone comes up to you with a press badge then just ignore them.” Sana flippantly advises as the car slows into the queue outside the hotel. 

“You’ve been to galas before though anyway, right? I swear it’s kind of protocol to attend these things when you’re next in line to inherit a multi-million dollar corporation?” Chaeyoung snickers from the back seat and Jeongyeon fiddles nervously with her necklace because there’s a sudden anxiety gnawing at her insides and it’s making her feel sick. 

“Only a few.” 

Jihyo shifts from beside her to take a better look out the window and watches the countless actors, businessmen, models and other personalities take pictures at the entrance and then file into the grand hotel. 

“We’ll see you two in there?” Sana nods before opening the door and guiding Chaeyoung out towards the line of flashing cameras. 

Then it’s just the two of them left in the car. “You okay?” 

“I’m fine.” Jihyo looks at her and then she glances down at the fiddled-with necklace that’s tangled up a little. 

Jihyo reaches out with both hands, and delicately untangles the fragile swan chain. Her fingers tingle against her collarbones and Jeongyeon lets her draw a touch further up her skin. Jihyo rests her hand there, on the base of her neck and Jeongyeon tips her head into the touch; closes her eyes. 

“You ready?” Jeongyeon glances back down as she voices the question. 

“I’m ready if you are. Only if you are.” Unsaid meanings swell underneath Jihyo’s words. 

Silent questions about the night prior bubble and dissipate between them. 

The flashes are blinding as they open the door and Jeongyeon has to squint before turning around to take Jihyo’s hand. They lace their fingers together without much of a thought and file through the crowd. 

Momo is beside them with outstretched, protective arms.

It’s loud; so unbearably loud and she hopes it’s not obvious that she’s feeling off her game today but as Jihyo squeezes her hand for reassurance, she realises that it’s probably as clear as day.

She really should be speaking to the press, but she needs to get out of here. She needs to breathe. Jihyo’s eyes bore into her and then she’s being dragged further into the foyer and away from the commotion. 

“What’s up with you today?” Jihyo murmurs the question with caution and politely smiles to the recognisable faces that filter past them; just to maintain appearances. 

“Nothing.” Jeongyeon’s eyes flicker from person to person, painting to painting, chandelier to chandelier and she’s panicking. She feels so lost. So utterly lost and she has no idea what’s come over her but she needs Jihyo to tell her that she’s okay. 

“Jeong. Talk to me.” Jihyo’s fingers traipse up her arms and run comfortingly down her shoulders.

“I’m fine.” She’s not. She’s spent all of last night thinking about how Jihyo has rooted herself so boldly into her life and about how it’s going to tear so horrifically painfully at her very being once Jihyo up and leaves. 

She’s spent the last 24 hours thinking about how Jihyo makes her feel like she can finally breathe again and just the thought of losing her now is so suffocating. 

Jihyo guides them further behind a plant, in view of the grand staircase yet in hiding from the blinding flashes and deafening shouts at the entrance of the building. She watches from the corner of her eyes as women she vaguely recognises hold up their gowns walking up the stairs, and all giggle a little when one of their heels causes mishap.

“It’s me. Jeongyeon… It’s me. Talk to me.” 

“Do you mean everything you say?” The room spins a little when she finally looks up to meet Jihyo’s gaze; streaks of burgundy and bronze dizzying around the girl in front of her. 

“What?” Hands fall slowly back down her front and Jihyo’s touch sets her body alight. 

“Did you mean it? When you said it was easy to love me?” Something flashes in Jihyo’s eyes. It’s unrecognisable. Jeongyeon can’t make it out and it terrifies her because she likes to think that she’s become well versed in everything Jihyo. 

They’re too close. Jihyo is everywhere. Jihyo is tracing her eyes around her face, can feel her gaze on her lips and then she’s tracing a hand on the dips of her collarbones again and Jihyo is inescapable. 

Then she’s licking her lips, brushing down a crease in Jeongyeon’s dress, and fixing an unsteady glance back up at her. “Entirely too easy to love, Yoo Jeongyeon.” 

The room slows a little, blurs of burgundy becoming red and blurs of bronze becoming gold. Only when Jihyo leans her head back, does Jeongyeon realise she’s cornered the girl against the wall in front of her and they’re standing chest to chest with eyes blown wide. 

“Is that a bad thing?” One more thing. She just needs to know one more thing. 

Jihyo looks at her funny, with a contemplative tilt of her head that means she’s thinking about a question Jeongyeon hoped she wouldn’t even need to think about. 

“Depends on who it is you’re asking.” 

Jeongyeon wants to ask what she means but maybe this isn’t a conversation to have here. Jihyo doesn’t seem to think the same and instead looks between her eyes desperately as she asks: “What about me? Am I easy to love?” 

It’ll sound too much like confession, like she’s holding her hands out in front of her for Jihyo to take her rupturing heart and aching soul. But maybe Jihyo is giving her another chance; another chance to say what she should have said when Jihyo had gone through pictures of them on the red carpet and questioned whether she really is that good at acting. 

Because she’s not and she just wants to tell Jihyo now that it’d be impossible to fake just how easy it is to love her. 

A voice interrupts them and she’s scared that the room will start spinning again. They pull apart and there’s an indescribable distance between them. She’s missed another chance.

“Jihyo?” A blonde girl stolls graciously towards them and Jeongyeon immediately recognises the voice. And just when Jeongyeon thought the universe was beginning to weaken the weight on her back, it pulls this sick trick on her. Jeongyeon wants to laugh. 

Jihyo moves to hug the girl and Jeongyeon uses her now free hands to neaten her hair out, tuck a few strands behind her ears; because she doesn’t know what to do with herself otherwise. 

“You look amazing. I’m glad you actually listened to me last night when I said navy would be the way to go for a dress.” 

Jihyo laughs heartily and shuffles sidewards as if remembering that she’s not alone. “Oh Jeongyeon this is-”

“Mina. I know.” There’s a moment of stillness where the three girls digest the situation and Mina looks at her with a less than innocent smile. 

“Jeongyeon. You look well.” Mina nods shortly and Jihyo glances between them baffled. 

“You two know each other?” Jihyo sways a confused pointed finger as if trying to figure out exactly how they know one another. 

“We know each other very well.” There’s an unreadable tinge to Mina’s smile that makes Jeongyeon want to run away. Or yell or cry. She’s not sure which one. Maybe all of them.

Jihyo opens her mouth to question further but Jeongyeon takes her hand instead and notions up the stairs with a nod of her head to where Sana and Chaeyoung await. 

The blonde girl in the scarlet red dress follows their gaze and then turns to them with a nonchalant motion of her hand. “To the ballroom?” 

Jeongyeon nods wordlessly and then takes Jihyo’s hand in hers and walts past her. Jihyo entangles their fingers together, and briefly glances at her with curious eyes.

Mina walks behind them and Jeongyeon’s wonders whether the backless dress she has on is a little too risque. 

The rest of the night feels abnormal; like the universe has been titled further on its axis and there’s a sudden impending doom falling towards them. And if this overwhelming sense of foreboding holds any truth, Jeongyeon knows that it’ll come in the form of the blonde girl in the scarlet dress that’s been sending her charged glances across the room. 

Jeongyeon feels like the tide is about to come crashing down on her. It feels like everything has been dragged out to sea and now she’s just waiting for everything to come careening back in on them and even Jihyo’s presence next to her doesn’t do much to settle the anxiety.

Jihyo doesn’t move from her side the entire evening, even when she has to have in-depth, tedious conversations with industry insiders about her music. And when Jihyo does start conversations with the odd business figure here and there, it’s like there’s two different worlds between them. 

Jeongyeon thinks that maybe it’s better this way. It’ll make the impact less painful. And in all fairness, Jeongyeon hasn’t gotten a wink of sleep. Mina showing up also hasn’t done much to aid her mood, but with the amount of people staring at her now, Jeongyeon is starting to think that it’s becoming obvious. Perhaps it’ll be harder to distance herself from Jihyo than she thought without sending the press calling on their doorstep. 

Maybe it’s all too clear now that Jeongyeon is terrified. 

It’s nearly midnight now, and her slightly tipsy self allows Jihyo to drag her out into the quiet of the balcony. 

“What are you doing? Have you forgotten that we’re supposed to be a couple?” It’s panicked and Jihyo is usually so calm. Alarm bells ring in her ears even if the only noise out here is the billowing breaze. 

There’s no one around now, but Jeongyeon flinches. “We hold hands. We talk to each other. What else am I supposed to do?” 

Jihyo finally turns her entire body around to face Jeongyeon, right hand resting delicately on the railing. 

“For it to be convincing, we need to act like we’re in love.” Jihyo sighs and looks away from her. 

Jeongyeon wants to laugh but the anxious look on Jihyo’s face has her grappling. “Okay. Help me do better.” 

Jihyo slowly turns her head back around and Jeongyeon watches as unease settles into the tilt of her head, the shrug of her shoulders and the slow blinks of her eyes. 

“For this to work you need to touch me like I’m simply an extension of you.” 

Jeongyeon narrows her eyebrows in confusion. Her head is too clouded to think of the poetry of it all. 

Jihyo reaches out, takes Jeongyeon’s hand in her own and moves the older girl’s fingers towards her neck. She directs Jeongyeon’s touch across the dips of her collarbones, the tensing muscles on her neck and along her jaw. 

“Touch me like you’re in love with me. Like you know me.” Jihyo’s voice is barely above a whisper and Jeongyeon can feel her breath hitch in her throat everytime she traces a delicate finger across a new patch of skin. 

“But I do know you.” 

Jihyo’s eyes are wide as they flicker between Jeongyeon’s. And then she’s silently watching her as Jeongyeon moves her hand of her own volition to cradle her jaw again, her thumb caressing her cheek. She runs it along the side of her face and finally settles it against the corner of her mouth. 

Jeongyeon moves her finger subconsciously along Jihyo’s bottom lip, admiring her; because she knows her. Jeongyeon thinks back to the night on the rooftop, when Jihyo had said she was easy to love. And she thinks that the words felt like sugar on her lips then too. 

Jihyo clamps a flustered hand around her wrist and her eyes are blown wide, lips parted in shock. 

Her thumb still rests against her bottom lip but now her gaze flickers back up to Jihyo’s eyes and Jeongyeon feels like she’s been caught red handed. 

“If you know me, then why can’t you touch me like this when we’re out there.” Hurt drips from Jihyo’s lips and the pain settles in Jeongyeon’s heart. 

She hesitates because she knows that the truth will ruin them. 

“You know what? It doesn’t matter. Here, I’ll show you what to do to make it convincing.” Jihyo shrugs the hurt off her face.

“No, Jihyo listen-”

“Kiss me.” 

Jeongyeon stills, tries to subdue her racing heart. Jihyo is everywhere all at once and it all feels too much. “Jihyo I-”

But her words catch in her throat as she takes a proper look at the girl in front of her, hand still wrapped around her wrist, fingers scratching at her skin. Jihyo’s other hand is tugging at the fabric of her dress, knuckles white with frustration. 

“Do you trust me?” 

“What?” 

“ _I_ said, do you trust me?” Jihyo’s voice is desperate and it scares the life out of her. 

“Of course I trust you.” 

“Then believe me when I say that this won’t break us. I promise you it won’t break us.” Jihyo’s voice is cracking and splintering and Jeongyeon swears she can feel the aftermath, the debris of their breaking, dig into her skin. 

“I trust you.” But Jeongyeon doesn’t trust herself and she has no idea how to tell her that. 

“Remember. We’re supposed to be madly in love. So please Jeongyeon. Just kiss me.”

Something else swells underneath Jihyo’s words and Jeongyeon thinks she recognises it. Jihyo is looking at her like home and it’s so painful, beautiful and maddening at the same time. 

So Jeongyeon does just that. She lets her eyes graze over the moles dotted on Jihyo’s face, the dips of her neck and collarbones and her lips. And then one of Jihyo’s hands is scratching at the back of her neck, impatiently pulling her down to level with her.

And then she’s kissing her. 

Jeongyeon thinks her heart will give out; because it’s beating out of her chest and Jihyo is gasping at the force. 

Jihyo’s other hand tugs desperately at her hips, pulling her impossibly close and Jeongyeon pushes her against the balcony railing. 

She tries to cushion Jihyo’s back with her hand but the metal grates against her knuckles and cuts into her fingers and Jeongyeon winces. 

Jihyo pulls back with wide eyes. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” 

Jeongyeon shakes her head, pulling her hand away from in between Jihyo’s back and the balcony railing. It’s bleeding and Jihyo takes it to inspect it. Her touch suddenly burns and Jihyo holding her hand like this feels so familiar and foreign at the same time. 

“My back would’ve survived the railing Jeongyeon, you didn’t have to do that. _Christ_ look at the cut.” Jeongyeon can feel Jihyo’s breath fan against her face as she says this and she leans a tiny bit closer so that their noses are touching again. 

Jihyo stops talking, instead tilting her head up slightly as if to encourage the older girl. 

She can feel her heart pulsing in her lips and in her neck and her heart beats like a drum in her ears. 

Jeongyeon doesn’t know where the confidence suddenly comes from - maybe it’s in the way Jihyo is looking at her like that, or maybe it’s in the way she’s managed to shut Jihyo up with a simple move. 

“ _Remind me exactly how I should kiss you_?” And Jeongyeon kisses her again. This time it’s a lot gentler and Jihyo’s hands travel up to her neck, scratching at the skin below her ear. 

Jeongyeon finds herself pushing Jihyo against the balcony railing again, softly this time, and she relishes in the way Jihyo’s hands grasp at her dress, her waist and then run through her hair in shock. 

Then Jihyo is biting and the silent breeze is replaced with a whimper. Jeongyeon thinks her heart might explode because Jihyo’s touch is everywhere. Jeongyeon’s hand rests on the small of her back and she pulls her closer, curving her body into hers and she lets Jihyo fall into her. 

Memories of the night of the party - the night they first met - comes crashing down on them. Jeongyeon remembers the way Jihyo had cradled her jaw with a tender hand and she reaches up now, and feels that same hand delicately holding her face. 

She remembers Jihyo biting into the kiss and Jeongyeon has to suppress a gasp now (unsuccessfully) when Jihyo takes her bottom lip between her teeth for a split second. 

She remembers Jihyo kissing her fast and hard and breathlessly and it feels like they’ve jumped back in time to when they barely knew each other; yet now Jihyo is kissing her with just as much fervour. And this time, they know each other. 

She can feel Jihyo’s hand traipse down her dress, dance across her exposed back and then move to crawl up her front. It feels like she’s on fire and her lungs are burning and she needs air but she can’t face the thought of letting go. 

Jihyo stands on her tippy toes a little and Jeongyeon knows so because she’s suddenly lifting a few inches higher, pushing ever so desperately against her. Jihyo kisses her deeper, if that’s even possible and it finally feels like the tide has drawn in on them. Jeongyeon feels like she’s drowning in all things Jihyo and it drives her wild. It drives her absolutely crazy, the way Jihyo whimpers ever so slightly when Jeongyeon runs a hand behind the girls neck and tugs on the back of her hair a little. 

This feels a lot more than just practise - if that’s ever what it was. They’re absolutely taken with each other, like everything that’s been built up since they signed that contract has come crashing down and all that‘s left now is two aching hearts. 

They slow for a second, kissing languidly like they’re about to run out of each other, saving every kiss to memory. Jeongyeon cradles her neck, scratching the skin there. “Jeongyeon” Jihyo murmurs against her lips and Jeongyeon swallows the voice.

Jihyo kisses her hard again like she can’t take the thought of stopping, of breathing anything but Jeongyeon, and Jeongyeon lets her. She lets her crawl a hand over her collarbones, teeter down her chest a little. “Jeong-”

Jeongyeon can’t help but smile against her lips and the action pulls them back down to earth. They pull away, breathless. 

Their eyes are blown wide and Jeongyeon’s tongue is peeking out of her mouth subconsciously, lips tingling. She watches as Jihyo’s eyes follow the action.

“Well, I think that’s… pretty convincing.” Jeongyeon’s voice is hoarse, grates against her throat and Jihyo is looking at her in a way she’s never seen before. 

“Yeah.” The wind brushes away at her words and her hair. Jeongyeon wants to reach out to fix it for her, but thinks that she’s done enough damage already. 

They stand staring at each other for what feels like a lifetime but in reality is approximately 10 seconds. Then Sana is peering into the balcony, unaware of the tension stoked in the air between them, and calling for Jihyo because there’s apparently a business partner who’s been asking to talk to her all evening. 

Jeongyeon lets her go and Jihyo takes one last glance behind her before letting Sana pull her into a tipsy hug and further into the ballroom. 

She knows now that Jihyo will break her heart. 

+

“Does she know?” 

Mina offers her a cigarette to which Jeongyeon shakes her head. “Apparently not.” 

Mina takes a drag, blows out the rest of the smoke and turns to her with a playful roll of her eyes. “She must.”

“Don’t you think she would have said something by now if she did?” 

“I know I’ve been a shit friend these past few years but I’ve still kept her in the loop about my life. There’s no way she doesn’t have a clue.” 

Jeongyeon doesn’t bother responding because it’s just like Mina to stir the pot really. 

“I had a feeling you were the mutual friend that introduced Sana and Jihyo.”

“Sana didn’t tell you?” Mina snorts in amusement as if Jeongyeon’s misery is the funniest thing in the world.

“Well now that I’m standing next to you again I can see why she didn’t.” 

Mina had weaved her way onto the balcony shortly after Jihyo left. And there’s only so many excuses Jeongyeon can dish out without Mina knowing that she’s simply just trying to avoid her. 

“You can’t hate me forever Jeongyeon.” 

“I don’t hate you.” 

“I find that hard to believe.”

Jeongyeon looks away, because now that Mina is looking at her again, she realises that this is the girl who once knew the real version of her too. And she can probably still read her like an open book.

“I don’t. I could never hate you.” And it’s true. Jeongyeon could never hate Mina. Not when she taught her what it was like to be seen for who she really was. 

The breeze is cold now, so Jeongyeon forgives Mina for moving a little too close.

“If it’s any consolation, I never hated you, Jeongyeon. Not really.” It’s an admission Jeongyeon never thought she’d hear. 

“You should. Hate me, I mean.” 

They were too young to understand that this industry would inevitably crush them. 

“Confessing to the company about us was all you could do to save your career. What else were you supposed to do?” Mina’s eyebrows furrow in confusion as she glances up at her and Jeongyeon wants to dig a hole and bury herself in it because Mina’s only crime was loving her more than she was worthy of and she was too selfish to realise it. 

“Doesn’t really excuse me ratting you out. I’m sorry for everything. I really am.” 

Mina raises the cigarette to her face again. “I still think it was stupid of the company to give you an ultimatum like that. You’re practically married to your job, I don’t see how kicking me out was going to make any difference.” 

“I guess that’s just what happens when two of their best trainees end up secretly dating each other. It was irresponsible of us now that I think back to it.”

“Maybe for you. Don’t forget that 18 year old me was very much in love with you.” Mina smirks and points a teasing glare at her. Then she flinches a little and glances away again. “Even if you weren’t.”

Jeongyeon chuckles shortly, just to lighten the air, and then lets the reality of it come crashing back down on her. “I’m sorry you had to let go of your dreams like that. Really. I’d like to think things would have been different if I had to make that decision now.” 

“You didn’t love me like I loved you and that’s okay Jeongyeon. You were too young to have to make a decision like that.” Mina shakes her head and stubs the cigarette out on the balcony ledge, throwing it out into the depths below them. 

“I thought I was finished for, Mina - when the company found out about us. I thought my only saving grace was letting you take the fall for it, and I’m a horrible person for that.” 

“It’s past us now. Maybe it was meant to be - me leaving and going to college instead. I think our friendship had become a little too suffocating. Right?” Mina offers her a soft questioning smile. 

Jeongyeon nods.

“You’re too good Jeongyeon.” Mina sighs as if it pains her to look at her. Jeongyeon swears she’s heard that somewhere before. 

“Don’t say that.” All Jeongyeon can see is Jihyo’s tired, begging eyes seared into the back of her head - trying to convince her that the world doesn’t deserve her. 

“I know now that I could never do what you do. You need someone to hold your hand along the way sometimes. You know that right? You’d let yourself have that, wouldn’t you?” Mina asks like there’s a million possible answers to that question and she’s scared of every single one of them. 

She takes a long despairing look at Jeongyeon.

“You don’t have to punish yourself for what you did to me. Please know that.” Mina’s voice cracks and Jeongyeon practically feels the world collapse along with it. 

“I know that.” Jeongyeon whispers; bows her head. 

“I don’t think you do.” 

Jeongyeon looks up again and meets Mina’s sad eyes. 

“I’ve dated my fair share of people-”

“That doesn’t count. PR stunts don’t count.”

“Well, Jihyo isn’t just a PR stunt.” Jeongyeon knows Mina can hear the desperation in her voice, like she’s trying to convince her that she has let someone else love her. 

Mina’s eyes widen at the confession. “So don’t treat her like one.”

“What?” Jeongyeon can’t for the life of her understand what kind of direction this conversation is taking and she’s realising now that Mina can still, in fact, read her like an open book. 

“I’ve been friends with Jihyo for as long as I had you, Jeongyeon. I know her well enough to see right through her. She talks about you like you put stars in the sky. Did you know that?”

The thought of Jihyo talking about her, listening to her or thinking about her even when she’s not there stokes a sparking fire in her stomach. She didn’t know that. And now she doesn’t know what to say.

“I forgave you a long time ago. So I want to ask just one favour of you before I leave tonight. Will you let me have that?” Mina moves a little closer. 

“Sure.” Jeongyeon isn’t sure she’s spoken loud enough for Mina to hear her but then the younger girl is nodding anyway. 

“Please. Let yourself have this.” Mina doesn’t wait for her to respond. Instead she moves to plant a gentle kiss on Jeongyeon’s cheek, takes a second to admire her and then brushes past her and disappears back into the ballroom. 

Jeongyeon spends the rest of the night talking with strangers who claim to know everything about her and she doesn’t see Jihyo for the remaining hours. The only confirmation she receives that Jihyo is actually alive is a message from Sana apologising for leaving her at the event, attached with a video of Jihyo and Mina drunkenly singing in the back of a dark car. 

Jeongyeon tries her best to ignore Sana’s following message claiming that Jihyo had drunk her weight in whatever transparent spirit had been handed to her in the time after exiting the balcony. 

Jeongyeon texts back a simple ‘ **let me know when ur home** ’ and swallows the water she had poured for herself in a last ditch effort to sober up a little. 

It’s 3am by the time the waiters begin to clear up the ballroom and Chaeyoung appears out of thin air with a friendly, reliant embrace. She drags her down the grand red carpeted steps, and they both chuckle when a little gust of wind has them teetering over the curb. 

Jeongyeon finds herself on the verge of falling asleep with her head against the car window. Even if the vibrations of the car are due to set off a headache. 

Her phone lights up in her hands, a message from Sana letting her know they’re all safe. And then a message from Jihyo: 

[Ji] ARe you coming home??@@# 

+

"You promised me. You promised me you wouldn’t hurt her. And yet here we are, looking at headline after headline about Jihyo being just another doormat for the infamous Yoo Jeongyeon to tread all over.” 

“Nayeon.”

“ _No_. You promised.” Nayeon’s finger strikes her chest and Jeongyeon just wants to cry. She can’t lose them. She can’t lose Tzuyu. She can’t lose Nayeon. She cannot lose Jihyo.

“I’ve known Mina for years. We used to be friends. We were just talking. Catching up. This isn’t what it looks like.” 

“The pictures tell another story though don’t they.” A horrible, cold laugh erupts from Nayeon’s chest and Jeongyeon should’ve guessed that it was only a matter of time before reality came barreling back into her life with a backstabbing knife in hand. 

“It was a kiss to my cheek. Nothing more. That’s what the pictures show.” 

“Why would anyone spin it differently then? Why would anyone care to post this story if all it was, was a friendly kiss on the cheek.” 

“Because that’s just the way it goes. I don’t know!”

“Well figure it out!” Nayeon lets out a shaky breath, staring at her like she doesn’t recognise her. “Figure it out.” Nayeon whispers like she’s given up.

Jeongyeon thinks she might throw up.

“I- I can’t. I don’t-” Jeongyeon places pressured fingers against her temples because now her head is throbbing and Nayeon is looking at her like that. Like she knows what she’s really thinking. 

Everything spins - The room. The newly taken polaroid photos on the walls; the ones where Nayeon had taken out the camera and shoved it into everyone’s faces because she wanted to take cute ‘vintage’ pictures. The countless awards that scatter her shelves. The invitations to parties that are pinned to her fridge; the ones Sana personally sticks around the kitchen with the magnets Chaeyoung buys her because she knows that Jeongyeon doesn’t bother much with social events unless she’s forced out the house. 

Everything dizzies around them - Jihyo’s favourite blanket folded neatly and placed on the side of the sofa. Jihyo’s jigglypuff plush that Jeongyeon won for her at an arcade a while ago. The red sweatshirt that Jihyo wears constantly; the one she has claimed as her own now. 

There’s a high pitched ringing in her ears that won’t cease and suddenly it feels like she’s drowning. 

“-yeon. Jeongyeon. Calm down. I’m here.” Nayeon’s hands wrap around her wrists and the pulsing in her head only seems to get worse. 

But she breathes. Nayeon hasn’t left. Not yet. So she breathes.

“I’m sorry. God I’m sorry. I’m just scared for her. Talk to me Jeong.” 

“I can’t lose her.” Her words roll in her stomach as she voices her fears aloud. 

“You won’t lose her.” Nayeon replies instantly. And it scares her how Nayeon knows exactly who she’s talking about. 

“But all I’m going to do is hurt her. My world will hurt her.” A crack in her voice opens up a bursting bubble of pain in her chest and this was only bound to happen. 

There’s a resounding silence. 

Nayeon’s breath halts. “God… You’re _in love with her_.” 

And there it is. The words pulse around the apartment, burst through her ears again and now Jeongyeon genuinely does think she will throw up. Jeongyeon can’t bring herself to look up at Nayeon, not when the older girl’s hands move carefully to tidy her hair; wipe the tears falling off her chin. There’s not much else to say, especially when Jeongyeon can’t bring herself to say the words on her own.

“I promise. I promise that you’ll be okay.” Nayeon seems so sure of herself, Jeongyeon almost believes her. 

“You can’t make promises like that.” 

“I can. I can make promises like that.” 

“You can’t. Because you don’t know that.” 

“I do though. I know you Jeongyeon. And I know Jihyo…” Jeongyeon finally looks up to meet Nayeon’s eyes. “ _You should see the way she looks at you_.” Nayeon whispers.

Jeongyeon lets Nayeon stay the night; doesn’t mind too much when Nayeon hugs her to sleep. 

She leaves in the morning with a promise that she keeps her promises. And Jeongyeon finds herself back in the company conference room that afternoon, Jihyo nowhere to be seen. 

+

“Will you tell Jihyo to answer her fucking phone.” Dahyun paces around the room, stressful hands carding through hair and messy work clothes giving away her lack of sleep. 

“What makes you think she’s answering my calls if she isn’t answering yours of all people.”

“She can’t hide from this forever. We’re declining the rumours about you and Mina so the two of you are going to have no choice but to make a public appearance together soon regardless.”

“It’s awful brave of the company to decline the rumours when pictures of us as trainees are already being leaked.” Jeongyeon is fed up. She can never catch a break and all she wants to do is runaway. 

“Jeongyeon.” Dahyun stops in her stride and points a stern finger in her direction. “You _cannot_ afford another scandal like this. Do you realise that?”

“I realise that I don’t think I can do this anymore.” Her vision doubles and Jeongyeon doesn’t even have the strength to refocus her eyes.

“What?”

“Nothing. Nothing.” 

A deafening silence engulfs the room and Jeongyeon wishes she could just sing, for god's sake. That’s all she has ever wanted to do; sing. But she supposes that all of this comes with a price and now she’s paying for it. She wonders whether Jihyo has been in contact with Mina since the articles were published. They are friends after all. 

“Go home and get some sleep Jeongyeon. You can’t work like this.” Dahyun sighs and walks out of the room like she has the answer to all of their problems. 

Jeongyeon feels selfish, because she’s realising now that she’s dragged everyone into one major mess. Mina will be dragged back into a world she thought she had escaped from. And Jihyo will be dragged into a world that doesn't deserve her.

+

“Do you think it would help a little if you actually got out of the bed?” Nayeon stands over her with a glass of water, serving her a deadpan glare along with it. 

“You have Sana worried sick.” Nayeon sits on the edge of her bed, admiring her room for a second; the rustic modern timber panels of her walls and the glistening awards that clutter her shelves. 

“And I don’t have you worried sick then?” Jeongyeon teases and takes the water from the older girl’s hands. 

Nayeon turns with an incredulous look on her face. “I know very well that you’re fine. What do I have to worry about?”

“I don’t know. What’s Sana worried for?” The water is probably the healthiest thing she’s had all week. 

“Sana’s worried because she’s never seen you act like such a lovesick puppy before. And I’m not worried because I know you're just being your stroppy self.” Drops of water spill onto the duvet covers and Nayeon snatches the glass of water from her hand as if caring for a 5 year old child that can’t seem to keep their mess to themselves. Nayeon snorts lightly and then places the glass back onto the bedside table. 

“I am not.” 

“You are not what? Acting like a lovesick puppy or stroppy?” Nayeon smirks and lies back, taking over the rest of the space on the bed. Jeongyeon’s legs remain paralysed under her weight and she lets out a great sigh that echoes across the room. 

“Neither. I’m just having a shit week.”

“We’re all having a shit week. Jihyo just wants space, Jeongyeon. I think it’s gotten all too much for her. Please understand that.” Jeongyeon is reminded again of how she’s failed to protect Jihyo from the heat of it all despite her promises. 

Maybe she’s made a nasty habit of it - breaking promises. 

“I know.”

“Come on. Get up. You actually have things to do today.” 

“Don’t remind me.” 

“I am here for the sole purpose of reminding you.” Nayeon quirks her eyebrows up and then physically forces her from the bed, pulling her arm practically out of its socket. “Dahyun says she can’t stand the sight of you rotting away in your room so she sent me.” 

Jeongyeon slides onto the floor and sighs because it’s starting to seem like there really isn’t much point. 

“See? Stroppy.” Nayeon huffs and walks out of the room. “Get up Jeongyeon, you have to make it to hair and make up within the hour.” 

It’s been 2 weeks since the gala and 13 days since she last heard from Jihyo. Honestly, Jeongyeon had thought about physically going over to Jihyo’s place just to explain, but Nayeon’s (non-threatening) threats over the phone to have a restraining order put on her if she did so was enough to convince Jeongyeon that maybe she should have a little patience. 

And yet, her phone buzzing on the bedside table is more of a convincing factor for Jeongyeon to actually get off the floor than Nayeon’s parading through the house declaring every room a war on hygiene.

[ **Myoui** ] **You unblocked this contact. Good luck on the radio broadcast today.**

**[ **Jeongyeon** ] **thanks. hope ur well. call if u need anything** **

**[ **Myoui** ] **I’m okay. But if it’s any consolation, I spoke with Jihyo the other day. It’s just a lot for her. I meant it when I said I don’t know how you do it.** **

**[ **Jeongyeon** ] **u get used to it i guess****

**[ **Myoui** ] **I also meant it when I said to let yourself have this.** **

Jeongyeon pulls the phone away from her eyes for a second, and searches the walls of her room for an answer; a response to Mina’s quiet pleas for her to let herself be happy. 

**[ **Jeongyeon** ] **well jihyo hasn’t spoken to me since. so :/****

**[ **Myoui** ] **Give her time. You don’t owe me anything, but if you ever feel like you do, then you owe this to me; to let yourself have Jihyo.****

Jeongyeon sighs, wonders whether she should run to the company building and have the executives sign the infamous Myoui Mina back under contract as a songwriter because every single digital digit on her phone screen feels like they’re striking a burning flame in the pits of her stomach. 

**[ **Jeongyeon** ] **i’ll see what i can do :D****

**[ **Myoui** ] **I am being very serious Yoo.****

**[ **Jeongyeon** ] **i know. speak to u soon ?****

Jeongyeon throws the phone onto the floor, feeling the weight of the day’s responsibilities fly away with it. That is until Nayeon comes parading back into the room with a framed picture of them all on a drunken night out, Nayeon face down on the ground in the background. 

“ _What the fuck is this?_ ” 

+

“Realistically, Dahyun should have had you two meet up to talk things through before this schedule but I guess it adds a little drama seeing each other again on national tv huh?” Nayeon’s sarcasm is the only thing Jeongyeon can hear over the hum of the car and it’s not exactly comforting. 

Nayeon pulls her car into the next road, already spotting the countless cameras and reporters stationed outside the television centre. 

“Ah shit. I’ll pull into the side entrance since they seem to have both the front and back entrances infested.” Nayeon tugs on the indicator but Jeongyeon is pretty sure she can see Dahyun’s car ahead and a lost Jihyo weaving through the crowd. 

“Wait.” Jeongyeon’s hand stops Nayeon from turning the wheel. 

"What?” 

“Pull up near the crowd.” 

“Are you crazy?” Nayeon has a frown etched into her face that Jeongyeon would otherwise be laughing at if it wasn’t for the streak of red hair struggling through the herds of people ahead of them. 

"Just do it".

“So you _are_ crazy.” Nayeon sighs but then she stares ahead of her with narrowed eyes. Jeongyeon guesses she must see it too, the streak of red hair, because Nayeon jerks the car forward way too fast and then screeches to a halt a few feet from the only other car parked outside the studio. Faces turn around in shock. 

“Thanks Nayeon. _Seriously_.” It’s sincere and she hopes Nayeon realises that. 

Nayeon watches her expressionless, like she’s trying to figure her out and Jeongyeon doesn’t have time to thank her for being such a good friend, a literal shoulder to cry on, someone Jeongyeon likes to think she’ll know for a very long time. 

She swings the car door open, rushing past unrecognisable faces who don’t seem to catch on exactly who is walking past them in time. Jihyo lets out a tiny ‘excuse me’ to the people in front of her, who ultimately don’t hear or listen. 

Jeongyeon catches her arm and Jihyo turns around terrified. Her eyes widen when she realises exactly what’s happening. They haven’t seen each other for a while, and the first sight Jihyo gets of her again is Jeongyeon with a hood over her head, tired eyes and a frustrated frown planted on her face. 

“Walk. Quick.” Jeongyeon mutters, throwing an arm over Jihyo’s shoulder and pulling her close into her side. Jihyo sinks into the hold and Jeongyeon tries desperately not to think about how the last time they were this close, Jihyo was pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. 

“Jeongyeon! Is it true you and Myoui Mina were childhood sweethearts?” 

“Are you and Jihyo still an item!?” 

Questions hurtle towards them and Jeongyeon swears she can feel them lodge in her chest. 

The crowd suddenly disappears and Jeongyeon realises that they’ve managed to make it inside the building without her even really consciously thinking about it. Jeongyeon ignores the countless people knocking on the glass windows and turns to Dahyun who’s standing ahead of them. 

“What the hell was that?” Jeongyeon doesn’t mean to sound breathless or angry but it comes out anyway. 

“No one was supposed to be at the back entrance. I got pushed away and Momo took me in here. I hadn’t meant for that to happen Jihyo.” Dahyun sends an apologetic gaze her way and then returns to look at the clipboard in her arms. 

“She could have been hurt!” It rushes out of her mouth. She’s not angry at Dahyun. She could never be angry at her. But the remnants of panic flood out of her in the form of rigid words and a desperate stare. 

Jihyo looks up at her with wide eyes and Jeongyeon realises now that she still has an arm around the girl, pulling her into her side tightly. Jeongyeon glances quickly her way, almost scared to take in the sight and lets go slowly, as if moving too fast will startle her. 

“I’d never intentionally put Jihyo in harm's way, I’m sorry that happened out there okay? I need you to relax before the show today Jeongyeon.” Dahyun eyes her warily. 

Guilt snakes around her throat and Jeongyeon has to swallow hard to get rid of the dryness. “I should get ready.” Dahyun lets her go and Jeongyeon pretends she doesn’t feel Jihyo watching her walk away. 

Jeongyeon tries desperately not to think about having to sit next to Jihyo for the next hour pretending as if everything is okay. She tries desperately not to stare when Jihyo joins her in the waiting room with jeans and a leather jacket that have Jeongyeon staring anyway. 

Jihyo turns around like she has some kind of Jeongyeon alarm built into the inside of her head and Jeongyeon looks away as soon as their eyes meet. The door handle suddenly looks very interesting. 

“Thanks for that out there.” Jihyo is in front of her, with nervous eyes and a stilted smile - one that’s barely a smile. 

Jeongyeon doesn’t respond for a second - has to take in the sight of Jihyo in front of her in physical form for the first time in what feels like an eternity. 

“You don’t have to thank me.” Jeongyeon shakes her head and looks away like she’s desperate to get into the studio. 

“I do.” Jihyo stares. And then opens her mouth to speak again but Dahyun rushes up beside them. 

“The set is clear for filming now. You guys will be fine. Jihyo I know you don’t have too much media training but just follow Jeong’s lead and you should be okay.” Dahyun tries a smile but it’s nervous and unsettling. 

They both nod and Jeongyeon watches as Dahyun melts from manager form into the close friend she needs, reaching out with a strong hand and wrapping it around her arm. “Everything will be okay. You can still do this.” Jeongyeon looks down at the hand and looks back up with a sombre smile. “Thanks Dahyun.” 

Dahyun nods slowly, like she’s scared for her for some reason and it unnerves Jeongyeon. 

It unnerves her also, how she manages to fall back into her idol persona. She thinks it unnerves Jihyo too, because she follows behind her with a confused, polite smile and lingering gazes. Jeongyeon can tell Jihyo is staring, observing her as she laughs along with one of the hosts lame jokes. It must be jarring. Watching her walk into the building under a hood and matching dark circles under her eyes and then now, watching her talk animatedly with these people who don’t know anything about her. 

Jeongyeon takes a glance at her when Jihyo introduces herself. And Jihyo is already staring at her like she doesn’t recognise her. 

=“You lied.” Jihyo leans in closer, whispering so that none of the hosts or crew can hear. They’re sitting down now, waiting for filming to begin. 

Jeongyeon stills, the blanket she was fixing over her legs falling to the ground. 

“What?” The host beside them turns slightly to offer a polite smile and then continues with her conversation along the panel. The lights ahead of them turn on, blinding her for a second and Jeongyeon has to squint to grasp her bearings. The yellow desk in front of them seems so far away all of a sudden. 

“I said, you lied.” There’s a cold edge to Jihyo’s voice that makes her want to hide under said desk. If it wasn’t for Jihyo sitting practically up against her now, her chest pressing into her side, Jeongyeon might have admired the pretty retro set of the show: the purple neon lights running around them, the yellow desks and tv screens playing her latest music video around them. 

Jeongyeon lowers her head, tilts it so that half her face is hidden by her hair but so she can meet Jihyo’s gaze nonetheless. “What are you talking about?” 

Jihyo’s jaw sets frustratedly, glaring down at her with upset angry eyes that Jeongyeon does not, for the life of her, understand. 

“You told me you weren’t a good actor, that acting never came naturally to you.” 

“And I didn’t lie. Please tell me what about that was a lie?” 

“You become a very different person with a click of your fingers. You change so quickly I feel like I don’t recognise you.” Jihyo’s eyes glaze over and Jeongyeon realises that they’re having this conversation in between people they’re supposed to convince of their unshakable relationship. 

Jeongyeon realises now as well that this has everything to do with the last two weeks of radio silence, the chaste kiss Mina pressed to her cheek that the whole world believed was something more - even Jihyo, probably. 

“Stop. Don’t tell me I’m someone I’m not. Don’t do that.” The words fall out hard and fast and Jihyo stares like she genuinely doesn’t know her. 

“10 seconds to air!” A shout jumps them apart, Jihyo no longer pressed against her and the studio descends into a red hue. 

Once the red hue dissipates, Jeongyeon tries not to be too alarmed by the fact that the presenter’s voices are suddenly muted and the desk in front of her is shimmering a weird static pattern. 

Jihyo’s hand finds her thigh, squeezing into bare skin below her skirt. Jeongyeon jumps. 

“-yeon it's great to have you back here and with a very special person, no doubt.” The red lights on the camera’s topple the question into her field of hearing. 

Reality falls through her chest and the only thing grounding her is Jihyo’s delicate fingers now drawing circles against her skin. Jihyo knows her so well - especially for someone who was claiming not to recognise her a mere minute ago. 

She falls into character and the gears tick in her head. She worries that she’s only proving Jihyo’s point - plastering this fake smile on her face, granting the hosts an unwavering gaze and a polite tone. But this is her job. 

“I wouldn’t want to have anyone else by my side.” She gives Jihyo as best of a loving glance as she can muster considering Jihyo was just staring at her like she was looking at a stranger precisely 55 seconds ago. 

Jeongyeon lets herself laugh, lets herself lean into Jihyo, lets herself pretend. For the sake of their contractual agreement; of course. And it seems to work. All the crew and cast look on at them like they’re a pair of soulmates and Jeongyeon nearly believes it. She nearly believes that this is really what they are: delicate touches, soft smiles and amused smirks. 

Maybe that’s what they never were. Jeongyeon feels the horrible need to hurl at the thought; that any of what they were was fake. 

All of a sudden a crew member behind the camera is signalling 10 minutes till the end of the show and Jeongyeon doesn’t remember Jihyo’s hand grasping at her thigh under the desk for the entirety of filming. But Jihyo’s scratching fingers painting heartache on her skin seems to remind her regardless. Jeongyeon listens with a small proud smile as Jihyo lands a joke about her stealing that red sweater. “It was her favourite sweater apparently as well.” 

"You have to really love someone to let them have your favourite sweater.” 

“Oh it’s true I could not let anyone have my favourite hoodie!” There’s a chorus of laughter and agreement from the hosts. 

“Now that we’re on the topic, you have to tell us who said I love you first.” Another chorus of agreeing hums buzz the air and Jeongyeon knows they should have come up with a cover story. They should have agreed on certain tales and cute milestones in their relationship to tell but now that she thinks about it, she supposes they never had to do that because they could just talk about their friendship - pass it on as the relationship they’re supposed to be in. 

But now Jeongyeon doesn’t know what to say. “Oh um.” Jihyo looks at her with a caught out, wide gaze and Jeongyeon knows that with the amount of eyes on them, waiting for the answer, Jeongyeon has to be the one to explain. 

“It was me.” Jeongyeon glances around at the awaiting faces, down the camera to the likely millions of viewers analysing their every move and then to Dahyun behind the set biting her lip nervously. 

It has to be believable. So Jeongyeon stops pretending. 

“It was one of those moments where you love someone so much that it hurts to hold it in. It hurts not to tell the universe that, this is my person. Do you know what I mean?” Her voice lilts weirdly at the end because she’s about to turn to Jihyo’s wide eyes again and she knows that Jihyo will know the truth once she does. 

She turns her head slowly, taking in Jihyo’s surprised eyes, her slightly rapid breathing and eyebrows knitted together. Jihyo’s hand claws almost painfully into her thigh now, nails almost breaking skin. 

Jeongyeon wants so badly to just stop pretending - so she opts for as close to the truth as she can. 

“I told her I love her when she turned up to my apartment one night, soaking wet and shivering from the rain. I won’t bore you with the details…” Jeongyeon smiles for the cameras but it comes out painful, like she’s about to cry. 

She perseveres “But it was a moment where I knew she chose me, despite all my flaws. And I just wanted her to know that I would choose her over and over and over again no matter what.” The truth. 

An ensemble of awws and swooning erupts from the audience. She turns to Jihyo, a blazing blush burning her cheeks and the sight sets alight a tickling, aching feeling in her stomach. 

They stare at each other for what feels like an eternity and it’s dangerous - having someone who makes you forget the world like this. 

“Oh look they’re so caught up in their own little world, they didn’t even catch your question!” One host cackles in the direction of another. 

“Oh sorry, what did you say?” Jeongyeon turns away, well aware of Jihyo still staring at her and inching her hand further up her leg. The action propels her back to that night, Jihyo crawling a hand under her skirt, cloaked by the darkness of the raging party around them. It makes her breathless - how they were strangers then and now they’re here and Jeongyeon is in love with the girl that uses soft smiles, teasing smirks and playful, delicate touches to reel her in; successfully so. 

“When did Jihyo tell you she loves you?” 

All eyes are glued to them, like they’re watching a love story blossom in front of them. Jeongyeon turns slowly to Jihyo who now looks around at the hosts. “That same night. I realised that Jeong has changed me for the better. That’s the kind of love everyone is looking for right? The kind that’s life changing.” Jihyo offers a shaky smile to the audience. 

And just as their claps threaten to cut them off Jihyo continues. “So life changing that it wouldn’t be a life I wanted without her. She told me she was proud of me. And that’s all I’ve ever wanted.” Jihyo turns to her now with eyes that threaten to finally crack open the truth between them. “Someone to be proud of me, no matter what. Someone who feels like home.” 

Jihyo’s hand stops. It squeezes at whatever skin she can grasp at and Jeongyeon feels her heart throb in her throat. It feels like the world stops spinning, literally. Jeongyeon misses whatever the presenters begin talking about. Jihyo’s head stutters for a second and then she looks away to join in with whatever everyone is laughing about. Jeongyeon is scared that if she looks away, Jihyo will disappear before her - that the words will climb back down Jihyo’s throat like she never said them. 

Then everyone is waving at the camera’s and Jeongyeon realises she’s been staring for too long. She waves too, plasters a lopsided smile on her face and lets out a shaky breath. 

“It was great seeing you again Jeongyeon, and meeting you of course Jihyo.” One of the hosts bows next to them and Jeongyeon returns the pleasantries. 

They bid goodbye, thank the crew and Jeongyeon practically speed walks to where Dahyun is standing in the waiting room with Jihyo trailing behind her. 

She’s just about to open her mouth to beg Dahyun to take her home but a desperate hand wraps around her arm before she gets the chance and Jeongyeon is turned around as fast as lightning to face a confused Jihyo. 

“Don’t you dare lie to me again.” Jihyo’s words are loud and come crashing into her chest like she’s just been rammed by a bull. 

“Keep your voice down.” Dahyun warns. 

“What?” 

“Don’t you dare lie to my face ever again.” Jihyo is seething, eyes glowing with an anger Jeongyeon can’t even begin to register. 

“Stop.” 

“No. Everything you’ve ever told me is a lie. You told me the first night we met, that you’ve never been in love and then Mina comes waltzing in and apparently the both of you were childhood sweethearts sneaking around during your trainee days. You said that night on the balcony that you know me but the next second Mina was all up in your space. You said out there that you choose me. And yet I know that you don’t. Yoo Jeongyeon would never choose me.” Jihyo’s voice cracks and splinters and decays in the space between them. Opening up a space in the truth that Jeongyeon is not sure they’ll be able to stitch together. 

It sounds so much like Jihyo is trying to convince herself of this falsified reality - even if Nayeon and Tzuyu and Mina have all tried to talk to her about the truth. Jeongyeon doesn’t understand why and it terrifies her. 

Jihyo promised that it wouldn’t break them. But they’re standing opposite each other now and Jeongyeon can feel the splinters and shivers of whatever they were, scratch at her arm. The aftermath of them breaks in her hands and Jeongyeon watches it happen before her eyes. 

She watches Jihyo screw her eyes shut, like the sight of Jeongyeon in front of her is too painful; like she’s trying to wish her away. 

“I didn’t lie. None of that was a lie-” 

“Stop. I don’t need to hear it. I really don’t.” Jihyo finally looks up and all she is is a blurry mass in front of her before Jeongyeon has the strength to wipe the tears away from the corners of her eyes. Why doesn’t she need to hear it? All Jeongyeon needs is to tell her. 

“Please. Please Jihyo. Let me explain.” She’s begging. Desperation claws at her throat. 

“Not right now. The agreement ends in a couple weeks. Maybe we should just let it happen. I signed the contract. The one my parents put in front of me. They built this life for me. I have no choice but to live it.” 

The confession blows her apart and Jeongyeon says the one thing she so desperately needs to tell her. “I can’t lose you.” It comes out as a whisper and Jeongyeon knows now that she was right. Jihyo will break her heart in the end. 

“I think it’s too late for that Jeong.” The nickname makes her lips quiver. Jihyo reaches up slowly and wipes the tears away from her mouth. Jihyo gently runs her thumb over Jeongyeon’s lip, running the dancing tear drops away from soft skin. 

It tastes like salt on her lips. 

\+ 

Maybe she deserves this. Maybe this is the price to pay for the life she’s won. Whatever she deserves, it’s not Jihyo. 

“It’ll get better Jeong. Everything will fall into place in the end.” Sana pushes her hair behind her ears, caresses the loose strands through her fingers and lets Jeongyeon fall asleep in her lap. 

She doesn’t know how long she’s knocked out for but it must be long enough to have her waking up feeling like she’s been concussed. 

“Sana, go home. I’ll take it from here.” 

“I’m not leaving her.” Sana’s voice erupts from the silence with a whispered crack. 

“Well at least get something from the kitchen to eat. Or take the spare room and catch a bit of shut eye.” It’s Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon is suddenly aware of Sana shifting from underneath her, replaced by the younger girl’s legs. 

Tell me if she wakes up.” Sana’s voice falls away. 

Jeongyeon hates worrying them. Jeongyeon hates that she’s done nothing but get out of bed, eat and get into bed for the past three weeks. Jeongyeon hates that she’s let her anxiety fester for the better part of the entire month only to break in front of Sana when she thought she had it under control. 

_“Tzuyu said you missed the charity event meeting yesterday.”_

_“Did she.”_

_“Yes. She asked me to tell you to make sure you make it to the actual event next week. She said she can’t get a hold of you over call or text.”_

_“I’ll text her back tonight.” A beating silence pulses through the room._

_“I should get some slee-”_

_“You’ve done nothing but sleep for weeks Jeongyeon.” Sana’s lack of a use of a nickname never means good things._

_“I went to work yesterday. I-”_

_“You went to the studio and continued to nap on the sofa with your notebook between your hands. I was literally there for god’s sake.”_

_Jeongyeon fiddles with the sleeves of her hoodie. “Yeah I was just having a rough day.”_

_“Well then according to yesterday’s behaviour, you’ve been having a rough month. There’s no point in lying to me Jeongyeon. I know you better than anyone else.”_

_Her stomach drops. And the reality she’s so desperately been trying to run away from comes crawling back in, where it’s unwelcomed._

_“I can’t. I can’t do it.”_

_Sana’s eyes soften, and Jeongyeon finds herself enwrapt in a breathless hug. She sinks into it._

_“I know. You don’t have to explain. I know.”_

“Chae?” 

Chaeyoung looks down at her with wide eyes. “Shit. San-” 

“No. Let her sleep.” Jeongyeon wraps an arm around her wrist. 

Chaeyoung sighs, rubbing a comforting hand up her arm. 

Jeongyeon looks to her left, to where the TV is on yet on silent. The news plays and they sit there observing it for a while. 

_“Newly appointed Park Co. CEO, Park Jihyo leads a thank you speech early tonight as stocks-”_ Chaeyoung winces, turning the TV off in one swift movement. 

Silence falls upon them again. Her name pushes awkwardly through the air. 

“I think my album might have to be delayed.” Chaeyoung tries conversation. Jeongyeon knows Chaeyoung would have brought this up days ago if Jeongyeon wasn’t in this state and it aches that she can’t be there like she usually is.

“Why?” 

"Something doesn’t sound right about the melody. I can’t figure out what it is and the deadline is coming up soon.” 

“I’ll help. What time are you in the studio tomorrow?” 

“It’s okay Jeongyeon. You just rest, I’ll figure it out-” 

“No, I want to help. Please let me help.” 

Chaeyoung hesitates. “Only if you’re sure.” 

“I’m sure. I just need to forget about everything.” 

Jeongyeon decides she won’t let this happen again. She can’t afford to. A heavy heart is too hard to carry, not worth it. 

\+ 

Jihyo doesn’t think it’ll ever get any easier. Every day she drives to work, Jeongyeon’s latest song is blasting through the radio and she ultimately has to turn it off; drive in silence. Everyday she goes through her socials, Jeongyeon’s name is trending in some form or another and in every latest picture of the older girl, she’s smiling, gleaming even, at the camera. Jihyo figures the girl isn’t too torn up about the lack of communication. 

Nayeon walks in at 2am tonight. Jihyo is only awake at this hour because she has been for weeks and there’s no use in getting her sleep schedule in order anymore. 

“What are you still doing up?” Nayeon throws her overnight bag on the table, takes off her glasses and rubs at the dry area on her nose. 

“Can’t sleep.” 

“Well try. You have that meeting early in the morning, remember?”

“Where have you been?” Jihyo knows but she just wants someone, anyone, to say her name. Everyone’s been dancing around the topic for weeks and now she just needs to hear someone she knows say it. She needs to know she’s doing okay. She needs to know that she still exists in everyone else’s world even if she doesn’t exist in hers. 

You know where I’ve been.” Nayeon takes off the scarf from around her neck and strolls to stand behind Jihyo sitting on the sofa. 

No I don’t.” It’s lame and she knows Nayeon has caught on. 

“I was at Jeongyeon’s place.” The name shatters her peace of mind. 

She asks the only question that comes to mind. Is she okay? “How is she?” 

“Do you really want to know?” Nayeon moves around the sofa to stand in front of her. 

“Yes.” 

“It’s not my place to say.” 

“ _Just tell me, Nayeon_. Is she okay?” It rips through her, the desperation to just know. 

Nayeon stares. Jihyo watches her nostrils flare, a sad curve of her mouth taking form. “No.”

“What?” The confession riddles horribly inside her. Maybe Jihyo expected Nayeon to lie. The words fall down on her like the weight of the ocean and Jihyo really thinks the only thing that’ll ever have her breathing again is that adorably endearing laugh that Jeongyeon rips into whenever she trips over an upturned step in the pavement. 

Nayeon suddenly looks upset, grief stricken. “She is not okay. I don’t know why you think she would be.” 

Jihyo hates feeling like this. She hates feeling like she’s the catalyst of everyone’s upset. She hates letting Nayeon down. She hates the thought of Jeongyeon actually hating her despite all the smiles and polite laughs she puts on for the cameras. How is she supposed to tell Nayeon that she signed her life away, the one she really wanted? How is she supposed to tell Nayeon that Jeongyeon is too good for her world? 

“Because she looks fine? Because whenever I come across any article about her and whatever promotion schedule she’s been on, she looks like she’s happier without me. Because she has an album on the way, concerts; she’s about to travel the world without dealing with the burden of me and my job. She has-” Jihyo frowns at the horrible expression painting Nayeon’s face. It’s ugly, despite Nayeon’s gorgeous self, and it makes Jihyo nervous; because she knows Nayeon is about to have it out with her. 

“Stop talking.” Nayeon shuts her up with a pointed finger directed her way. “You just want to hear that she’s okay so that you can feel better about leaving her out in the rain like that.” The irony of the comment stuns Jihyo. Because when she was out in the rain, Jeongyeon brought her home. 

Jihyo doesn’t respond. 

“You just want to hear that she’s okay so that you don’t have to live with the regret of not choosing her. You want to hear that she’s okay so that you have an excuse to move on; so that you don’t have to admit that _you’re in love with her_.” Nayeon enunciates every last syllable with a cracking fire. 

Jihyo thinks her ribs have been ripped open and her heart is about to fall out of her chest. Jihyo thinks she’ll always regret not choosing Jeongyeon no matter how okay the girl is. Jihyo thinks that she’ll always feel guilty for shutting her out - for not letting her explain because she took the easy route and chose the path her parents laid out for her in grey cobblestone rather than the light floral path Jeongyeon offered her. 

Jihyo is breathless, despite not saying anything. And it scares her - the way Nayeon watches her face drop with knowing sad eyes. 

“You’re in love with her. Aren’t you?” Nayeon’s voice is a mere whisper. 

Jihyo thinks the only way she’ll be able to breathe again is if she admits it. If she tells the universe that Jeongyeon is her person. “Yes.” 

\+ 

“Album coming out soon huh?” Mina asks with a smirk. 

“How’d you know?” Jeongyeon tilts the champagne flute to her mouth, takes a sip and quirks her eyebrows playfully with a teasing smile. 

“Word gets around fast in the industry. You should know that.” Mina chuckles and Jeongyeon thinks she doesn’t mind too much having Mina around like this again, even if she reminds her of Jihyo all too much. 

Jeongyeon ignores that whenever Mina has mentioned going out to lunch with a friend this week, she was ultimately talking about Jihyo and she ignores Mina’s comment about said friend having a stressful couple days at work. She falls back into pretending and it’s surprising how easy it is. Maybe Jihyo was right when she said she was a good actor. 

“Well I suppose we all know that’s true.” Jeongyeon tries a joke. 

Mina laughs. “A little kiss on the cheek did prove that I guess.” 

“Anyway, what do you think of what Chae’s done here?” Jeongyeon motions her head around the gallery, people cluttering every aspect of the floor. 

“Beautiful. As expected. I put in an offer for that painting actually.” Mina points to the portraits behind them, an image of the beach. At least Jeongyeon thinks, that’s what she makes out from the shapes and swirls. 

“Hey!” Nayeon walks up beside them. Nayeon hugs her and Jeongyeon relaxes into the hold. It’s something Nayeon never used to do, something Jeongyeon would gag at if she attempted. But she’s made it a habit. And Jeongyeon has made it a habit to let her. Like Nayeon is trying to mould her back together herself. 

“Nayeon please tell me it wasn’t you that put in the other bid for that painting.” Mina chuckles. 

“We might just have to fight to the death for it, Mina.” Nayeon quips. 

Tzuyu joins, talks to Jeongyeon for a good hour about a dog that just came into the shelter and how they need to buy several new cages to accommodate the influx. Jeongyeon invites the distraction. She invites the infectious laughter when Momo wraps her arms around Sana and they topple over into them. She invites the lightness of her heart when Dahyun has to take Nayeon’s fourth champagne flute from her hand and everyone snorts with laughter. 

“Jeongyeon?” They all glance up at the voice, like they’re expecting something she isn’t. 

“Yeah?” Jeongyeon calls out to Chaeyoung who's peeking around one of the columns. 

“Would you talk to this client for me?” 

“Sure!” Jeongyeon allows an easy smile and Sana looks at her with worried eyes - because she’s been doing better, but it was only 5 days ago that Sana was hugging her to sleep. 

They all watch her go and Jeongyeon hates that she’s worried everyone like this. She’s fine. Really. It’s a lesson learnt - that she was fine before and next time, she’ll be fine on her own too. 

Chaeyoung motions to the couple in front of a portrait. She winks and Jeongyeon realises that it’s a portrait of herself. She’s stunned for a second, wondering when in the hell Chaeyoung had the time to do it. 

“Hi, how can I help?” 

The old couple turn around with easy smiles. “Oh dear, we were looking to donate whatever the sum of this portrait is to the shelter.” 

“Of course. Can I catch your family name? We’ll get the affairs in order.” Jeongyeon takes the notepad from out of her jacket pocket and takes the couple’s details. They thank her and stare a little longer at the piece, before moving on throughout the room. 

Jeongyeon stands for a moment to admire the artwork. It’s peaceful. She thinks that maybe things will work out, like Sana promised. That she’ll find the joy in her work again, like Chaeyoung promised. That she’ll have the time to take care of 20 puppies in the future, like Tzuyu promised. That they’ll all drive down to Jeju for a spring break holiday, like Dahyun promised. That she’ll be safe, like Momo promised. That she’ll be okay, like Nayeon promised. That she’ll let herself have happiness, like she promised Mina. 

“Beautiful. Isn’t it?” 

Jeongyeon spins around and tries to stop her tremendous aching heart from bursting out of her chest as she makes eye contact with Jihyo. It feels like the entire universe has condensed into one room, orbiting around the two of them. 

Jihyo is dressed in simple beige trousers and a leather jacket. She looks amazing, well, and Jeongyeon feels incredibly overdressed in comparison - blazer jacket, white button-up shirt and leather trousers. 

She doesn’t speak. She doesn’t have anything to say to her. 

Jihyo must notice, because she nervously glances around the room and back at her like they’re being watched and Jeongyeon knows it’s the product of their contractual agreement, of the countless eyes Jeongyeon brought upon them. 

“There’s no one here. No press, I mean. You don’t have to worry.” The announcement of their ‘breakup’ hit the news just days ago. Jeongyeon couldn’t afford to have the consequences of it ruin tonight. 

“I’m not worried.” Jihyo shakes her head. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I wasn’t going to come. But I had to… for Tzuyu.” 

Jeongyeon nods stiltedly. Of course. Makes sense. “Well you look well.” She looks gorgeous. “Congratulations on the promotion by the way.” Jeongyeon turns back around to face the painting, her back to Jihyo. 

Jihyo moves to stand beside her and Jeongyeon nearly flinches at the close proximity. “Thanks. You look well too.” 

Jeongyeon pretends she doesn’t feel Jihyo’s gaze traipsing down her face, her neck, her figure. It makes her feel bare, like Jihyo can make out the truth behind her words seeping out of the stitches of her blazer - that she’s not doing well. 

“That song made the cut by the way.” Jeongyeon clasps her hands together behind her back. Casual. 

“What?” 

“That song you chose. It was ages ago. The one where you visited me in the studio for the first time? It made the album.” 

Jihyo looks stunned for a second. “Oh. That’s great. I knew it would make the cut.” 

The stilted silence becomes too much and Jeongyeon had thought for one single second, that things would be okay. But now that Jihyo is standing beside her, all she wants is to hug her, watch a cheap movie with her, buy her a milkshake. 

Maybe it’ll hurt for a little while longer. Something like that. 

“Maybe I’ll see you around?” Jeongyeon makes a move to leave. Because now it’s suffocating being in Jihyo’s presence and not in a good way. She can feel eyes on them and Jeongyeon knows it’s the girls watching them from the other side of the room. Jeongyeon knows it’s the countless strangers practically bursting out of the building, who have watched their ‘relationship’ blossom and implode in on itself in real time over phone screens. 

It’s like she’s daring Jihyo to leave her - just to test the waters; just to test how it’ll feel when it does eventually happen. For good. 

Jihyo looks up with wide eyes, like she hadn’t thought the conversation would end so quickly. She thinks for a second, nods and then smiles painfully. “Maybe.” 

It doesn’t feel like them. It feels like Jeongyeon has been lifted out of the universe and dumped into a parallel one and now all she can do is crawl her way back. Jihyo threw Jeongyeon so far from herself, or whatever was left of her, and now all Jeongyeon can do is find her way back. It’s like navigating a labyrinth except it’s cold and dark and it’s endless and Jeongyeon wonders whether it’ll ever get better. 

Jeongyeon steps back and it hurts that Jihyo lets her. 

**+**

****

****

Jeongyeon just misses her. 

Everything is spinning and Jeongyeon knows this is stupid; so stupid. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea for her to drink the entire contents of the bottle whilst Nayeon and Sana were black out asleep. She blames Nayeon for bringing the alcohol - as if they were going to have some sort of rave on a tuesday night. But she can’t exactly blame Nayeon for her sneaking out on her own volition. 

“Remember that time you called me poetic?” Jeongyeon doesn’t remember dialling Jihyo’s number but she’s speaking anyway, like her mind had already subconsciously made the decision for her. 

Jihyo’s voice is smothered in sleep and she can almost feel her confusion through the phone. “Jeongyeon?” 

“Do you remember?” Her words slur in her mouth uncomfortably and she hates it. 

“Yes I remember. Are you drunk?” 

Jeongyeon winces because she can feel Jihyo’s frustration through the line too. “Maybe.” A giggle bubbles in her throat. 

“Jeong-“ 

“You said I was poetic.” 

“Where are you? Stay there, I’ll call Dahyun.” 

“I don’t think I’m that good with my words. But I guess there are a million different ways to tell someone you love them right?” She has no idea how she’s managing to form a coherent sentence right now, maybe it’s the adrenaline from Jihyo actually answering the phone that has somewhat sped up her slow movements. 

“Can you please just tell me where you are-“ 

“I guess you haven’t noticed right?” 

“Noticed what?” Jihyo is sharp and her words are short, like she’s begging her to just get to the fucking point. 

“That I’ve been telling you I love you in a million different ways; a million different sentences.” 

There’s a silence. And it’s so loud Jeongyeon wants to cry. She wants to fall to the floor and curl her legs up to her chest and cry till her heart gives out because she doesn’t think she’ll ever meet anyone as good as Jihyo. 

Jeongyeon knows no one will buy her milkshakes and doughnuts and wipe the sugar off her lips like Jihyo does. 

“You’re drunk.” 

But the floor is wet with rain and she likes these jeans too much to curl up on the ground with them. 

“Maybe I’ll just say it. Just get straight to the point.” 

“Jeongyeon stop.” Jihyo sounds like there’s a sob crawling up her throat and perhaps this was a bad idea. But Jeongyeon knows she’d never have the courage to say it otherwise. Maybe she’s a coward. 

“I’m in love with you.” Her voice cracks because it feels like finally being able to breathe again - finally being able to say it. 

The silence is deafening. 

Jihyo stutters a little. “Tell me this when you’re not drunk. Please. I need to hear this from you sober.” 

“I love you.” She needs to say it again. Just so she knows. 

And then there’s a crack of thunder, “Shit”, and she’s realising now that her shirt is clinging to her body with rain and her face is dripping with raindrops that have settled down her hair. 

“Are you outside? Don’t tell me you’ve got yourself caught in the middle of this storm?” Jihyo sounds disbelieving, incredulous, furious. 

“I’m sitting outside that diner. Remember the one we went to ages ago? When you asked if it was a date? I forgot they weren’t 24 hours.” She probably sounds defeated. That’s because she is. 

“And did you not remember me telling you to look after yourself? Didn’t I? God how did you even get there?” Jihyo takes the soft approach, probably listening to Jeongyeon’s sniffles on the other end of the line. Jeongyeon can hear the younger girl getting into her car and starting the ignition through the phone. 

“Coach. Then walked.” 

“You’re not serious.” 

“Gave me time to think. Gave me time to get away from everything.” She hiccups and draws a hand through her tangled wet hair. 

Jihyo sighs. “Jeong.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Stay on the phone. I’ll be there shortly.” 

“You’re not speeding are you?” She chuckles and it’s genuinely music to her ears to hear Jihyo laugh lightly too. 

“At least not like you.” 

Jeongyeon stays on the phone and she relishes in the silence for the entire hour, listens to the quiet hum of Jihyo’s car. It’s a good thing that it doesn’t take Jihyo too quick to get here. It gives Jeongyeon time to sober up a little; at least to the point where she can recognise her own thoughts and actually choose her own actions. The lamp post doesn’t spin anymore. She walks in circles, kicking and dragging her feet along the gravel and she can walk in a straight line again. Her chest doesn’t feel warm anymore and the tingling sensation in her fingers has dissipated. 

She moves the phone away from her ear to check the time. 3:35 AM and 5% battery. Her breath shakes when she spots Jihyo’s car rolling into the car park. Jeongyeon watches her open the car door, slam it behind her with unimaginable force and rush forwards. 

“You had me worried sick.” Jihyo storms up to her with tears welling in her eyes and a crack of her voice. 

Jeongyeon thinks Jihyo is about to reach out to hug her, but then it looks like she thinks better of it, pulling her by the arm into the car instead. It was probably her wet shirt. 

She suddenly feels so stupid. Because Jihyo is forcing her down into the passenger seat, putting on her seat belt for her and shutting the door. 

Jihyo takes a long-lasting look at her when she finally gets into the car too. “You’re gonna freeze to death. It’s a good thing the heating actually works in my car. Here, take that shirt off, you can have my sweatshirt.” 

Jeongyeon swears that the sweatshirt Jihyo is holding out for her is actually hers - 

“I’ll be fine.” 

“I won’t look.” 

“I’m ok. I want you to keep the sweatshirt. It looked better on you.” A lazy smile reaches her face and Jihyo tucks a hair behind her ear delicately, smiles tenderly at her and Jeongyeon thinks her heart will combust. 

Jihyo clearly won’t take that for an answer though because she’s reaching over, hands tugging carefully at the bottom of her shirt. “You’ll get sick. Can I?” 

Jeongyeon blinks slow, just to bring Jihyo clearer into focus and finds her fingers grazing against Jihyo’s hands on the seam of her drenched top. 

Jihyo is looking at her too intensely. It’s making her dizzy. She nods. 

Jeongyeon raises her arms a little, so that Jihyo can bring the wet top over her head without too much of a struggle. She’s not exactly drunk anymore she’d say. She thanks the pounding icy rain and bottle of water she downed before Jihyo arrived for that. The last of the alcohol runs through her system though, and if anything, it just makes her want to talk. It pushes away the feeling of overwhelming vulnerability as she sits in the passenger seat of Jihyo’s car, shirtless. 

It has her blissfully unaware of Jihyo moving a rushed, flustered glance along her figure and then focusing solely on her face. Jeongyeon figures that the tattoos decorating her side, her hip bone, are somewhat distracting. Jeongyeon also didn't think that when she promised Jihyo she'd show her them sometime, it would be like this - wet and shivering. Jihyo drives the rain drops cascading down her chest away from her skin. She presses a warm palm to damp, glistening skin and dances the drops away. Jihyo does that for a few minutes. Jeongyeon thinks she can feel Jihyo tracing the outlines of the markings. 

“I told you I’d bring you back here.” Jeongyeon leans her head against the window, rain pounding against the glass. The tiredness might just knock her out. 

Silence. 

“You did.” Jihyo reaches out again to neaten out Jeongyeon's hair. She pushes strands out of her face and tucks them behind her ear. She squeezes the end slightly, letting the run down her hands. 

“That’s one promise I didn’t break.” Jeongyeon thinks that maybe Jihyo doesn't hear her because she whispers it, but Jihyo's hands stop their movements for a second. Then she moves again, fingers through her hair and pushing it back out of the way of her forehead. 

Jihyo remains silent for a moment and then tugs Jeongyeon by the bare arm away from the window, so that she can pull the sweater over her head. “Put it on Jeongyeon.” 

“Jeong.” Jeongyeon fits her arms through the sleeves. 

“What?” 

“You call me Jeong.” 

Jihyo looks at her through narrowed eyes. “How much did you have to drink? Do you feel any less drunk?” Close enough to it at least. 

“It’s been an hour since I called you. It’s been much longer than that since I last had a drink. I’m sober, I’d say.” 

“So you’ll remember me in the morning?” Jihyo’s question has her heart stuttering. She wants to laugh. Because it’s a cute reference to when they first met. But it hurts more than anything - that they were so clueless back then; that maybe Jihyo should’ve declined giving Jeongyeon her number for the sake of her sanity. 

“You’d be crazy to think I could ever possibly forget you.” Jeongyeon smiles softly and she thinks that they’re staring at each other for what feels like a lifetime. 

Jeongyeon doesn’t think she’ll ever stop searching for Jihyo in the crowd. Jeongyeon thinks it’d take a lifetime, a couple lifetimes, an eternity, to forget Jihyo. 

Jihyo looks at her like she’s drinking in the sight of her wet hair sticking to damp, glistening skin, sweater collar drooping too low revealing collarbones that Jihyo looks over for more than a second. 

Jeongyeon suppresses the urge to pull her sweater up, to cover her neck with a vulnerable hand and Jihyo blinks slowly. Jeongyeon watches her chest rise and fall. 

Jeongyeon feels greedy. She wants Jihyo to touch her like she did before - a hand scratching at her neck. 

Jihyo blinks and then turns around like she had forgotten where she was. Jeongyeon watches her start the car and pull out of the car park, driving in the complete opposite direction of the city. 

“We’re going the wrong way.” 

“No we’re not.” 

“What?” Jeongyeon lets out a confused chuckle. 

“We’re going on a late night drive. That one we never got the chance to finish.” Jihyo takes a second to glance at her and Jeongyeon takes a minute to stare. 

“Wherever the road takes us?” 

Jihyo smiles, looks out through the windshield in front of them with smile crinkled eyes. “Something like that.” 

She thinks that maybe Momo won’t forgive her for promising not to run off anymore and then proceeding to leave without notice, but Jeongyeon is so tired and maybe no one will even realise anyway. 

And everything feels so familiar, like the first time they met and Jihyo was challenging Jeongyeon to make sure she remembers her. Now here they are, wild eyes staring at each other, indelible marks written across each other’s hearts and a mountain of more promises on the verge of breaking. 

\+ 

Jeongyeon isn’t sure how many hours she’s asleep for, but she wakes up with her head against the window, squinting at the beams of sunrisen light that rush through the glass. 

“How long have I been out for?” Her voice is smothered in sleep and Jihyo seems to smirk at the question. 

“Around 3 hours.” 

“Hours? You should’ve woke me, I’ve missed most of the drive.” 

Jihyo shakes her head. “You needed to sleep. Plus not much has happened apart from me thinking.” 

Jeongyeon hums. “Thinking about what?” 

Jihyo glances sideways with a smirk. “Nothing much.” 

Jeongyeon doesn’t mind the silence they drive in for a while. It gives Jeongyeon time to think too. It gives Jeongyeon time to relish in the feeling of having Jihyo next to her. She doesn't know when they’ll get to do this again; if they’ll do this again. 

“Have you ever written a song about me?” Jihyo asks out of nowhere. 

Jeongyeon opts for the truth because she’s too tired really. “Maybe. Why do you ask?” Okay well not exactly the truth. She doesn’t think a maybe exactly counts as a yes. 

“No reason.” Jihyo stares out of the window without much of an expression and Jeongyeon thinks it’s too late to be a coward. 

“I _have_ written a few songs about you. Is that weird?” The confession makes her feel naked. Because her lyrics are the only way she really talks about how she’s feeling and now Jihyo knows that she takes up an awful lot of that feeling. 

Jihyo turns briefly towards her with wide eyes. Stuttering before biting her lip. “No. I’ve just never had anyone write a song about me.” 

“Well… Here I am.” Jeongyeon smiles painfully. 

Jihyo’s fingers wrap tightly around the steering wheel. Jeongyeon watches her knuckles turn white. 

“Fancy a pit stop?” Jihyo turns quickly to point the question. 

“Sure. You looking at the service station I can see coming up?” 

“Yep.” 

Jeongyeon doesn’t recognise their surroundings. The last time she travelled this far into the country was when she visited distant family three years ago. She hasn’t visited since and the realisation gnaws at her insides a little. 

Still, she indulges in the sight of the fields that sweep past them, going on for miles and miles. Jeongyeon feels so insignificant like this. Like none of their problems are worth the pain. Like she wants to make them right. 

Jihyo parks up outside a desolate building. It looks like a bakery or a convenience store of some sort but Jeongyeon’s not sure and really her main concern is why this is considered a service station if there isn’t even a petrol pump in sight. 

“You going in?” 

“Yeah. Want anything?” Jihyo tugs the keys out of the slot and moves to open the door. 

“I don’t know. It looks a little eerie in there, I’ll just come with you.” 

Jihyo snorts with humour. “You gonna protect me?” 

Jeongyeon rolls her eyes, watches the girl get out of the car and close the door. It takes Jeongyeon 2 seconds longer to exit the vehicle and by the time she catches up to Jihyo walking through the door of the store, she’s a little out of breath. 

“I’ll protect you if I have to, I suppose.” She allows a smirk and Jihyo narrows her eyes. Jeongyeon feels her heart physically lighten like a ton of bricks have been lifted off her chest. 

They fall into routine again. It worries Jeongyeon - how easy it is and she’s not sure if it’s a good thing anymore. She thinks that if Jihyo is going to pretend she doesn’t exist again after this, then she’d rather Jihyo just be angry with her. She’d rather Jihyo scream in her face, tell her she’s not enough; that she was right - she was never worth it. She’d rather Jihyo just confirm her suspicions that Jeongyeon is a horrible person because Jihyo never lies and even if Mina is adamant that things have changed, Jeongyeon is not so sure anymore. 

“What do you fancy? Something savoury or sweet?” Jihyo drags a finger along the confectionary shelf and Jeongyeon follows her down the aisle with hands in her pockets. She tilts her head, maybe bites her lip to suppress the smile growing on her face while she stares at the girl, and waits for Jihyo to look at her. 

“Something sweet.” 

Jihyo’s eyes widen, opens her mouth and closes it like a fish. “Uh same. Same. I was thinking something…” Jihyo drags a gaze down her face and Jeongyeon wonders if Jihyo is thinking what she’s thinking. “Sweet.” 

A silence swarms the air around them. 

“What about this? Sugar coated strawberry laces do sound quite appealing tonight.” Jeongyeon breaks the eye contact, taking something from the shelf in front of them. 

“This morning.” Jihyo speaks as she takes the packet from Jeongyeon’s hand, touch setting ablaze along her skin. 

“What?” 

“This morning. It’s 6am.” Jihyo glances up before softly pushing past her, elbows and shoulders knocking against each other. Jeongyeon follows her to the till and she’s starting to think she’s probably looking a lot like a lost puppy. 

Jeongyeon feels the guilt wrap long scratching arms around her insides, around her neck and tug down on the corners of her mouth. She’s dragged Jihyo out all this way and all she’s done is sleep, slur drunken confessions that have them staring at each other when they think the other isn’t looking and made less than impressive conversation with her. 

“Are you tired?” 

Jihyo places the two strawberry laces packets on the counter and hands over a single note to the bored man across from them. “No. My sleep schedule is kind of fucked now that I’ve taken over my dad’s position. I’m used to staying up much later.” 

Jeongyeon nods, swallows the growing worries and hopes Jihyo knows that no matter whatever has happened between them, she never lied about being proud of her. “I’m proud of you. It seems like you’re doing an amazing job, even if you really shouldn’t be working to the point of exhaustion like that.” The concerns over Jihyo’s wellbeing spill out anyway. 

Jihyo hands her a packet and sighs gently before leading them outside. She doesn’t say anything until they reach the car and Jeongyeon thinks the silence will kill her. 

Jeongyeon is about to open the car door when Jihyo reaches out and wraps a hand around her fingers. Jeongyeon feels her heart condense and implode. Jeongyeon wonders how she’s still alive - her heart shattering over and over and over again in the span of minutes. 

Jihyo drags her to the front of her car, sits against the front of it with her shoes clinging to the bumper and checks underneath her to make sure she isn’t denting the car. It makes Jeongyeon chuckle and Jihyo looks up with shy soft eyes that welcome Jeongyeon to sit beside her. 

Jihyo already has a strawberry lace between her lips by the time Jeongyeon settles herself. Their arms brush against each other, distance and brush against each other over and over again. 

“It’s so pretty.” Jihyo pushes the strawberry lace into the corner of her mouth to eat it without the aid of her hands. 

“What is?” Jeongyeon stares at her profile and Jihyo smiles like she knows. 

“The sky.” Streaks of pinks and purples and blues paint the atmosphere above them and Jeongyeon hums an agreeance. 

“This is the kind of sky you describe all the time in your songs.” Jihyo licks her lips and takes another strawberry lace out from the packet on her lap. 

“Is it?” Jeongyeon is stunned for a second that Jihyo pays such close attention. 

“You always talk about pretty skies. _Baby pink and milky lilac_. Whenever I see the sky like this it always reminds me of you.” Jihyo turns to look at her with a small smile and beautiful star gazing eyes that remind Jeongyeon of that time she was staring dreamily up at her all those months ago when they first went to that infamous diner. 

Jihyo stares so intensely Jeongyeon thinks she’ll crumble into the space between them. Jihyo bites her lip and Jeongyeon knows that she’ll crumble in Jihyo’s hands if she’d let her. 

“Do you?” Jihyo’s voice cracks. 

“What?” Jeongyeon whispers like they’re sharing secrets that not even the universe are allowed to hear. 

“Do you love me?” Jihyo asks with terrified eyes. 

Jeongyeon feels like ice cubes have been chucked down the back of her shirt. She feels the sky above them rupture with an impending truth that will finally drown them; like the tide has finally pushed above their shoulders and their tilting their heads up at each other gasping for air - gasping for life that only Jihyo can give her. 

“Yes.” The tide feels like it swallows her whole. Jeongyeon thinks she feels the consequences of it all drip down her throat. Jihyo’s perfume takes up the air in her lungs and Jeongyeon is scared for a second that this is the beginning - this is where she scrambles for the water surface and claws at the air for help. 

Instead Jihyo looks at her like she’s a lifeline and Jeongyeon is so desperate to beg for Jihyo to just take it. 

Jeongyeon dips her gaze down, watches the sugar from the now discarded strawberry laces hug Jihyo’s lips. 

Jihyo moves forward slowly, carefully, and presses a delicate touch along the corner of her mouth, kissing ever so lightly that Jeongyeon wonders if it’s a hallucination. 

Jeongyeon decides that maybe they’ll be okay and Jihyo gasps when she finally surges forward. Jihyo claws a hand into her shoulder and Jeongyeon can’t contain it - the need to show Jihyo that she loves her. 

Jihyo sinks into the kiss like they’ve simply left off from the night on the balcony and Jeongyeon relishes in the desperation of it all - the way Jihyo leans into her, now chest to chest. 

“Car.” Jihyo murmurs feverishly against her lips like she can’t take pulling away even for the sake of a single syllable. 

“Hmm?” Jeongyeon moves a hand to cradle the back of Jihyo’s head, pushing harder. 

“In the car. Now.” Jihyo pulls away and Jeongyeon blushes as she chases after her. Jihyo bites her lip and Jeongyeon lets her drag her around to the passenger door. She lets Jihyo shove her down into the seat. She lets Jihyo move atop her, straddling her. And she lets Jihyo shut the door with a rushed slam, trapping two tremendously aching hearts in the space around them. 

Jeongyeon loses her mind in the rush of it all. She pulls Jihyo’s thighs even closer around her, entrapping her more. It drives her insane, the way it pulls Jihyo off balance and the younger girl falls forward colliding into her. 

Jeongyeon wants to make it obvious. That Jihyo is what she wants. That Jihyo is exactly her type. That it could never be a bad thing to want her. 

Jihyo leans down slowly and spreads a hand up her chest, resting along her collarbones. For a second Jeongyeon is embarrassed - that Jihyo can observe for herself exactly what she does to her, with a hand on her rapidly rising chest. Breathless. 

“Beautiful.” Jihyo murmurs, leaning down to rest her forehead against Jeongyeon’s. It strikes her so suddenly, the intensity of it all. And Jeongyeon can’t help the overwhelming need to make some sort of a joke. It bubbles in her throat and pops out of her mouth without her thinking. 

“Do I get that discount now?” 

Jihyo freezes. “What?” 

Jeongyeon almost physically winces at the confusion ripe in Jihyo’s eyes. But she has committed herself to the joke now and it would be so lame of her not to just spit it out. “That Park Co. discount. Is it eligible for girlfriends?” 

Jihyo’s hands stop on her shoulders, fingers clawing at the fabric of her shirt. The mixture of humour and shock that parades around on Jihyo’s expression makes Jeongyeon want to reach out to replace it with something else. 

Jihyo swallows and Jeongyeon watches it bob in her throat. 

“Girlfriends?” 

Surprise bolts through her. “What?” 

“You said girlfriends.” 

“Did I?” She definitely did and now that she’s replaying the moment in her head the thought of jumping out of the car door seems very appealing considering the vehicle isn’t actually moving. 

“You definitely did.” Jihyo moves again, leaning down further. Jeongyeon fixes a hand to the small of her back, traipsing a touch under her shirt and pressing the girl impossibly closer so she can feel every bit of Jihyo’s evidently rushing heart. 

It surges something through her - the need to be the one cause of Jihyo’s heart beating out of her chest. “I think I did.” 

Jeongyeon doesn’t mind her head clattering against the headrest when Jihyo finally pushes forward. She doesn’t mind the way Jihyo crawls hands up her neck. She definitely doesn’t mind the way Jihyo tugs at the back of hair or the way she scratches recklessly at the skin below. 

Jihyo must be able to feel her heart beating out of her chest with how close they are. 

It’s all so messy and rushed and desperate and Jeongyeon lets Jihyo have it all. Jeongyeon thinks she’d give Jihyo everything over and over and over and- 

Jeongyeon pulls Jihyo’s lip between her teeth, tasting nothing but those damn sweet strawberry laces and Jihyo gasps. Jeongyeon kisses her again, pushing and pushing and pushing and Jihyo has to cling to her with hands digging into Jeongyeon’s back because Jeongyeon has leaned them so far forward with the force of it all. 

Jihyo clings to her, kisses her like she’s all she has. She bites and bites and Jeongyeon moans. It startles Jihyo. Jeongyeon can tell because Jihyo slows for a second before smirking slightly into the kiss again and then pulling away to press kisses along her jaw. 

Jeongyeon lets out a shaky breath. 

“Say it again.” Jihyo’s voice is hoarse, grates against the air between them. Jeongyeon lifts her head upwards at the force of Jihyo’s biting. 

“Wha…” She can’t even finish the damn sentence. 

“Tell me you love me.” Jihyo sits up and drinks in the sight of Jeongyeon - breathless, red and messy. 

“I love you.” Saying it out loud sober finally has the realisation careening into her. That she’s so helplessly in love with the girl in front of her and there’s nothing she can do about it. It seems to strike Jihyo too, because her hooded eyes become wide and her lips part like she hadn’t expected it to be real. 

Jihyo reaches down to cradle her jaw, kisses her like she loves her. “I love you.” 

Jeongyeon lets Jihyo slow it down, kissing delicately and gently like they’ll break. She smiles against her lips. “ _Or something like that_.” 

Jihyo swallows her words but Jeongyeon can feel her smiling anyway. 

_Just like that_. 

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly I've had this in the drafts for months and its taken me ages to get over the multiple consecutive weeks of writers blocks so I'm glad to finally have this out of the google docs. I'm not really happy with it tbh but it wouldn't have been published if I didn't just drop it now so!!!  
> I do feel like I kind of left you hanging at the end though so I have a short epilogue in the drafts for you :))
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!!! Happy Jeongyeon day!!! And any comments or questions - find me @fatedforce on twitter. 
> 
> Stream ICSM :D


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